I can't control the PTSD reactions.
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I can't control the PTSD reactions.
I'm learning so much about myself, so many lightbulb moments, I'm making good progress and showing a lot of personal growth! My therapist is amazing, she really makes me think.
I'm making progress, so is my RAH. I have begun to trust him more, and we are starting marriage counceling on Thursday.
I guess I can't have it all. The PTSD is getting worse, and its really beginning to interfere with daily life.
I was at an appt with my RAH last week. When the door was opened and closed in the room next to us, it sounded like a beer can opening . Cue the shaking, fast breathing and crying. When my husband gets really tired, his speech sounds slightly slurred. Which freaks me out and I have to get away from him.
My senses seem to have superpowers now. People talking loudly and laughing catch my attention, that's what drunk people do. Listening to tv, I notice soda or beer cans opening. I sometimes think I can smell alcohol when its blatantly obvious there is none around.
Tomorrow night there is a work meeting at my bosses house. She and the five other girls I work with all drink. There will be snacks and alcoholic drinks provided at the meeting (I work at a very laid back, rural convience store)
Im I'm trying not to panic. I have to attend the meeting, and I don't share very personal things with my workmates. There is nothing that helps the attacks, once they start I have very little control. I have to get away. Nothing can make me stay, I HAVE to leave.
Anyway, does anyone know why this would be getting worse, when everything else is getting better? My therapist and I plan to explore it more. She has given me a new calming technique to try. All of my go-to calming tools that have worked in the past, have no effect on this. Nothing helps except getting away. This is becoming a real problem.
I'm making progress, so is my RAH. I have begun to trust him more, and we are starting marriage counceling on Thursday.
I guess I can't have it all. The PTSD is getting worse, and its really beginning to interfere with daily life.
I was at an appt with my RAH last week. When the door was opened and closed in the room next to us, it sounded like a beer can opening . Cue the shaking, fast breathing and crying. When my husband gets really tired, his speech sounds slightly slurred. Which freaks me out and I have to get away from him.
My senses seem to have superpowers now. People talking loudly and laughing catch my attention, that's what drunk people do. Listening to tv, I notice soda or beer cans opening. I sometimes think I can smell alcohol when its blatantly obvious there is none around.
Tomorrow night there is a work meeting at my bosses house. She and the five other girls I work with all drink. There will be snacks and alcoholic drinks provided at the meeting (I work at a very laid back, rural convience store)
Im I'm trying not to panic. I have to attend the meeting, and I don't share very personal things with my workmates. There is nothing that helps the attacks, once they start I have very little control. I have to get away. Nothing can make me stay, I HAVE to leave.
Anyway, does anyone know why this would be getting worse, when everything else is getting better? My therapist and I plan to explore it more. She has given me a new calming technique to try. All of my go-to calming tools that have worked in the past, have no effect on this. Nothing helps except getting away. This is becoming a real problem.
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Wamama…..I am just spitballing here....so, I am going to go out on a limb and wonder if the upcoming marriage counseling is not triggering some fears, in you....? It makes a lot of sense, to me, that it might....
Another thing you might do is ask if you might be started on a beta blocker (usually a blood pressure medication...but, can have other uses, also)….if your doctor agrees that it is o.k. for you to take. It calms down the sympathetic nervous system which is the one that initiates the "fight or flight" response....
Another thing you might do is ask if you might be started on a beta blocker (usually a blood pressure medication...but, can have other uses, also)….if your doctor agrees that it is o.k. for you to take. It calms down the sympathetic nervous system which is the one that initiates the "fight or flight" response....
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Hi Wamama,
Ironically, I started typing an answer and am instead having panic reactions simply talking about methods of dealing with c-ptsd and panic attacks.
I could laugh, or cry. I've done quite a bit of crying lately so maybe, hopefully, I'll simply laugh about this one.
Good luck tomorrow night.
Things are getting much better for me. There's just a lot of layers of pain to heal.
