justicetwo

Hello all,

I am fairly new to this site and have found many helpful posts regarding XAHs and custody. My XAH is going through an intensive outpatient rehab for about 5 weeks now and I am a bit concerned that he might be getting lucky or cheating his random testing. He seemed to have been doing well but just tonight I spoke with him on the phone and he sounded very drunk. I am wondering about doing an at-home ETG test on him but I don't know where to find a reliable one ASAP. I started thinking about the next step when we go back to mediation after his program ends to modify our court order to remove supervised visits, but if he's drinking again and getting away with it I don't want to do that. Any advice? Thank you.

maia1234

JT,
Welcome, and glad you posted.

I am not familiar with the testing aspects and custody. (my kids were older when Axh and I divorced). Someone will come along and post their suggestions.

All I want to say is believe in your intuition. If you think he has been drinking and not committing to his intensive rehab, he probably is. Just follow through and don't engage and call him out. I would document everything regarding times, dates and what makes you think it. You will need this information to inform the lawyers or the courts regarding removing the supervised visits.

Then when you head back to mediation you have all this information on hand. You don't need to fight with him on how many "sobriety" days he has.

They always say on this forum that you can "tell" an addict is committed to sobriety and working a program. Do your homework and be prepared.

Hugs to you!!

DontRemember

My daughter is a young adult now,but in my years here I've seen mention of "sober link" for what you're concerned about(and rightfully so). I'd even offer to pay for it unless he fails even one. Though you shouldn't feel responsible for his F ups, But that's what I did with my exwf and her drug abuse because I knew it wouldn't be long before she failed.. eventually she just went away.

justicetwo

Yes, we've talked about Soberlink and the SCRAM bracelet. I'm leaning more towards the bracelet than the breathalyzer because I just don't trust he'll stay sober overnight while baby is asleep (if he gets unsupervised overnights). I don't know, I've done the co-parenting class and I've learned it's not worth questioning him, but my daughter's safety is at stake here.

I appreciate your responses very much. I agree that documenting is the best I can do right now and hope the bracelet stabilizes the situation. Thank you all.

hopeful4

Make sure if you get any type of bracelet that it fits snugly so it cannot be slipped off.