lessgravity

I go into the partner's office for a discussion about money that is anxiety-ridden and uncomfortable.

I answer every call when my phone rings, whether I know the number or not.

I wake up before dawn to get to the weight room.

I do not eat the cake.

Obviously, I don't drink.

As wonderful as early sobriety is, as I've expressed here before, it is also filled with the chickens coming home to roost/real life/bills/debts/health responsibilities that, as a drunk, I skimmed the surface of. What I am conscious of these days, and what seems to be providing me with strength and even peace, are the places where I would AVOID throughout my life before.

I try to be as aware as I can of the moments through my day when the demons in my head say "put that off for now", "no need to do that", "it can wait", - I can almost feel a physical sensation created by my psyche in these moments - it has been habituated to avoidance and wants to return, again and again, to that desultory, humid, horrible cocoon. When I find myself wanting to avoid - even the smallest things - I try and force myself to "go through" - to push through the discomfort and do the thing that is causing my anxiety and desire to avoid.

Like anything good and of value, it takes work. But also it seems to be getting better with time. Perhaps I can get addicted now to the feeling of calm, and very mild euphoria I feel when I get done that which I do not want to do.

Sober life is everything.

MantaLady

Perfect post for me to read this evening, thanks Less!! I have slipped back into not doing what I should be doing, procrastinating and bargaining. It is affecting my mood and I can feel myself sliding. I need to do exactly what you have pointed out, just do it even if I don't want to!! x

saoutchik

I understand how you feel LessG. We become habituated to avoidance until even quite mildly uncomfortable conversations become fearsome seeming and financial matters seem like loaded grenades. It sounds like you are biting the bullet and facing these things so well done for that - another tick in the positives column.

I guess too that drinkers are not the only people who experience these feelings nor are we the only people whose chickens have come home to roost.

Glad to read your post as a reminder to myself not to slip back into old patterns of behaviour.

Arpeggioh

Preach it, dude! You're talking directly at me; my lifelong battle cry (whine) is "I don't feel like it!" Avoidance has become so ingrained, it feels literally like a boulder on my shoulder. Sober, sure; productive, not even. What kind of self ****** did you use to move past this crap? I'm a blob...

Buckley3

What timing. And great insight.

I'm currently staring at some of these demons myself. Reminding myself that I can't win it by expecting to arrive somewhere. Rather, I have to DO something today. Anything. Any little thing. Like you said, pick up the phone. Do the exercise. Have the conversation. Block out the 'i should' or 'i wish' or 'someday' or the worst 'i'm not ready' and instead say "i'm doing this thing now."

Consistency over time.

Thanks for the post.

-B

Kdon853

Should is no longer in my vocabulary anymore. I do not tell people what they should do. As far as myself there is no more, I should eat better, I should settle with the IRS, I should pay my debts etc. I am doing these things.
When I procrastinate which I still do occasionally, I feel like I’m moving backwards . Still a lot of work.

Free2bme888

Perfectly timed. At D 119. Got a lot done the past few days, but made myself do some not so desirable personal tasks at lunch

Feels good

Glad so many can relate

bunchie

Great post , I have noticed my procrastination becoming better since I stopped drinking. Why do alcoholics procrastinate?

soberlicious

Gettin' sh*t done does feel good! Pushing through hard things, big and small, does wonders for me every single time. I love your post!

lessgravity

Have you ever read James Hollis? Check him out. Jungian analyst who speaks directly to the mental blockage that drives so many of us away from the selves we might be.

Caralara144

Well said less...
Brilliant post as always
Your my inspiration x
Cara x

Caralara144

Oops sorry I'm still eating cake !!!😂🤣😂

Nonsensical

Discipline = Freedom

It's a bit hyped for marketing purposes, but still true!

PalmerSage

This post was really thought-provoking to me, mostly because I agree (but only up to a point). What I mean is that as a drinker, I was hyper-productive in many ways, but it was fueled by my alcohol-induced anxiety. Sure, I allowed some things to slip that I'm now prioritizing, such as my weight and being a better parent to my kids...but on the whole, at 9+ months sober, I'm actually getting LESS done, but tending to the critical things first and letting a lot of things slide. I got advice early on to avoid rushing to fix everything that was wrong with my life all at once, and just focus on sobriety. The rest is coming much more slowly, and I'm OK with it. I remember feeling unproductive in very early sobriety, which prompted me to create "done" lists instead of "to-dos." I'm generally very action-oriented, so this was not natural for me, but I do think it's eased the transition into a happier and longer-lasting recovery. Just another way to think about it.

Mango212

I answer every call when my phone rings, whether I know the number or not.

Hi less,

This part in particular has been quite a journey for me. For a long time I did this and it was very good for me.

This past year it's been the opposite. Prayer. Meditation. Let the phone ring. Let it go to voicemail. Messages can be replied to after listening to it, pausing, praying, waiting. Taking more time for the moment I'm in. No messages = no reply needed.


-----
Disclosure: both versions have been modeled for me by my alanon sponsor. Everything in life changes. Ebb and flow. Listening to our healthy inner voice, this gets easier.

Cosima11

Definitely something I still need to work on, my motivation has been fickle at best and avoidance is still sometimes my go to move if things get overwhelming. The comfort and safety of the cocoon has been healing but can also be overly restrictive. I desperately want/need a change in my career and know I'm capable now of handling the challenges sober, it's just a matter of forcing myself to jump fully in.. But if there's anything I've learned it's that showing consistency in the seemingly small daily habits and choices is what ultimately makes the difference.

Hawkeye13

Timely reminder for me right now
Thanks lg