Ironically, I started typing an answer and am instead having panic reactions simply talking about methods of dealing with c-ptsd and panic attacks.
I could laugh, or cry. I've done quite a bit of crying lately so maybe, hopefully, I'll simply laugh about this one.
Good luck tomorrow night.
Things are getting much better for me. There's just a lot of layers of pain to heal.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,609
Originally Posted by Wamama48 
Anyway, does anyone know why this would be getting worse, when everything else is getting better? My therapist and I plan to explore it more. She has given me a new calming technique to try. All of my go-to calming tools that have worked in the past, have no effect on this. Nothing helps except getting away. This is becoming a real problem.
So it's not surprising at all that a month later you are where you are, in my opinion. The stress and PTSD are not under control yet, you have barely scratched the surface, so it keeps rolling along. Add to that a RAH, kids that are under stress and you working on yourself and day to day stressors.
I've been in a place with struggle and it takes a lot of time to work through, sometimes years. The great news is you have reached out for help and found someone that is helping you, that's huge.
You didn't get here overnight, this is years of abuse and years of suffering and stuffing your feelings and walking on eggshells etc, it will not go away overnight, or probably in a few months.
The great news is that your therapist can give you tools to help you cope with all of that as you get better.
You mention you have started to trust your RAH more - that's more, that's not solid trust. A month ago you two struggled to have any kind of discussion about anything. Maybe that has improved in the last few weeks but again, it will take a lot of time to unlearn patterns that have probably been set in place for years.
I guess what I'm saying here is that your situation is not ideal for the kind of healing you are doing so it might be a little harder than you anticipate or rather take longer than you would like. Right now you really only have yourself to rely on, on a day to day basis, so please keep focusing on yourself.
As for the meeting, you know how in the Alcholism threads someone will say, I have a meeting or event etc and I know there will be alcohol there and I will be strong but how can I deal with that, I have been sober for x number of weeks.
The advice by and large is don't go, you don't have to go, why are you testing yourself so early, your sobriety should be your main focus.
You don't have to go. There is no work that can't be discussed at work and there is absolutely no reason why you have to "test" yourself at something that will be so high stress for you, it's just not necessary. Later on this kind of thing might be a good test to see how far you have come with the tools the therapist has/will suggest being used in lower stress situations.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Oh Mango, I'm sorry about the panic reactions. Its a terrible feeling to have that wave wash over you. And yes, so many layers to heal. QUOTE=Mango212;7013855]Hi Wamama,
Ironically, I started typing an answer and am instead having panic reactions simply talking about methods of dealing with c-ptsd and panic attacks.
I could laugh, or cry. I've done quite a bit of crying lately so maybe, hopefully, I'll simply laugh about this one.
Good luck tomorrow night.
Things are getting much better for me. There's just a lot of layers of pain to heal.[/QUOTE]
Ironically, I started typing an answer and am instead having panic reactions simply talking about methods of dealing with c-ptsd and panic attacks.
I could laugh, or cry. I've done quite a bit of crying lately so maybe, hopefully, I'll simply laugh about this one.
Good luck tomorrow night.
Things are getting much better for me. There's just a lot of layers of pain to heal.[/QUOTE]
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
You are probably right Dandy. If we are going to marriage counceling, we will be bringing up sensitive issues. I feel vulnerable just thinking about that! The beta blocker might be worth checking into. Things can't continue this way.
Originally Posted by dandylion
Wamama…..I am just spitballing here....so, I am going to go out on a limb and wonder if the upcoming marriage counseling is not triggering some fears, in you....? It makes a lot of sense, to me, that it might....
Another thing you might do is ask if you might be started on a beta blocker (usually a blood pressure medication...but, can have other uses, also)….if your doctor agrees that it is o.k. for you to take. It calms down the sympathetic nervous system which is the one that initiates the "fight or flight" response....
