PinnacleOR

Hi all, posting here after some time away...things aren't terrible but I continue to drink. Got prescribed Campral and managed 9 days of sobriety, but picked up again. Still taking the Campral and it's helped me cut down - I'll drink half of the stash I bring home and go to bed, then pour the rest out in the morning, so I guess that's progress.

I'll be 51 in a few weeks and, well, I feel stuck in another of life's eddys. Round and round, day after days, can't break free. It's 7:30 am here, and I just took the dog for a long walk, committed to posting here, and to a morning meditation. Like many, I feel "fine" in the morning, optimistic, then the batteries start to drain through the day, and by 4pm Im craving the drink again. Rinse and repeat....

I know the "witching hour" is coming every day, but I lose the presence of mind to mindfully confront it when it comes up. Go to a meeting. Call a friend. Post here and stay close. Meditate. Go for a walk. Eat and drink some water. All tools in the toolbox - but I don't open the toolbox at the moment I need to.

Yes, I really do want to stop. Really. Maybe I just don't have the willpower others have? I read a story about how our brains are all different, and some have more discipline and willpower than others.

What do you DO, to make sobriety number one in your life, day after day? What specific actions do you take? I am sure others on here have faced the same witching hour - what specifically did you do to get over the hump, day after day?

Cunning, baffling.

thomas11

When I first quit I made not drinking the most important thing in my life for awhile. Probably around 4 weeks. This meant doing anything except drinking, even if it meant going to bed and watch tv at 6-7PM. I'd watch documentaries online, read history, go to the gym etc...And yes, having a drink was on my mind A LOT, but I knew that I had to commit 100%. I had tried moderating and cutting back many times and it never worked, sometimes made it worse.

When I say the most important thing in your life, I mean like breathing air important. Seriously. Wishing you the best.

Coldfusion

I was not able to make sobriety a priority. That was too much like controlling my drinking. When sobriety became number one priority, I quit drinking.

Why did sobriety become a priority for me? Because I saw that drinking was destroying my life. I no longer saw it as a solution. Then, I took some solid actions--several days at detox followed by ninety AA meetings in ninety days.

PinnacleOR

This helps!

PinnacleOR

My last time in the hospital after a binge, the doctor said to me, "you know this will kill you if you keep it up." Yes, it will! How many times do I need to repeat and remind myself of this?! My AV is quick to forget.

fini

Yes, I really do want to stop. Really. Maybe I just don't have the willpower others have? I read a story about how our brains are all different, and some have more discipline and willpower than others.

yes, it is true some have more willpower than others.
I have a lot, for some areas. never worked for alcohol.
if you read a lot more on SR or other places, you will hear repeatedly that willpower isn't what it took for most of us to stay quit. for me, that meant immersing myself in sobriety reading for the first few weeks, chatting with folks on a forum, going to a weekly meeting, connecting with others, ...I got a bit obsessive about the sobriety thing.
later, I saw I needed to make other changes, clean house from the past, and took the 12 step route forward for that.

DreamCatcher17

To make sobriety a # 1 priority, I have to make myself a priority which means:
Self-care
Respect
Working out
Journaling
trying to be better than I was last week
Education
Self-awareness
Growth
Therapy

If I drink, I lose all the progress and the above plus so much more.

I love knowing that I remember everything I do and say.
I love waking up refreshed, most days... There are days I still want to sleep all day but as a mom, that is NOT an option.
Knowing the influence I have on other people, mostly my son is a motivator.

Realizing and accepting the fact that if I ever drink again kiss my beautiful life goodbye. - There is NOTHING or NOONE I will ever lose my sobriety over, not family, friends, a job, a boyfriend, a bad day at work, a good day at work, a sunny day, a cloudy day.
Knowing that I am a Kick A$$ human as I am (Sober) is also a motivator. I am untouchable - that is how I feel most days (not in the aspect of relapse, because im as susceptible as the next) But that no one can say anything bad or negative about me, no one talking about me behind my back about some stupid choice I made as I don't make poor decisions anymore (well, none that I don't remember).

Find what makes you tick, keep your hands busy, keep your mind busy, read here, re-read your posts, read the relapse stories, those always relapsing and then read the 1 year plus and figure out where you want to fall and do whatever it takes to never put a drink to your lips, one way to do that is to never buy it!

Blessings,
DC

August252015

I began with one decision. I didn't want to die. When I finally heard the doctor o gave me the talking tô of my life, that I had a year to eighteen months if I kept going...I was finally DONE.

I haven't looked back.

How do I do it?
First, total commitment to AA. Along with going cold turkey and dealing with extreme physical symptoms that I decided were worth the risk on compared to a certain death by drinking, I did the ninety in ninety people recommend.

I knew this was my last option for help so I sat and listened and did what people said, especially look for those who have what I wanted. I knew there had to be something better than what I had been living, even though it was terrifying to jump into the unknown.

I got my first sponsor and she instilled discipline I still do today. Every morning, no matter how early I have to get up before obligations start, in five recovery based tasks. My meeting attendance has changed with time (I am 2.5 years sober) but never gets below two and if that happens (like last wk) I self correct, so his week I will have five.

I have good drs with whom I am honest and we have me on good meds appropriate to my needs.

Recovery is the backdrop of my whole life. Drinking had to stop but it wasn't my problem. The real thing is learning s new way to live in recovery. This means in thinking, making decisions- everything from only spending time with people trying to live their own best lives, whether alcoholics or not. It means leading a recovery group for the restaurant industry where I work.

