Embarrassed to be checking in again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Embarrassed to be checking in again.
But oh well it's gotta be done.
Sr community, iam loosing hope here. Iam currently recovering from a week long binge. Running on 4 hours sleep and probably still a tiny bit drunk judging by the state of my mind.
What's the reason for this drinking again??
Who knows. All I know is it's happening and it's gotta stop.
Recently I have comprehended the complexity of alcoholism. It's really quite overwhelming. It occupies your thoughts and actions, activities, emotions, your sense of dress and style, your choices and your ambition for life.
Iam 27 and Ive seriously stunted my ability to live amongst everyone as a normal person only because drinking is on my mind. If not drinking then staying sober is on my mind 24/7.
I was sober for two months previously and the hardest thing was to keep my emotions on a even keel. I noticed that in my sobriety I would get extreme bouts of depression and my only medication was to go to sleep. Now that ism drinking I have noticed that the depression is replaced by aggression and anger and that obviously comes out when drinking.
What annoys me the most is being the alien amongst ppl when you say you don't drink, or if you mention your addiction.
Mannn.. back to square one.
If anyone is contemplating on drinking.
Just don't do it, hold onto the sober gift you have given yourself. I too will follow and be there soon again.
Sr community, iam loosing hope here. Iam currently recovering from a week long binge. Running on 4 hours sleep and probably still a tiny bit drunk judging by the state of my mind.
What's the reason for this drinking again??
Who knows. All I know is it's happening and it's gotta stop.
Recently I have comprehended the complexity of alcoholism. It's really quite overwhelming. It occupies your thoughts and actions, activities, emotions, your sense of dress and style, your choices and your ambition for life.
Iam 27 and Ive seriously stunted my ability to live amongst everyone as a normal person only because drinking is on my mind. If not drinking then staying sober is on my mind 24/7.
I was sober for two months previously and the hardest thing was to keep my emotions on a even keel. I noticed that in my sobriety I would get extreme bouts of depression and my only medication was to go to sleep. Now that ism drinking I have noticed that the depression is replaced by aggression and anger and that obviously comes out when drinking.
What annoys me the most is being the alien amongst ppl when you say you don't drink, or if you mention your addiction.
Mannn.. back to square one.
If anyone is contemplating on drinking.
Just don't do it, hold onto the sober gift you have given yourself. I too will follow and be there soon again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Welcome back. No need to be embarrassed coming to SR. Have you talked to your dr about your depression and anger? Maybe they can help with that.
As for feeling like an alien, I definitely felt out of my element at first too. I literally had no idea how to act around people or what to do with myself. It took some time getting comfortable with myself first. It’s also no one else’s business. You don’t have to tell people you aren’t drinking or why. A simple “no thanks” is all that is needed.
As for feeling like an alien, I definitely felt out of my element at first too. I literally had no idea how to act around people or what to do with myself. It took some time getting comfortable with myself first. It’s also no one else’s business. You don’t have to tell people you aren’t drinking or why. A simple “no thanks” is all that is needed.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
welcome back Renvate 
My experience was I had to give several months to sobriety before my brain chemistry settled down.
I had to give it longer than several months to build a sober life I loved and for me to start to be comfortable with who I really was.
It makes sense to me form this perspective because I understand that good things come through hard work. It didn't make sense to me as a drinker because I was geared to the immediate - open bottle, drink, fix me now.
The web of reasons, behaviours, fears, self beliefs and habits may be complex but the answers not.
Stop drinking man.
take a leap of faith that a few months from now you'll be in a way better plce and closer than ever to having those goals you want filled, filled.
If you become depressed or lack emotion again some time in future you can work on that, see someone even. There are much more effective solutions that drinking on the one hand or sleeping on the other.
Nothing is forever - except maybe self inflicted misery..
D
My experience was I had to give several months to sobriety before my brain chemistry settled down.
I had to give it longer than several months to build a sober life I loved and for me to start to be comfortable with who I really was.
It makes sense to me form this perspective because I understand that good things come through hard work. It didn't make sense to me as a drinker because I was geared to the immediate - open bottle, drink, fix me now.
The web of reasons, behaviours, fears, self beliefs and habits may be complex but the answers not.
Stop drinking man.
take a leap of faith that a few months from now you'll be in a way better plce and closer than ever to having those goals you want filled, filled.
If you become depressed or lack emotion again some time in future you can work on that, see someone even. There are much more effective solutions that drinking on the one hand or sleeping on the other.
Nothing is forever - except maybe self inflicted misery..
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I noticed myself getting more angry while drinking after a few short stints of either sober or short lived moderating. Looking back I was angry at myself and taking it out on others. Projecting my own frustration,fears and insecurities.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome back Rayna - I hope you'll start your own thread or somehow talk about your problems staying sober so that you can get some input and ideas too- but the main thrust of my post is still the same...
stop drinking. whatever it takes.
That's the fundamental step..
D
stop drinking. whatever it takes.
That's the fundamental step..
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Well done for coming back.
I was defeated by the beast many times over.