Another thing you might do is ask if you might be started on a beta blocker (usually a blood pressure medication...but, can have other uses, also)….if your doctor agrees that it is o.k. for you to take. It calms down the sympathetic nervous system which is the one that initiates the "fight or flight" response....
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I feel like I've been dragged as far as I can be and still be alive. Sounds over-dramatic, but there's been so much emotional turmoil when he was actively drinking, and its still that way now that I'm working so hard on healing.
I feel like a car trying to run on fumes. I can't fill up the gas tank because the gas keeps getting siphoned right back out by the very hard emotional work. I'm just tired. I'm tired of working so hard, there's just not much left.
Its interesting that you said it could takes years to work through. My therapist said the exact same thing last week lol She also said the PTSD will probably always be a part of me, but it should get much better.
What you said here...You didn't get here overnight, this is years of abuse and years of suffering and stuffing your feelings and walking on eggshells etc, it will not go away overnight......I tend to downplay the almost two DECADES that has accumulated emotional damage. Its been almost nine months of hard work, that should be more than long enough. Lol. Patience has never been my virtue.
I've learned here on SR to not fight your feelings. Let them be, accept them. I do that with my feelings now.
Fighting them makes things worse! But in this case, I'm not accepting the PTSD. I'm fighting it. I don't want it, and when I get triggered, its a terrifying feeling. I don't like that feeling, and I don't want it to be any part of me. So that could also be a factor.
QUOTE=trailmix;7013873]A month ago you were talking about PTSD and you were also just getting in to therapy and your RAH was blaming you for everything under the sun and cutting back on AA.
So it's not surprising at all that a month later you are where you are, in my opinion. The stress and PTSD are not under control yet, you have barely scratched the surface, so it keeps rolling along. Add to that a RAH, kids that are under stress and you working on yourself and day to day stressors.
I've been in a place with struggle and it takes a lot of time to work through, sometimes years. The great news is you have reached out for help and found someone that is helping you, that's huge.
You didn't get here overnight, this is years of abuse and years of suffering and stuffing your feelings and walking on eggshells etc, it will not go away overnight, or probably in a few months.
The great news is that your therapist can give you tools to help you cope with all of that as you get better.
You mention you have started to trust your RAH more - that's more, that's not solid trust. A month ago you two struggled to have any kind of discussion about anything. Maybe that has improved in the last few weeks but again, it will take a lot of time to unlearn patterns that have probably been set in place for years.
I guess what I'm saying here is that your situation is not ideal for the kind of healing you are doing so it might be a little harder than you anticipate or rather take longer than you would like. Right now you really only have yourself to rely on, on a day to day basis, so please keep focusing on yourself.
As for the meeting, you know how in the Alcholism threads someone will say, I have a meeting or event etc and I know there will be alcohol there and I will be strong but how can I deal with that, I have been sober for x number of weeks.
The advice by and large is don't go, you don't have to go, why are you testing yourself so early, your sobriety should be your main focus.
You don't have to go. There is no work that can't be discussed at work and there is absolutely no reason why you have to "test" yourself at something that will be so high stress for you, it's just not necessary. Later on this kind of thing might be a good test to see how far you have come with the tools the therapist has/will suggest being used in lower stress situations.[/QUOTE]
I feel like a car trying to run on fumes. I can't fill up the gas tank because the gas keeps getting siphoned right back out by the very hard emotional work. I'm just tired. I'm tired of working so hard, there's just not much left.
Its interesting that you said it could takes years to work through. My therapist said the exact same thing last week lol She also said the PTSD will probably always be a part of me, but it should get much better.
What you said here...You didn't get here overnight, this is years of abuse and years of suffering and stuffing your feelings and walking on eggshells etc, it will not go away overnight......I tend to downplay the almost two DECADES that has accumulated emotional damage. Its been almost nine months of hard work, that should be more than long enough. Lol. Patience has never been my virtue.
I've learned here on SR to not fight your feelings. Let them be, accept them. I do that with my feelings now.
