Back after a long time. Preggo and needing sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Back after a long time. Preggo and needing sobriety.
Anyone remember moi? I had to change my account (just the numbers) because the website wouldn’t let me login under my old one...
Anyways. I’m an alcoholic/pill addict/IV cocaine junkie, plus a few others I’m sure..... spent over half my life now in active addiction. 4 treatment centres, countless attempts at recovery (using SR, AA, NA, treatment, smart recovery, rational therapy) etc. and never been able to put more than 6 months together.
I’m 3-4 days sober. I’m also 7 months pregnant with my first child. I’m struggling with some serious pre-natal depression, although my mental health issues have been prevalent for the majority of my life.
I’ve been pretty much sober for my entire pregnancy until this last slip which only lasted an hour or two before I had to get home to my partner so he didn’t realize anything was wrong. I didn’t even get high. Well - not my kind of high anyways. Usually if I don’t OD, go into convulsions or psychosis after a shot I don’t even consider it a high. So now my brains going crazy about that - “my one last time can’t be my one last time cause I didn’t even get high”. I was too afraid of hurting baby - I don’t even know why I was doing it. I had just been obsessing for so long it was like I couldn’t take it anymore, it was either use or jump off a bridge.
Anyways, the slip up happened and I’m here because know I need some help, and I know SR has helped me in the past. My pregnancy is super uncomfortable right now and keeping me in bed/laying on my back most of the time so I figured this would be a good place to start, although I did check out a f2f meeting last night.
Plz no judgements.... I can’t change what happened now and I’m already disgusted with myself.
Self loathing is probably my biggest trigger as it is and I’m definitely full of that 24/7. I don’t feel a connection to this baby or my partner or anything in this world to be honest, my life is basically nothing but sh** right now. Wish I could
just not be here anymore - although I am not actively suicidal.
I just need a little hope, I think.
Nice to meet any new friends and hopefully run into some old ones. My old acct was Mrrryah1 but for some reason it’s been inactivated. Not sure why.
Anyways. I’m an alcoholic/pill addict/IV cocaine junkie, plus a few others I’m sure..... spent over half my life now in active addiction. 4 treatment centres, countless attempts at recovery (using SR, AA, NA, treatment, smart recovery, rational therapy) etc. and never been able to put more than 6 months together.
I’m 3-4 days sober. I’m also 7 months pregnant with my first child. I’m struggling with some serious pre-natal depression, although my mental health issues have been prevalent for the majority of my life.
I’ve been pretty much sober for my entire pregnancy until this last slip which only lasted an hour or two before I had to get home to my partner so he didn’t realize anything was wrong. I didn’t even get high. Well - not my kind of high anyways. Usually if I don’t OD, go into convulsions or psychosis after a shot I don’t even consider it a high. So now my brains going crazy about that - “my one last time can’t be my one last time cause I didn’t even get high”. I was too afraid of hurting baby - I don’t even know why I was doing it. I had just been obsessing for so long it was like I couldn’t take it anymore, it was either use or jump off a bridge.
Anyways, the slip up happened and I’m here because know I need some help, and I know SR has helped me in the past. My pregnancy is super uncomfortable right now and keeping me in bed/laying on my back most of the time so I figured this would be a good place to start, although I did check out a f2f meeting last night.
Plz no judgements.... I can’t change what happened now and I’m already disgusted with myself.
Self loathing is probably my biggest trigger as it is and I’m definitely full of that 24/7. I don’t feel a connection to this baby or my partner or anything in this world to be honest, my life is basically nothing but sh** right now. Wish I could
just not be here anymore - although I am not actively suicidal.
I just need a little hope, I think.
Nice to meet any new friends and hopefully run into some old ones. My old acct was Mrrryah1 but for some reason it’s been inactivated. Not sure why.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,362
Welcome back Mrrryah 
The best advice I can give is pretty obvious - stay sober stay clean and consult a lot with your Dr, and psych doc if you have one.
Stay safe - for you and for baby.
we closed the other account, on your request.
