What was I thinking?
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Join Date: Sep 2018
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What was I thinking?
As I was driving in my car to get coffee this morning, I was thinking of all the careless financial decisions I made in the past. My car that I had to have and now can barely afford but can't sell it because I owe on more on it than what I can get if I sell it. My house that I had to have even though I could have stayed at my old house and probably be almost paid off by now. The house that I had to have, it got foreclosed and we had to move and now we rent (never rented before in my life), I even filed for bankruptcy - I'm not knocking renting (it has its advantages). A good paying job that I quit because it was too "stressful". I took a much lower paying job that is stress free. What I regret the most is that I receive survivor social security benefits for my two older children and if it wasn't for my lack of financial planning, there would be plenty of money for them to go to college and much better financial stability. I try to give them as much as I can within our means. They really don't want for really anything, but their friends come from affluent families, so it is virtually impossible to keep up with them. My financial situation has been self inflicted and the family has to suffer because of me. We had some savings, something always seems to come up, so I feel like we can't get ahead. I have to make this up to my kids, even it means working another job (part-time) or applying for a higher paying job. I dropped out of college way back in the day, so my job opportunities are slim without a degree. Normally, when all these thoughts about the stupid decisions/ mistakes that I made financially, I would drink and stuff my feelings down for the time being. Today, I just cried and acknowledged my mistakes and trying to figure out how to proceed from here, even though it seems really overwhelming. Thank goodness I have SR, because just when I think just maybe I could have a drink just to calm my nerves, I read the posts and tell myself --- h*** no at least for today! Drinking will only perpetuate my terrible decision making skills or lack thereof.
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Location: Toronto
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I have spent every single dime I have ever earned during my life. A savings account I opened as a teenager has been sitting with about $3.50 for 25 years. The concept of saving money is foreign to me. I am an extremely impulsive spender (ADHD), declared bankruptcy 10 years ago after running up $60,000 on credit cards. The money went to trivial things like a leased Jeep, clothes, huge bar tabs, piles of cocaine. Meanwhile, my sensible friends were staying in on a Saturday night as they saved up for a down payment for a house/condo. I am 42 now, broke, and starting from scratch. However, at least I now know what not to do. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about a wife/kids as in your situation.
I no longer care about materialistic things. They never brought happiness. It was fun while it lasted, but time to focus on what really is important.
I no longer care about materialistic things. They never brought happiness. It was fun while it lasted, but time to focus on what really is important.
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It's hard to not have regrets about decisions we made while drinking. The main thing is that you are getting through this sober. I'm sure it seems overwhelming, so maybe you could come up with a financial plan that would help you to get ahead and to help your children.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
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I have so many regrets and feelings of “what if” as a consequence of decades of drinking. I’ve lost two jobs, made bad financial decisions, racked up thousands in medical bills and ruined friendships. But....I’m here today, I’m alive, I have a job, food and shelter. I’m sober and I have hope. Maybe allow yourself to focus on the now, your family and the gift of sobriety?
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
One day at a time.
Today my financial plan is beyond me. I'm trusting God with it.
Here's a prayer Ann posted:
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.
Today my financial plan is beyond me. I'm trusting God with it.
Here's a prayer Ann posted:
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.
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Posts: 86
Originally Posted by Anna 
It's hard to not have regrets about decisions we made while drinking. The main thing is that you are getting through this sober. I'm sure it seems overwhelming, so maybe you could come up with a financial plan that would help you to get ahead and to help your children.
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Originally Posted by PinnacleOR
I have so many regrets and feelings of “what if” as a consequence of decades of drinking. I’ve lost two jobs, made bad financial decisions, racked up thousands in medical bills and ruined friendships. But....I’m here today, I’m alive, I have a job, food and shelter. I’m sober and I have hope. Maybe allow yourself to focus on the now, your family and the gift of sobriety?
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Originally Posted by Wastinglife
I have spent every single dime I have ever earned during my life. A savings account I opened as a teenager has been sitting with about $3.50 for 25 years. The concept of saving money is foreign to me. I am an extremely impulsive spender (ADHD), declared bankruptcy 10 years ago after running up $60,000 on credit cards. The money went to trivial things like a leased Jeep, clothes, huge bar tabs, piles of cocaine. Meanwhile, my sensible friends were staying in on a Saturday night as they saved up for a down payment for a house/condo. I am 42 now, broke, and starting from scratch. However, at least I now know what not to do. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about a wife/kids as in your situation.
I no longer care about materialistic things. They never brought happiness. It was fun while it lasted, but time to focus on what really is important.
I no longer care about materialistic things. They never brought happiness. It was fun while it lasted, but time to focus on what really is important.
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 86
Originally Posted by Mango212
One day at a time.
Today my financial plan is beyond me. I'm trusting God with it.