Fighting them makes things worse! But in this case, I'm not accepting the PTSD. I'm fighting it. I don't want it, and when I get triggered, its a terrifying feeling. I don't like that feeling, and I don't want it to be any part of me. So that could also be a factor.
QUOTE=trailmix;7013873]A month ago you were talking about PTSD and you were also just getting in to therapy and your RAH was blaming you for everything under the sun and cutting back on AA.
So it's not surprising at all that a month later you are where you are, in my opinion. The stress and PTSD are not under control yet, you have barely scratched the surface, so it keeps rolling along. Add to that a RAH, kids that are under stress and you working on yourself and day to day stressors.
I've been in a place with struggle and it takes a lot of time to work through, sometimes years. The great news is you have reached out for help and found someone that is helping you, that's huge.
You didn't get here overnight, this is years of abuse and years of suffering and stuffing your feelings and walking on eggshells etc, it will not go away overnight, or probably in a few months.
The great news is that your therapist can give you tools to help you cope with all of that as you get better.
You mention you have started to trust your RAH more - that's more, that's not solid trust. A month ago you two struggled to have any kind of discussion about anything. Maybe that has improved in the last few weeks but again, it will take a lot of time to unlearn patterns that have probably been set in place for years.
I guess what I'm saying here is that your situation is not ideal for the kind of healing you are doing so it might be a little harder than you anticipate or rather take longer than you would like. Right now you really only have yourself to rely on, on a day to day basis, so please keep focusing on yourself.
As for the meeting, you know how in the Alcholism threads someone will say, I have a meeting or event etc and I know there will be alcohol there and I will be strong but how can I deal with that, I have been sober for x number of weeks.
The advice by and large is don't go, you don't have to go, why are you testing yourself so early, your sobriety should be your main focus.
You don't have to go. There is no work that can't be discussed at work and there is absolutely no reason why you have to "test" yourself at something that will be so high stress for you, it's just not necessary. Later on this kind of thing might be a good test to see how far you have come with the tools the therapist has/will suggest being used in lower stress situations.[/QUOTE]
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Im so sorry you are having problems controlling the panic attacks. I will be praying for you to get through the after work meeting safely.
When my panic symptoms started it was after life had begun to settle down and things were going pretty good. But I think because a pattern had developed of up/down in relation to my husbands binging and everything. I was constantly off guard. When things settled those memories kept saying nope your not safe, more bad things are going to happen. It wasn't even focused on my husband as you know. I would panic going to Target or taking my son out.
I also went through a phase of exaggerating things in my mind so to speak. Awfulizing small things that were really nothing and building up the feelings of panic within myself. I sort of tracked it back in to what I can only call a relapse beginning in my thinking before it happened physically. Yes, sort of like a relapse to a substance would be. And it wasn't easy to identify or stop myself before I was on the cliff and symptoms were showing up.
You are peeling back the layers of pain not only from the experience with your husband but others as well correct? Its a lot to sort through ! My husband has more layers to go through than I do based on earlier life events he experienced.
When you look at your history and the chaos/trauma - how long have the stretches of smooth sailing been before you just knew intuitively that it wouldn't last long and another thing' would happen?
Could the healing and progress, stretches of smooth sailing be triggering you because it also feels unstable and not trust worthy?
things like the after work meeting, marriage counseling and the like are progress but they are also unknowns. In some ways, its still presenting hurdles/challenges/stress that call back to old experiences and keep your emotions on edge and stir up the memories. The brain takes time to rewire and find new pathways to handle triggers and stimulus. Be kind to yourself and know you ARE creating a new roadmap. It just takes time !
Im so happy you have a therapist who is helping you move through this. Here for you and inspired by how far you have come !
When my panic symptoms started it was after life had begun to settle down and things were going pretty good. But I think because a pattern had developed of up/down in relation to my husbands binging and everything. I was constantly off guard. When things settled those memories kept saying nope your not safe, more bad things are going to happen. It wasn't even focused on my husband as you know. I would panic going to Target or taking my son out.