You had quite a number of myrrrah accounts - if its safe to do so, maybe keep your SR password somewhere?
The best advice I can give is pretty obvious - stay sober stay clean and consult a lot with your Dr, and psych doc if you have one.
Stay safe - for you and for baby.
we closed the other account, on your request.
You had quite a number of myrrrah accounts - if its safe to do so, maybe keep your SR password somewhere?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome back Mrrryah
The best advice I can give is pretty obvious - stay sober stay clean and consult a lot with your Dr, and psych doc if you have one.
Stay safe - for you and for baby.
we closed the other account, on your request.
You had quite a number of myrrrah accounts - if its safe to do so, maybe keep your SR password somewhere?
The best advice I can give is pretty obvious - stay sober stay clean and consult a lot with your Dr, and psych doc if you have one.
Stay safe - for you and for baby.
we closed the other account, on your request.
You had quite a number of myrrrah accounts - if its safe to do so, maybe keep your SR password somewhere?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Hi Mrrryah, I actually do remember you based on your name. I think I probably posted on one of your threads a few years ago. I also have come and gone over the years. Another reason why I think I remember you is because you related your experiences with injecting cocaine, which is rare on this forum. I used to snort it years ago as with everyone else did amongst my friends. I had a friend get addicted to smoking crack. Never came across an IV cocaine user so your story stood out for me.
I don't remember your details but welcome back. I a few days sober myself from alcohol, my main DOC. No lectures from me here.
I don't remember your details but welcome back. I a few days sober myself from alcohol, my main DOC. No lectures from me here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Someone I know just had a drug addicted baby - he's really not doing well, been in the hospital for almost a month now because he won't breathe or eat on his own.
The decisions you make now could end up being decisions you have to live with for the rest of your life - and your unborn child's. You may not feel a connection with your baby today, but you will once you meet him or her.
The decisions you make now could end up being decisions you have to live with for the rest of your life - and your unborn child's. You may not feel a connection with your baby today, but you will once you meet him or her.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Myrrryah. Glad you are reaching out for help. I'd also say the best thing you can do is stay in close touch with your Doctor and consider seeing a Counselor/therapist if you have the ability to do so. And spend as much time as you feel necessary here if SR has been a help in the past.
Of course you know all the reasons for not drinking/drugging while you are pregnant. For many addicts, being pregnant itself is enough to keep them abstinent. But of course pregnancy only lasts a finite period of time - and being sober after the baby is born is just as important, or likely even more important. I truly hope you can get the help you need wherever it might be - but also find the strength to want to stay sober for yourself and the new life you will be bringing into this world.
Of course you know all the reasons for not drinking/drugging while you are pregnant. For many addicts, being pregnant itself is enough to keep them abstinent. But of course pregnancy only lasts a finite period of time - and being sober after the baby is born is just as important, or likely even more important. I truly hope you can get the help you need wherever it might be - but also find the strength to want to stay sober for yourself and the new life you will be bringing into this world.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Thanks Wastedlife I remember you too - we definitely ran into each other on the threads. NMD thanks for your congratulations.
I really thought pregnancy was going to be enough to keep me sober, like so many others.... plus a child. I know that’s nieve but I figured a huge life change could only help things - they certainly weren’t getting any better with what I was doing. Like I said this slip up woke me up to the reality of things, hence why I am here.
The baby daddy is 3 years sober in recovery as well and I’m currently living with him (moved in together after less than a month of dating - pregnant after two months - typical alcoholic fashion) so I thought - how could I even use? And for a long time the obsession left me. I thought I was ok. Until it came back, and I wasn’t....
I really thought pregnancy was going to be enough to keep me sober, like so many others.... plus a child. I know that’s nieve but I figured a huge life change could only help things - they certainly weren’t getting any better with what I was doing. Like I said this slip up woke me up to the reality of things, hence why I am here.
The baby daddy is 3 years sober in recovery as well and I’m currently living with him (moved in together after less than a month of dating - pregnant after two months - typical alcoholic fashion) so I thought - how could I even use? And for a long time the obsession left me. I thought I was ok. Until it came back, and I wasn’t....