Wish I had SR to share with in my 20’s.
I was almost 41 when I quit.
That alien thing is common ground.
I didn’t even know who I was.
But now instead of feeling like an alien now I feel I can belong and just be.
There are many victories to be had being an ‘alien’ once you’ve been practicing it for several months ( it takes as long as it takes but it will happen)
Bright eyes
Nice skin
Clear head almost all of the time.
Reliable
Sharp
Able to think on the spot
Able to Remember things vividly
Able to learn new things
A lust for life
Imagine how far you can go at 27, all that life to live.
Well worth the effort of quitting.
Good luck
Don’t beat yourself up
I was defeated by the beast many times over.
Wish I had SR to share with in my 20’s.
I was almost 41 when I quit.
That alien thing is common ground.
I didn’t even know who I was.
But now instead of feeling like an alien now I feel I can belong and just be.
There are many victories to be had being an ‘alien’ once you’ve been practicing it for several months ( it takes as long as it takes but it will happen)
Bright eyes
Nice skin
Clear head almost all of the time.
Reliable
Sharp
Able to think on the spot
Able to Remember things vividly
Able to learn new things
A lust for life
Imagine how far you can go at 27, all that life to live.
Well worth the effort of quitting.
Good luck
Don’t beat yourself up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Thanks everyone.
I must have had some luck on my side this time because my Level of hangover is not as brutal as I anticipated, nor is my level of dispair.
Everything sounds so good about sober life I know because I've been in it, it's as true as people say, the battle is to get there and to stay there.
Atm my willpower is strong, this was the positive outcome of my 2 months of straight sobriety. A test and building of willpower and as it was said before, building sober muscles.
I must have had some luck on my side this time because my Level of hangover is not as brutal as I anticipated, nor is my level of dispair.
Everything sounds so good about sober life I know because I've been in it, it's as true as people say, the battle is to get there and to stay there.
Atm my willpower is strong, this was the positive outcome of my 2 months of straight sobriety. A test and building of willpower and as it was said before, building sober muscles.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 31
Welcome back. Nothing to be embarrassed about. You're back, which is all that matters.
The best thing about getting sober is we get our emotions back. The worst thing about getting sober is we get our emotions back.
Are you planning on doing anything differently this time?
The best thing about getting sober is we get our emotions back. The worst thing about getting sober is we get our emotions back.
Are you planning on doing anything differently this time?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Hey Renvate,
First, please do not be embarrassed. If getting sober was so easy and we all did it first time round then there would be no need for SoberRecovery. The main thing is you recognise you have a drinking problem and you have a desire to stop.
I am 5 months sober and I thought when I reached 2 months everything would be great. It wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was 1000 times better than the hell I was living in when drinking but I still wasn't right. I only started feeling alot better at about 4 and a half months sober. I agree with Dee. It takes time for our brains to heal and to start rewiring those neurons. And us alcoholics are inpatient gits. We want results immediately!!! But we HAVE to be patient. And every time you drink again any healing that has taken place is going to be ruined and you are starting over.
You are 27. You are still young. I am 45 now. How I wish I got sober at 27. Imagine being 45 and having to learn how to live life sober?!lol. But I cannot sit in self pity over it as that has been my experience and my journey and self pity is not going to help me. If anything it could take me back to a drink.
I used to worry about being seen as the odd one out not drinking. I was ashamed and embarrassed even to say I couldn't drink. I even used to worry others would be bored of my company if I wasn't drinking or if I would upset their drinking plans by not drinking. I mean, how insane is that?? But now?? I genuinley do not care what other people think. If anyone has a problem with me not drinking it is THEIR problem, not mine. Not that I particularly like being around (heavily) drinking people now. It is boring!! Alcohol tried to kill me. And if I drink again it will succeed I have no doubt about that. I have zero problem telling people now I don't drink and why (if I feel like telling them that is). This is MY life and my daughter's life. Alcohol is not robbing me of anymore of it and I am not ashamed of it.
The first 3 months were the hardest and I never want to go through them again. But I promise you, it does get easier and it does get so much much better. I have **** days But I know they will pass and I know that I do not need to pick up a drink. I was a daily drinker and a binge drinker for 20 plus years. You can do this and you won't regret it.
First, please do not be embarrassed. If getting sober was so easy and we all did it first time round then there would be no need for SoberRecovery. The main thing is you recognise you have a drinking problem and you have a desire to stop.
I am 5 months sober and I thought when I reached 2 months everything would be great. It wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was 1000 times better than the hell I was living in when drinking but I still wasn't right. I only started feeling alot better at about 4 and a half months sober. I agree with Dee. It takes time for our brains to heal and to start rewiring those neurons. And us alcoholics are inpatient gits. We want results immediately!!! But we HAVE to be patient. And every time you drink again any healing that has taken place is going to be ruined and you are starting over.
You are 27. You are still young. I am 45 now. How I wish I got sober at 27. Imagine being 45 and having to learn how to live life sober?!lol. But I cannot sit in self pity over it as that has been my experience and my journey and self pity is not going to help me. If anything it could take me back to a drink.