I also went through a phase of exaggerating things in my mind so to speak. Awfulizing small things that were really nothing and building up the feelings of panic within myself. I sort of tracked it back in to what I can only call a relapse beginning in my thinking before it happened physically. Yes, sort of like a relapse to a substance would be. And it wasn't easy to identify or stop myself before I was on the cliff and symptoms were showing up.
You are peeling back the layers of pain not only from the experience with your husband but others as well correct? Its a lot to sort through ! My husband has more layers to go through than I do based on earlier life events he experienced.
When you look at your history and the chaos/trauma - how long have the stretches of smooth sailing been before you just knew intuitively that it wouldn't last long and another thing' would happen?
Could the healing and progress, stretches of smooth sailing be triggering you because it also feels unstable and not trust worthy?
things like the after work meeting, marriage counseling and the like are progress but they are also unknowns. In some ways, its still presenting hurdles/challenges/stress that call back to old experiences and keep your emotions on edge and stir up the memories. The brain takes time to rewire and find new pathways to handle triggers and stimulus. Be kind to yourself and know you ARE creating a new roadmap. It just takes time !
Im so happy you have a therapist who is helping you move through this. Here for you and inspired by how far you have come !
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I smelled alcohol for ages after I kicked out my XAH. It was typically around certain hand sanatizers, perfumes, etc. It was the last thing to go of the bad reactions I would say.
It just takes time, I hate to say that but it's true. Time, and techniques to calm yourself. Distraction. Also, is it possible that since you are saying this is happening and getting worse that you are making it worse? Sort of a self fulfilling prophesy type thing?? I am not saying that is what is happening, just wondering.
I send you big hugs as I truly feel for you. Maybe ask your counselor about EMDR counseling.
It just takes time, I hate to say that but it's true. Time, and techniques to calm yourself. Distraction. Also, is it possible that since you are saying this is happening and getting worse that you are making it worse? Sort of a self fulfilling prophesy type thing?? I am not saying that is what is happening, just wondering.
I send you big hugs as I truly feel for you. Maybe ask your counselor about EMDR counseling.
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I'm with trailmix here - it's not been so long that you should be "over" anything already, IMO.
This kind of decompression isn't any more logical than any other side of this process. Lord knows, if I knew exactly where the triggers were, I'd press them in succession just to proceed faster through this hellish maze some days. But it doesn't work that way & trying to force it, in my experience, only slows things further & adds to the frustration I feel.
For what it's worth, I have found that my reactions are more off balance the more "normal" things start to feel. Because that HASN'T been MY normal for a long time. So my body interprets it as different = stress. Even good stress is stress on the system. Fight/flight/freeze is one of our most intrinsic, basic, animalistic qualities. So I'm sensitive already due to the "new normal", then something triggers & compounds the feelings. When you've been living in it as a lifestyle, um, yeah, it takes some time to reset your grid.
Over these last couple of weeks it' s become extremely obvious to me that while I've been actively in the arena with ptsd-ish stuff related to my husband for several months (which took me off guard to begin with, I mean, I've been at this recovery thing for YEARS & this was my first spiral like this), I also can't deny that it's been compounded by the anniversary of the hurricane we got hit with last year. DD & I have talked about it, people around me everywhere are just as sensitive & reactive & my body started all kinds physical symptoms that have reached up & demanded attention. I've been the biggest wreck I've ever been since I started this journey 7+ years ago.
Give yourself some space to let this stuff work itself up & out - like it was already said, families & jobs & financial stress & all the other parts of life refuse to stop in order for us to just pay attention to ourselves & our needs the way we really NEED at times & that adds to our desire to just "want it done, now, give me the checklist of how-to because I have to get ON with the rest of this"..... sigh.