Here's a prayer Ann posted:
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.
Today my financial plan is beyond me. I'm trusting God with it.
Here's a prayer Ann posted:
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hi Chung,
I can completely relate to your post. We've made some stupid financial decisions as well, and some that were the result of my disabilty when I was dealing with some heart problems and my husband losing his job at the same time.
We currently pay $1250 a month because we are midway through a chapter 13 bankruptcy, and our mortgage is also huge. I panic about college sometimes, I have two in HS right now (9th and 10th) but have a tentative plan that will involve some loans from them and me using the money we pay for bankruptcy to pay tuition, and a few other things. There are definitely options, I am focusing on trying to make good decisions moving forward, and it's not always easy. Last week I had to fly across the country because my mom was sick, so very unexpected and large expense, but it's okay, I can figure it out one day, and Dollar at a time.
How old are your kids now?
I can completely relate to your post. We've made some stupid financial decisions as well, and some that were the result of my disabilty when I was dealing with some heart problems and my husband losing his job at the same time.
We currently pay $1250 a month because we are midway through a chapter 13 bankruptcy, and our mortgage is also huge. I panic about college sometimes, I have two in HS right now (9th and 10th) but have a tentative plan that will involve some loans from them and me using the money we pay for bankruptcy to pay tuition, and a few other things. There are definitely options, I am focusing on trying to make good decisions moving forward, and it's not always easy. Last week I had to fly across the country because my mom was sick, so very unexpected and large expense, but it's okay, I can figure it out one day, and Dollar at a time.
How old are your kids now?
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Posts: 86
Originally Posted by Awake61
Thank you for posting this thread! It has helped me so much. I'm been working on forgiving myself and moving forward. Your posts help this along. 
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[QUOTE=Delilah1;7023048]Hi Chung,
I can completely relate to your post. We've made some stupid financial decisions as well, and some that were the result of my disabilty when I was dealing with some heart problems and my husband losing his job at the same time.
We currently pay $1250 a month because we are midway through a chapter 13 bankruptcy, and our mortgage is also huge. I panic about college sometimes, I have two in HS right now (9th and 10th) but have a tentative plan that will involve some loans from them and me using the money we pay for bankruptcy to pay tuition, and a few other things. There are definitely options, I am focusing on trying to make good decisions moving forward, and it's not always easy. Last week I had to fly across the country because my mom was sick, so very unexpected and large expense, but it's okay, I can figure it out one day, and Dollar at a time.
How old are your kids now?[/QUOTE
That's exactly what we pay a month for our house and my older kids are also in 9th and 10th grade!!! My youngest is 7 years old. I am receiving really good information from my co-workers who have recently finished college and/ or preparing their children for college. Lots of scholarship opportunities and funding available. I am feeling a little better about it now. I hope your mother is feeling better.
I can completely relate to your post. We've made some stupid financial decisions as well, and some that were the result of my disabilty when I was dealing with some heart problems and my husband losing his job at the same time.
We currently pay $1250 a month because we are midway through a chapter 13 bankruptcy, and our mortgage is also huge. I panic about college sometimes, I have two in HS right now (9th and 10th) but have a tentative plan that will involve some loans from them and me using the money we pay for bankruptcy to pay tuition, and a few other things. There are definitely options, I am focusing on trying to make good decisions moving forward, and it's not always easy. Last week I had to fly across the country because my mom was sick, so very unexpected and large expense, but it's okay, I can figure it out one day, and Dollar at a time.
How old are your kids now?[/QUOTE
That's exactly what we pay a month for our house and my older kids are also in 9th and 10th grade!!! My youngest is 7 years old. I am receiving really good information from my co-workers who have recently finished college and/ or preparing their children for college. Lots of scholarship opportunities and funding available. I am feeling a little better about it now. I hope your mother is feeling better.
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Hi Chung, I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’ve made some terrible decisions, financial and otherwise, from past drinking too. It is hard to forgive ourselves, but it is so important. You have gone through a lot! Many of us who experience adversity drink to self medicate. It turns into a habit. No one wants to develop alcoholism. We were just trying to survive not knowing how to better cope. You just keep practicing self forgiveness and compassion and pushing forward learning from your past as you are developing into a better version of yourself staying sober.
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Originally Posted by Fearlessat50
Hi Chung, I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’ve made some terrible decisions, financial and otherwise, from past drinking too. It is hard to forgive ourselves, but it is so important. You have gone through a lot! Many of us who experience adversity drink to self medicate. It turns into a habit. No one wants to develop alcoholism. We were just trying to survive not knowing how to better cope. You just keep practicing self forgiveness and compassion and pushing forward learning from your past as you are developing into a better version of yourself staying sober.
I hope someday I will feel self love as well.
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