It means that my recovery comes first- before my husband, the love of my life. Before any job or parent or step child or....period. Why? Because the life I have created and had help to build and been blessed with in sobriety is the ONLY reason I have these people, things and opportunities.

I believe everything connects to my rcovery in some way. My physical health- am I taking care of it? My thoughts- are they mostly about me or about others first? When I screw up do I take responsibility and make things right? Is every choice I make taking me further in my rcovery journey or would it chip away at the strong foundation?

I could go on but that's the gist.

Recovery is what I do to live in the sunshine.

doggonecarl

I had a lot of failed quits before the last one took. What was the difference? I guess the easy answer was I really wanted it this time.

You say you really do want to stop. But do you want it so much that you will endure the discomfort of withdrawals? Want it enough to endure the cravings and insistent addictive voice that talks you into drinking?

I understand taking the "path of less resistance" when one struggles. And drinking is easier than quitting. But at some point, easy can't be an expectation...not with getting sober. That's what I had to do. I had to quit taking the easy out, had to quit giving in at the first sign of difficulty.

Are you in the habit of giving your word to someone? Do you keep your word? If you do, that trait is integrity. It takes a certain level of integrity to get sober. When you commit to quitting, you are in effect, giving your word to yourself that you are getting sober. A promise, a vow, even. And once promised, you have to do whatever it takes to support it. You said yourself, you know all the things you could do to keep from drinking, but you fail to do them.

To succeed, that has to stop. Period.

least

For me, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Not easy, but simple

Arpeggioh

Unfortunately, for me it had to get 'bad enough,' the emotional pain and the physical deterioration, to finally reach my limit. All of these replies resonate: finally wanting sobriety more than I wanted another drink, making 'not drinking' the only focus of the first few days, making a commitment to myself that I wasn't ready to die all bloated and yellow...but truly, for me, it had to get really bad, like unlivable bad. I don't know how bad things are in Oregon, nor do I know your capacity for suffering. Is it bad enough to be unbearable yet? I can promise you a better life if you quit drinking completely...I surely wish you the best, I waffled and suffered and tried and failed for years. I was 56 before I finally threw in the towel and quit fighting with alcohol.

Ringo123

Pinnacle, I can only echo most of the posts already made. My drinking may not have brought me as low as some, doesn't matter; but when my very livelihood and life as I knew it was threatened, it got my attention.

Thank goodness (and thank God) that someone had planted the AA seed years earlier, so I looked up a meeting. Been going ever since and that was October 1986.

Like someone earlier wrote, ya gotta be uncomfortable for awhile. I was okay with misery but not with discomfort so I got started on the Steps right away. Why not give AA a try; can't hurt. All one needs is an open mind.

Good luck and God bless you.

gettingsmarter

I had to come to the conclusion that drinking was no longer an option for me no matter what happened in life. It was not a choice available to me anymore. If I wanted to feel good I would have to do something worth feeling good about.

PinnacleOR

Thanks all, some really great posts here, I really appreciate it. I’m back home after work and made it past the store and home with no alcohol. Before I left work I gave myself some moments of reflection, how I felt then, what my body was really asking for and what my end game was. Stopped for some food (HALT) on the way home and now I’m relaxing and going to bed early.

August252015

Pinnacle. I named it he "send myself to bed early" technique and I still use it plenty!

aasharon90

When I incorporate a continuous program
of recovery taught to me some many one days
sober ago in all areas of my life. It then becomes
top priority and a gift that keeps on giving.

I have to work it in order to achieve it.

Gottalife

For my money, alcoholics have more willpower than the average Joe. Just try to stop one from drinking and you'll find out

I guess sobriety, and the work to acjhive it, became the number one priority for two reasons. The first I might call a first step experience, the unreserved realisation that I had a terminal progressive illness the symptoms of which were an abnormal bodily reaction to alcohol manifesting in loss of control when I drank, and an obsession of the mind that enevitably put the fatal first drink in my hand, the two together condemning me to a miserable end. Couple to this was the knowledge that there was no way out through human aid, and you have a pretty solid motivation to act.

Second was the total destruction around me. You may not be this far along, but having lost my job, my friends, my family, my self respect, in fact everything worthwhile in life, I didn't exactly have a lot of other priorities.

Yet it is so strange to say that I have seen others in my position suddenly find, when the work and discomfort of recovery starts to loom large, that they have something even more important to attend to, like a not to be missed TV show. Only an alcholic........

Nonsensical

How does one get better at anything?

Practice.

I wanted to get better at living my life without alcohol, so I practiced doing it.

I fell on my face.
Often.
But I never gave up on it.
And then one day, I had it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

PhoenixJ

The need for sobriety has to be stronger than the want of drinking.
Simple statement.
Some, like me did not really 'get it'. Oh yes my bro died of booze at 43, an uncle etcetc.
Booze left me clinically dead 3 times( burns), on dialysis and abandoned by family- then homeless- Salvos' recovery [program. Now 2.5y sober , safe housing etc.

Let my little horror story motivate you to stop by learning from others.

PinnacleOR

On Day 3, taking your advice to heart...thanks to you PhoenixJ, glad you made it through. I was scraped off the sidewalk severely hypothermic once and have spent at least a half dozen times in the hospital. Booze=death, sobriety=life (and living).