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giving up a job, to get better

Old 09-25-2018, 02:04 AM
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giving up a job, to get better

Hello all,

I have two questions maybe I will leave them as two seperate threads. I'm a male in my early forties and during the last four years my addictions have just got out of control and it's been one bad situation after another. I quit several times and i'm sure you'll know that I meant it when I said. And then I have no damn idea. Impulse. Savage, lunatic spending and reckless decisions.

I finished a job contract (talk about spiinning plates losing one job and floating into another) and then I don't know what happened but a found a therapy programme.

Here's what happened everything was going super well and maybe they challenged me for something but I got super depressed and I felt nobody was asking how I was ( I was put on this reflection thing but was not allowed to talk to my mates in the group). I don't know why but I just couldn't function and had the offer of a job contract (and I can pay debts that were stressing me) and so I took the job contrcat...

then i drank, then I used then I did crazy, crazy things....still continued in my job....but I knew last saturday when I was lying in bed and having genuine suicidal thoughts that I needed professional help...

my other half encouraged me to keep on working (even though i scared the hell out of her at weekend) howwver i feel again....

and today I said no.....jack the job.....I need that help right now.

she's not happy at my decision.

i don't understand that
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Old 09-25-2018, 02:22 AM
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Welcome.

I think one of your questions is whether it's a good idea to put recovery over any job? If so, then I think yes.

When I decided to quit drinking for good, everything had to come second or further down the list. Everything. It was scary at certain points. I am in the restaurant world and when I supported myself over my ten years of increasingly devastating drinking, I did it as a server.

I was very sick when I quit and it was six weeks or so til I got a job again. It was at Chick Fil A, an Atlanta based fast food place with a very positive work culture. I made half or less of what I did as a server but it was a safe, good place to be newly sober. At five and a half months I went back to the server world for a year. I made that decision carefully and it was a good one as I turned out to have a long time sober boss and another mgr friend who knew of my sober journey from the start.

I (along with my husband) have made a number of decisions, including me not working at all for a period of time (3-4 mo then another similar period after a serious back injury) that were based on what was best for my sobriety and with joint agreement about money.

There are more details, but I absolutely believe making these choices first for my literal sobriety then increasingly for my emotional sobriety were all the right choices. Now I work for a company with an amazing work culture, and I got to an office position through jumping at the chance to lead the Atlanta chapter of an industry recovery group ur owner started.

Everyone has a different situation . I truly believe that putting my sobriety above any job, relationship, situation, etc is always the right choice for me.
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Old 09-25-2018, 02:23 AM
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Hi Theprince - Welcome

is your other half your wife?

She may feel that she should have been consulted more before you made the choice, or that you considered the financial repercussions - I dunno.

If I read correctly the choice is made anyway - so back your decision.

its a bold choice but if you can really work on your recovery it's a choice that will pay dividends.

what kind of professional help are you going for?

D
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Old 09-25-2018, 02:27 AM
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To elaborate on my experience with Dees comments about the significant other role...my first decisions about CFa then serving were made by me, with consultation of my sponsor and other sober support. As my relationship with my now husband grew, things transitioned to a We thing, including leaving that server job and taking the first time off from work. I valued the foundation we were building and we both agreed that things needed to be discussed and jointly planned. Financially, I couldn't have gone without working for most of this current year without his income. That has impacted big things like what we will do for our "wedding party" with others is Dec, as we got married by ourselves at the courthouse last year.

Along my 2.5 and change time of sobriety, I have sought a lot of help from AA to the restaurant industry group to great drs including a psych.
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Old 09-25-2018, 02:59 AM
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Ok I made two replies but they didn't save....

So, i'm just going to say thank you so much to the both of you for your quick and thoughtful replies. They did make me reflect for one.
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Old 09-25-2018, 03:04 AM
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For me personally I find that having a full time job makes sobriety easier. There is a lot of truth in the saying:

"Idleness is the workshop of the devil".

For example, I have heard several guys in my local AA group tell us that their drinking really took off when they retired.

That said I realize that for others quitting work is a necessary component of their recovery. Seems particularly true if the job environment involves alcohol. Another guy in my AA group quit his job in the restaurant industry to help him get sober. He's now a home improvement contractor.

So I guess in the end I have don't know if quitting work is a good idea for you. But I would discuss it a bit more with your spouse. If you surprised her with an announcement that you were going to quit working w/o consulting her I can see why she is not happy with your decision.
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Old 09-25-2018, 03:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Theprince - Welcome

is your other half your wife?

She may feel that she should have been consulted more before you made the choice, or that you considered the financial repercussions - I dunno.

If I read correctly the choice is made anyway - so back your decision.

its a bold choice but if you can really work on your recovery it's a choice that will pay dividends.

what kind of professional help are you going for?

D
Thank you so much. I guess unofficial wife. Together a long time.

Good comment as I know that communication has been an issue. So that did make me pause and think. We were supposed to sit down at the weekend and discuss communication if that means anything (my idea). She's very very sensitive so everything is a direct hit on her.

the program is group therapy. the impose a load of limitations on you (for example you must go to bed before midnight and you must be up by eight. you've got to clean and mop the bathroom and make your bed and clean the bedroom every day. you the addict must set the table and clear the table and wash up on every meal....

there's more, but basically you go to group every day and you've got to say if you have missed any of your responsabilities or you have jumped any of your limits. then the others have to confront you and you can't say anything...

that's the first stage!
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Old 09-25-2018, 03:19 AM
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Originally Posted by AAPJ View Post
For me personally I find that having a full time job makes sobriety easier. There is a lot of truth in the saying:

"Idleness is the workshop of the devil".

For example, I have heard several guys in my local AA group tell us that their drinking really took off when they retired.

That said I realize that for others quitting work is a necessary component of their recovery. Seems particularly true if the job environment involves alcohol. Another guy in my AA group quit his job in the restaurant industry to help him get sober. He's now a home improvement contractor.

So I guess in the end I have don't know if quitting work is a good idea for you. But I would discuss it a bit more with your spouse. If you surprised her with an announcement that you were going to quit working w/o consulting her I can see why she is not happy with your decision.
rationally I totally agree with you.

However, Saturday I could have easily plunged a blade into me as I was so disappointed in how things unravelled. however, I didn't and went forward with the job and monday night I drank and went out and done coke. After swearing that my life mission was now set in stone. And rationallity goes out the window. I just wanted to give up on life.

I told her she could have my cards and I also told her if she needed to move i would help her. I actually told her that while I'm there I would put her in charge of my income (i'll still have money coming in).

I told her she can leave too and I would still look after her
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