I used to worry about being seen as the odd one out not drinking. I was ashamed and embarrassed even to say I couldn't drink. I even used to worry others would be bored of my company if I wasn't drinking or if I would upset their drinking plans by not drinking. I mean, how insane is that?? But now?? I genuinley do not care what other people think. If anyone has a problem with me not drinking it is THEIR problem, not mine. Not that I particularly like being around (heavily) drinking people now. It is boring!! Alcohol tried to kill me. And if I drink again it will succeed I have no doubt about that. I have zero problem telling people now I don't drink and why (if I feel like telling them that is). This is MY life and my daughter's life. Alcohol is not robbing me of anymore of it and I am not ashamed of it.
The first 3 months were the hardest and I never want to go through them again. But I promise you, it does get easier and it does get so much much better. I have **** days But I know they will pass and I know that I do not need to pick up a drink. I was a daily drinker and a binge drinker for 20 plus years. You can do this and you won't regret it.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Welcome back, I'm also 27 so I understand the potential awkwardness of being a non drinker at this age. But the truth is (at least for me) everything I'd been telling myself about the drinking lifestyle was a huge, gigantic lie. It wasn't interesting or glamorous it was a cop out, a way of squandering my own potential without having to take responsibility for it. Anyway that might be a little dramatic but I hope you'll stick around here and also start to see that you're really not missing out on anything by choosing this path..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Coming back and checking in is what it's all about.
We've all been where you are, sick of the cycle, upset and frustrated. But I do hear in your post the requisite desire and hope that I needed to finally get sober. You're so right, this sober life is so much better. It takes work but you have it in you.
Welcome back. Stay around this time.
We've all been where you are, sick of the cycle, upset and frustrated. But I do hear in your post the requisite desire and hope that I needed to finally get sober. You're so right, this sober life is so much better. It takes work but you have it in you.
Welcome back. Stay around this time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
No need to be embarrassed, you are facing your demons and that's a good thing. Like you my mind was a big obstacle in my drinking. I went on some medication and it changed my life for the better. Not saying that's the answer for you, but something to consider.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Renvate, if you were experiencing extreme bouts of depression after two months of sobriety, it could be that your body needed a bit more time to adjust. Or, it could be that you might need to talk to your dr about treating your depression. I'm so glad you're back.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Renvate - I'm so glad you came back to talk things over here. We are your friends & we truly get you - never hesitate to share what you're going through. I commend you for taking action at a young age. I'd give anything to have done that - I lost 30 yrs. playing with moderation & trying to use willpower. It's good to have you with us - keep going - you will get free.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Renvate 
But oh well it's gotta be done.
Sr community, iam loosing hope here. Iam currently recovering from a week long binge. Running on 4 hours sleep and probably still a tiny bit drunk judging by the state of my mind.
What's the reason for this drinking again??
Who knows. All I know is it's happening and it's gotta stop.
Recently I have comprehended the complexity of alcoholism. It's really quite overwhelming. It occupies your thoughts and actions, activities, emotions, your sense of dress and style, your choices and your ambition for life.
Iam 27 and Ive seriously stunted my ability to live amongst everyone as a normal person only because drinking is on my mind. If not drinking then staying sober is on my mind 24/7.
I was sober for two months previously and the hardest thing was to keep my emotions on a even keel. I noticed that in my sobriety I would get extreme bouts of depression and my only medication was to go to sleep. Now that ism drinking I have noticed that the depression is replaced by aggression and anger and that obviously comes out when drinking.
What annoys me the most is being the alien amongst ppl when you say you don't drink, or if you mention your addiction.
Mannn.. back to square one.
If anyone is contemplating on drinking.
Just don't do it, hold onto the sober gift you have given yourself. I too will follow and be there soon again.
Sr community, iam loosing hope here. Iam currently recovering from a week long binge. Running on 4 hours sleep and probably still a tiny bit drunk judging by the state of my mind.
What's the reason for this drinking again??
Who knows. All I know is it's happening and it's gotta stop.
Recently I have comprehended the complexity of alcoholism. It's really quite overwhelming. It occupies your thoughts and actions, activities, emotions, your sense of dress and style, your choices and your ambition for life.
Iam 27 and Ive seriously stunted my ability to live amongst everyone as a normal person only because drinking is on my mind. If not drinking then staying sober is on my mind 24/7.
I was sober for two months previously and the hardest thing was to keep my emotions on a even keel. I noticed that in my sobriety I would get extreme bouts of depression and my only medication was to go to sleep. Now that ism drinking I have noticed that the depression is replaced by aggression and anger and that obviously comes out when drinking.
What annoys me the most is being the alien amongst ppl when you say you don't drink, or if you mention your addiction.
Mannn.. back to square one.
If anyone is contemplating on drinking.
Just don't do it, hold onto the sober gift you have given yourself. I too will follow and be there soon again.
Don't think of it as having failed. Think of it as a temporary setback and let the week binger remind you painfully why you needed to stop drinking in the first place.
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