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Welcome back Mrrryah and congrats
Ok, so what's done is done and I think what you need to do is rally the troops now. Talk to your doctor, get some good face to face supports. Have you ever been to any AA or NA meetings? Addiction counseling?
You don't have to do this alone. Pregnancy kept me sober but like Scott said, motherhood did not and could not. You need some good supports, please post lots. And don't keep beating yourself up. Parents struggle enough with guilt for a million reasons- do what you can to let this go and forgive yourself and love yourself and your baby enough to stay well and move forward on the right path. You both deserve that.
You're not alone.
Ok, so what's done is done and I think what you need to do is rally the troops now. Talk to your doctor, get some good face to face supports. Have you ever been to any AA or NA meetings? Addiction counseling?
You don't have to do this alone. Pregnancy kept me sober but like Scott said, motherhood did not and could not. You need some good supports, please post lots. And don't keep beating yourself up. Parents struggle enough with guilt for a million reasons- do what you can to let this go and forgive yourself and love yourself and your baby enough to stay well and move forward on the right path. You both deserve that.
You're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome back and congratulations on your pregnancy. Being a mom is the very best part of my life. You are smart to log back on here and to make sure you have a plan in place, because as amazing as motherhood is, it can also be stressful, so thinking about how SR, AA, or any other supports can help is very smart.
I know the last few months of pregnancy can be tough. You are exhausted because you are growing a tiny human . Try to find ways to spoil yourself a little. Buy some of your favorite snacks, get a pregnancy massage, sleep (you will need this!!) Journal some letters to your unborn baby about all your hopes and dreams for them.
Don't you know if you are having a boy or girl? Do you have a name picked out? If so, start journaling letters to the baby by name.
You can do this, you can stay sober for you, and your little one. If you are struggling talk to your doctor.
Sending lots of love and support your way.
I know the last few months of pregnancy can be tough. You are exhausted because you are growing a tiny human . Try to find ways to spoil yourself a little. Buy some of your favorite snacks, get a pregnancy massage, sleep (you will need this!!) Journal some letters to your unborn baby about all your hopes and dreams for them.
Don't you know if you are having a boy or girl? Do you have a name picked out? If so, start journaling letters to the baby by name.
You can do this, you can stay sober for you, and your little one. If you are struggling talk to your doctor.
Sending lots of love and support your way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Hi M,
It's good to see you!
I'm glad you're focusing on your sobriety for yourself and your baby. I know that you can stay sober till the baby's born, and I hope that you will continue to stay sober after that. Having a newborn is very stressful, so if you could come up with a plan to stay sober, it would most likely help a lot.
It's good to see you!
I'm glad you're focusing on your sobriety for yourself and your baby. I know that you can stay sober till the baby's born, and I hope that you will continue to stay sober after that. Having a newborn is very stressful, so if you could come up with a plan to stay sober, it would most likely help a lot.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Anna
Hi M,
It's good to see you!
I'm glad you're focusing on your sobriety for yourself and your baby. I know that you can stay sober till the baby's born, and I hope that you will continue to stay sober after that. Having a newborn is very stressful, so if you could come up with a plan to stay sober, it would most likely help a lot.
It's good to see you!
I'm glad you're focusing on your sobriety for yourself and your baby. I know that you can stay sober till the baby's born, and I hope that you will continue to stay sober after that. Having a newborn is very stressful, so if you could come up with a plan to stay sober, it would most likely help a lot.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Welcome back and congratulations on your pregnancy. Being a mom is the very best part of my life. You are smart to log back on here and to make sure you have a plan in place, because as amazing as motherhood is, it can also be stressful, so thinking about how SR, AA, or any other supports can help is very smart.
I know the last few months of pregnancy can be tough. You are exhausted because you are growing a tiny human . Try to find ways to spoil yourself a little. Buy some of your favorite snacks, get a pregnancy massage, sleep (you will need this!!) Journal some letters to your unborn baby about all your hopes and dreams for them.
