dawnrising

I am just amazed by the latest actions and dishonesty of my AH. I guess the mask is all the way off now and what is left is just vile. Tells the kids that there is plenty of money, writes to me how he just wants to take care of me, and give me what I want, but then in mediation when we ask for what is considered standard there was no movement at all. So now we go to court. The judge granted a continuance and will decide whether we have a jury trial or not. AH thinks we were denied he is confused, or he was lied to by his attorney this will be decided at a later date by the judge. We have had to subpoena financial records, and subpoena his company, and now we will subpoena new parties to information in January. He has tried to over value our home, its ridiculous. His lawyer had a complete screaming meltdown in front of the judge. What are they thinking? Who is this man I married? He has lost his family, doesn't have many friends, his FOO is completely dysfunctional and out of the picture. It makes me wonder if there is mental illness at work here even beyond the alcoholism. My attorney is rated one of the mostly ethical attorneys in out metro area and has been practicing for 40 years. She said she has never seen anything to this extreme. Even one of his friends I haven't seen for at least 15 years reached out to me and said he just couldn't believe what he saw in him last year. It makes me so sad for him. Instead of turning inward and facing his demons he is just destroying his life and everyone can see it. Is the pride in control, the denial, what is it?

Bernadette

Is the pride in control, the denial, what is it?

All of the above if he is an alcoholic and actively drinking.
Very sad, very common. Try not to apply any logic to their behavior, you'll never get an answer. It's the insanity of alcoholism/addiction.

Sorry for all you're going through, it s*cks. (((((hugs)))))
Peace,
B

mamabear26

I've been asking myself this same question going through a divorce myself right now so many secrets and lies come out. And you are left wondering you were sleeping with a strange the whole time.

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholism IS mental illness (it's not a disease of the elbow). Active alcoholics have distorted reality, lie constantly and believe all their problems are because of other people (vs. the alcohol).

hopeful4

Addicts spiral out of control. That is what is happening.

Keep the focus on you and your kids and let your attorney take care of everything, that is what you are paying for.

Big hugs.

dawnrising

It just boggles the mind how someone can stay employed at a high level and have this lack of reality in another part of his life. The saddest part about all of this is my kids. They have lost what a father should be and are left with this shell of a person and on top of it my daughter told me that she had seen multiple times the way he looked at me when I was enforcing boundaries on not living with an active alcoholic. She was saying his eyes turn black and he looks at me like he wants me dead..... that scared her like staring directly into the beast. I can't believe I stayed long enough for my daughter to see that, I had seen it for a good couple of years, he just couldn't contain it anymore. When I get tired of this divorce stuff my daughter and my sister tell me to keep going. If nothing else I will not let my daughter down, she needs me to continue standing up for myself if nothing more than to leave her that example.

hopeful4

It is mind boggling!

My XAH has a very good job right now. He normally goes and in cycles, but he does have a degree and always seems to find these good jobs. It's amazing to me.

You hit the nail on the head. Your DD will see a strong example who is always there for her, and that is what she needs.

I know it's such a hard process, but you are doing an amazing job!!!