secretchord

A broken record
A failure
I try and I can't get through the cravings
I want to give up
I feel alone and hopeless
I want help but I can't afford the help I need
What is wrong with me?

D122y

Imo...that is addiction.

Until I had a reason to quit that motivated me enough to quit...I couldn't do it.

If they put me in jail for 10 years...technically I could not continue to drink. I would not die...I would dry out. When I got out I would drink again. That is addiction.

I crave still, but not as bad as the first 6 months. It was worse the first month than at 6 months.

I had to suffer through. It gets harder at first..then easier.

But, if there's not motivation..e.g. dieing or sick, DUI, fired, losing kids...it is very hard.

I was dieing.

Thanks.

secretchord

I just wish. I had someone to call that could talk me through a craving. I don't do groups bc I'm shy. I need someone.

Anna

You are not alone and you are not a failure. You are here, right now, and that means a lot. You must not give up hope because this disease is relentless. You can do this and you can get through the cravings. Try to find something to add to your plan to help you get through the day.

The Salvation Army offers free rehab:

http://satruck.org/national-rehabilitation

And this is a great thread to help with getting through cravings:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

least

You're not a loser, you're addicted to alcohol. I hope you will utilize the support here to help you get sober for good.

secretchord

I feel like I can make it a week, maybe two, and then the cravings my God are so relentless. Today I literally had a craving for 4 hours at work.

PhoenixJ

SC- addiction sucks. I use imagery to get over thoughts/feelings. I imagine I am a rock- and waves from the sea wash over this rock- the waves are the cravings or the anger or whatever. When the waves recede- am I am still there. Another important thing for me to remember is HALTS.
if I am
Hungry - I eat
Angry- go for a walk, post here, talk to someone, go to a meet
Lonely- I FORCE myself to be around humans- even if it is just a walk in a shopping centre
Tired- I nananap
or
Thirsty - water and lots of it and

Sad- I again- try to talk to someone, post here (lots of threads- always someone here 24/7), journal or go to a MEET. (Just to listen, not talk)
or
Stressed- mindful breathing, walk or eat/rest/hydrate

Use SR lots- post 100 times a day if it helps. No pressure...there are literally hundreds of thou of stories, posts etc. Read, research, get involved. This place helped me turn my stuff around.

Support to you.

DontRemember

Have you tried one on one therapy/addiction counselor? Obviously they won't be able to talk on the phone whenever cravings hit,but it could give you some tools to handle them and possibly help with your fear of going to f2f meetings/group. Just a thought.

secretchord

What should I do at work? I feel triggered at my afternoon job a lot because, well, it's stupid and boring as hell, and my favorite wine is literally across the street. I hate boredom. It is a huge trigger. I've been looking for a different job but no luck.

secretchord

I wanted to post while I was craving but AV knew you'd talk me out of it.

secretchord

I want to start exercising. I think that would help. I need to save money for a treadmill or elliptical. I'm just so broke right now.

The last successful time I quit I only wanted to make it a week but made it a year. Maybe I need to set goals. I made it a week this last time. Maybe should I go for two weeks this time and go from there?

CreativeThinker

Secret,

Exercise has been a life saver for me. My first year I power walked as much as possible. The cravings were gone by the time I returned from my walk. Another thing I did in the beginning was plan my workout during the times that I knew I would normally want to drink, after work, on the weekends...

It's really hard in the beginning, but the further away you get from your last drink, the easier it is to fight the cravings.

CT

2muchpain

It would probably be cheaper if you just signed up at a gym. Also gets you out of your home and in a healthy environment. John

Hevyn

You're not a failure - you're brave to keep trying & to want a better life. I clung to it long after it was no longer fun or a relief from problems. I lost many years thinking I'd find the old euphoria - but it was never coming back. I'd gone from social drinking to alcoholic drinking - one drink always led to 10. It took dui's & a ruined life to finally make me see. It doesn't have to come to that - you can get free. I hope you'll keep posting.

Dee74

hi secretchord - I don;t think theres anything wrong with you the rest of us haven't got wrong with us.

something that helped me was writing down all I was doing to stay sober - and then accepting that wasn't enough, thinking of what else I could do, right now, to change the battle, and win.

you're not a loser - but you do need an action plan

D

AtomicBlue

secretchord - I discovered my biggest trigger is late afternoon meetings at work. The stress would get to me and I’d start thinking of the only tool I knew how to relieve stress... alcohol. I learned to start preparing for these meetings in advance. Relaxing breathing etc. and decompressing afterwards. I also discovered that the feeling does go away and it’s much better to have not drank! If you’re worried about boredom at work have a plan to fill your time. You are NOT a loser.

2muchpain

Wisconsin is big on hunting and fishing. Are these activities that you would be interested in doing? John

PinnacleOR

I totally agree with what's been said. You're not a loser, you're an alcoholic, like a diabetic is a diabetic. I'm one too, and I've tried many times, over and over, to quit, as have many on here. For me, I just keep coming back, finding new nuggets of wisdom, and new tools to add to my arsenal to combat this cunning and baffling disease.

I am also an introvert and recently moved to a new place. I called AA and asked if anyone in my area would be willing to talk with me on the phone- and they were! You might consider that option - even if you're not ready to go to an in person meeting, you might find people willing to support you with a phone number when needed.

Fearlessat50

Secretchord, you are not a loser. You are just struggling with a disease/addiction like all of us. This is not an easy task. You’ve been sober a year before! You know you can do it. I agree with what others have said. Until you can financially get outside help, can you keep coming here? Someone posted about Salvation Army free rehab. Is there a crisis hotline? There’s lots of resources. What helped me was to journal my thoughts. I also am a runner and run whenever I feel stress. If that’s not possible, I have reprogrammed my brain to do something else I stead of giving in to a craving. Know that all feelings including cravings will eventually pass. As you continue to not give it, the cravings will get less and more manageable. You will get stronger. Not giving into a craving will not kill you. It will just strengthen you. Give yourself kudos every time you get through a craving. As far as triggers, when I have one, if I can’t run or go for a drive, I sometimes pop in my earbuds and listen to a meditation track even for 5min. Anything you can do to break the chain is breaking an old habit (drinking) and creating a new one. This will over time actually change your brain! It’s powerful! You have to want to get sober more than you want to drink.

Nonsensical

I used to set short term goals like this. It could be useful, but for me it never was. I always did them wrong. I would spend the entire two weeks day-dreaming about how, what, and where I was going to drink when the 2 weeks were over.

If I were doing it again, I would not set the goal as "can I go two weeks not drinking?", but rather "can I spend 2 weeks building a sober life?" Not drinking is passive. It left my mind unoccupied, so it would go to my favorite place - Drinktopia (that mythical place where drinking isn't wrecking everything else in my life.)
Building a sober life - now that is active. That would take effort. Putting on the mindset for 2 weeks of if I could never drink again, what kind of life would I build?

I think that would be a lot more valuable than just avoiding booze for 2 weeks.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!