Poppy46

Day 10 and I'm not sure how I feel today. Does anyone else struggle to know how they're feeling?

It's been a real challenge for me to identify my emotions. I sometimes make lists to try and see if I can "match up" what's going on internally with a word (sad, tired, isolated, excluded, lonely, overwhelmed, anxious, humiliated).

Even though I can't identify emotions, boy can I react to them! A thought provokes an avalanche of swirling stories about the past and pain and predictions about the future and fear. Once this process starts, the drive to take action is overwhelming - it happens compulsively and mostly before I can even stop myself.

My version of action is usually complaining, controlling, manipulating, checking, avoiding, denying, and of course... drinking.

I'm trying hard to be less reactive. One of my favorite codependency phrases is, "Don't just do something, sit there!"

Anyone know what to do with emotions and/or how to be less reactive?

MantaLady

I had a similar issue in rehab where I just couldn’t identify what I was feeling. I knew I was feeling something but couldn’t name it. My counsellor got me to use an emotions wheel that listed many many emotions and for a whole week at 5 set times each day I had to look through the wheel and list out what I felt from that. It might sound daft but it really helped me see patterns in my behaviour and reactions to situations during the day.

There is a saying in recovery about the space between action and reaction being the place we need to find and use. It’s the most powerful place to find for people like us. If something bothers you take a few deep breaths before you react or maybe use worry beeds used in meditation where you feel the beads to ground yourself before you react. Not sure if I am explaining this right but it works for me. X

Anna

I didn't know how to deal with my emotions when I stopped drinking. In fact, I was really terrified of my emotions, after burying them in alcohol for quite awhile. What helped me was to know that our feelings are just feelings. They don't control us. We do not have to react to them, but rather we can observe the feeling and let it go.

August252015

This took me awhile too. Sorting through what I was upset about...and also learning when I was looking for something to be wrong because I was used to drama, ups and downs, complaining....learning to just be, so to speak, took awhile

You are doing great with ten days and while I didn't like hearing it at first, since of course I wanted things to be better and clearer and easier right then, people who told me to keep going and don't drink were right.

Delilah1

I have found mindfulness, and going foe walks/hikes (think it's the combination of exercise and being outdoors) good ways to stay focused in the moment, and also relieve anxiety/stress. There are some great mindfulness apps, and also videos on you tube.

Poppy46

Thank you MantaLady for your thoughtful post. What you described with the emotion wheel sounds like the type of really helpful exercise that can seem silly at the time. Everything seems to come down to patterns and the better I can identify mine, the better chance I have of not returning to old coping strategies.

The ability to pause in that space between action and reaction is what I hope to develop through meditation as well. I really like the idea of meditation beads as something physical to ground me.

Poppy46

August - thank you..I was so happy to see replies to my post this morning. I'm committing to be on here daily. I get very good at isolating myself despite having family, friends, job, etc. I'm not used to support.

I've definitely noticed myself "looking for something to be wrong," lately. I've had so much drama over the past 10 years. It's difficult to believe that there isn't a crisis around every corner. It's hard just to be without trying to control my environment.

You're right this is the best advice - "Keep going and don't drink"

PalmerSage

First of all, congratulations on day 10! I totally understand how difficult it can be to unwind your feelings at the beginning. For me, the most important tool was journaling, I would type until I got to the bottom of whatever I was feeling (usually anger and resentment, to be honest) and I always had more mental clarity afterwards. Also, try to remember to be patient with yourself. It's so tempting to want to fix everything immediately, but you should allow yourself time to ease into sobriety. ALL you have to do today is not drink, and you can call it a win.

MantaLady

Thanks Poppy. Meditation has helped me a lot too. We did meditation daily at rehab and it’s something that I have continued with. I use the insight timer app which has thousands of meditations you can choose from, some are a bit pants but there are also lots of great ones on their too!

We also did a lot of mindfulness and I had a lot of talks with the teacher about how we are not our thoughts, and through meditation I would learn to let thoughts pass through my mind and not grab onto them, just let them pass through without judgement. That has been hard but I do that daily now too and sometimes realise that I have had a thought and I have grabbed onto it and engaged it delving deeper and turning it over. Good thing is I am starting to recognise it now, I return to the breath and let go.

Hope you are doing well today xx

Poppy46

I am doing alright today and I hope you are as well. This is my 7th serious attempt at getting sober. We learn each time and I know for sure at this point that mindfulness is a big part of the path for me. I like the insight timer too and I'm a big fan of the Calm app as there are so many options.