Don't you know if you are having a boy or girl? Do you have a name picked out? If so, start journaling letters to the baby by name.
You can do this, you can stay sober for you, and your little one. If you are struggling talk to your doctor.
Sending lots of love and support your way.
I know the last few months of pregnancy can be tough. You are exhausted because you are growing a tiny human . Try to find ways to spoil yourself a little. Buy some of your favorite snacks, get a pregnancy massage, sleep (you will need this!!) Journal some letters to your unborn baby about all your hopes and dreams for them.
Don't you know if you are having a boy or girl? Do you have a name picked out? If so, start journaling letters to the baby by name.
You can do this, you can stay sober for you, and your little one. If you are struggling talk to your doctor.
Sending lots of love and support your way.
definitely need that preggo massage!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
It sounds like you've really tried to stay sober through your pregnancy. It feels impossible sometimes to beat addiction and you are dealing with multiple ones.
the less you use, the better your outcomes will be. for the baby and also for you, your body is under its own stress with pregnancy as well. It's a very unique biological time in a human life, it carries stress.
You have higher weight and blood volume, so it would take much larger amounts to get high, so instead of thinking "I missed my chance to get high" realize that "there's no way I CAN get high without killing myself and my child."
be strong. You have it in you. And get as much support as you need....and then even more support than that. Medical, psychological, spiritual, family...and stay on SR, too.
the less you use, the better your outcomes will be. for the baby and also for you, your body is under its own stress with pregnancy as well. It's a very unique biological time in a human life, it carries stress.
You have higher weight and blood volume, so it would take much larger amounts to get high, so instead of thinking "I missed my chance to get high" realize that "there's no way I CAN get high without killing myself and my child."
be strong. You have it in you. And get as much support as you need....and then even more support than that. Medical, psychological, spiritual, family...and stay on SR, too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,854
((((Mrrryah))).
So very good to see you. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Seven months - you are almost there - hang on, sweetheart; sobriety is the absolute best thing that you can do for your little one.
Put this slip behind you. I love Delilah’s idea about writing little messages to your baby each day. [“Wow, that was quite a kick, my little friend; you must be eating your Wheaties!”]. Or [”I hope that you like walks because I found a great strolling path the other day”]. Kids love listening to little stories.
I am so proud of you for taking care of this little baby; put this slip behind you and keep moving forward, one day at a time, one step at a time.
Stay close, dear one.
So very good to see you. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Seven months - you are almost there - hang on, sweetheart; sobriety is the absolute best thing that you can do for your little one.
Put this slip behind you. I love Delilah’s idea about writing little messages to your baby each day. [“Wow, that was quite a kick, my little friend; you must be eating your Wheaties!”]. Or [”I hope that you like walks because I found a great strolling path the other day”]. Kids love listening to little stories.
I am so proud of you for taking care of this little baby; put this slip behind you and keep moving forward, one day at a time, one step at a time.
Stay close, dear one.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
((((Mrrryah))).
So very good to see you. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Seven months - you are almost there - hang on, sweetheart; sobriety is the absolute best thing that you can do for your little one.
Put this slip behind you. I love Delilah’s idea about writing little messages to your baby each day. [“Wow, that was quite a kick, my little friend; you must be eating your Wheaties!”]. Or [”I hope that you like walks because I found a great strolling path the other day”]. Kids love listening to little stories.
I am so proud of you for taking care of this little baby; put this slip behind you and keep moving forward, one day at a time, one step at a time.
Stay close, dear one.
So very good to see you. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Seven months - you are almost there - hang on, sweetheart; sobriety is the absolute best thing that you can do for your little one.
Put this slip behind you. I love Delilah’s idea about writing little messages to your baby each day. [“Wow, that was quite a kick, my little friend; you must be eating your Wheaties!”]. Or [”I hope that you like walks because I found a great strolling path the other day”]. Kids love listening to little stories.
I am so proud of you for taking care of this little baby; put this slip behind you and keep moving forward, one day at a time, one step at a time.
Stay close, dear one.
Thanks guys for checking in on me 💕💕💕 I have been browsing the threads too
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