It goes in cycles for me - depending on what it's triggering & how deep that wound goes. I honor it - embrace it even, but I'm exhausted. This has been the longest year of my life & I really hope that I'll be able to look back someday soon & see exponential growth as well, that I'm just blind to right now.
This kind of decompression isn't any more logical than any other side of this process. Lord knows, if I knew exactly where the triggers were, I'd press them in succession just to proceed faster through this hellish maze some days. But it doesn't work that way & trying to force it, in my experience, only slows things further & adds to the frustration I feel.
For what it's worth, I have found that my reactions are more off balance the more "normal" things start to feel. Because that HASN'T been MY normal for a long time. So my body interprets it as different = stress. Even good stress is stress on the system. Fight/flight/freeze is one of our most intrinsic, basic, animalistic qualities. So I'm sensitive already due to the "new normal", then something triggers & compounds the feelings. When you've been living in it as a lifestyle, um, yeah, it takes some time to reset your grid.
Over these last couple of weeks it' s become extremely obvious to me that while I've been actively in the arena with ptsd-ish stuff related to my husband for several months (which took me off guard to begin with, I mean, I've been at this recovery thing for YEARS & this was my first spiral like this), I also can't deny that it's been compounded by the anniversary of the hurricane we got hit with last year. DD & I have talked about it, people around me everywhere are just as sensitive & reactive & my body started all kinds physical symptoms that have reached up & demanded attention. I've been the biggest wreck I've ever been since I started this journey 7+ years ago.
Give yourself some space to let this stuff work itself up & out - like it was already said, families & jobs & financial stress & all the other parts of life refuse to stop in order for us to just pay attention to ourselves & our needs the way we really NEED at times & that adds to our desire to just "want it done, now, give me the checklist of how-to because I have to get ON with the rest of this"..... sigh.
It goes in cycles for me - depending on what it's triggering & how deep that wound goes. I honor it - embrace it even, but I'm exhausted. This has been the longest year of my life & I really hope that I'll be able to look back someday soon & see exponential growth as well, that I'm just blind to right now.
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Originally Posted by Wamama48
Fighting them makes things worse! But in this case, I'm not accepting the PTSD. I'm fighting it. I don't want it, and when I get triggered, its a terrifying feeling. I don't like that feeling, and I don't want it to be any part of me. So that could also be a factor.
Fighting it is really adding fuel to the fire (during the panic attack) you are already in high adrenaline mode, fighting is adding to that.
And yes, I know, easier said than done, when you are fearful it's hard (very hard) to reassure yourself, but it can help.
I eventually worked my way out of it (alone), honestly I don't know if it was just time that eventually worked it all out for me or lots of time pondering it or what, at a guess I would say time.
I do think a major turning point was kind of surrendering to it, to me. To stop fighting, stop being angry at myself, to say, well if this is the way it's going to be then what the heck am I fighting it for lol. I remember thinking that, what was the point? There wasn't one and I have to say things got so much better after that.
Oh and yes, it can take years but - and this is a big BUT - once you turn that corner things will get better, as you go along you won't always be at this place of despair, you will have tools, it will actually be exciting as you test yourself and find things are not that hard anymore.
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If you say it will be exciting one day to test myself Ill believe you. I don't see how it's possible, but you are very knowledgeable in this area, so I have no reason to doubt you. I still don't see how it could ever happen though 😅
Originally Posted by trailmix
It might well be a factor. With panic attacks the general consensus is that you should just go with it, don't fight it, it's not going to kill you although it can feel like it. Accept it for what it is, kick your logical mind in to high gear. I am feeling this because ______, I will control my breathing_______, I am ok, I will be ok, this will pass and I will be fine.
Fighting it is really adding fuel to the fire (during the panic attack) you are already in high adrenaline mode, fighting is adding to that.
And yes, I know, easier said than done, when you are fearful it's hard (very hard) to reassure yourself, but it can help.
I eventually worked my way out of it (alone), honestly I don't know if it was just time that eventually worked it all out for me or lots of time pondering it or what, at a guess I would say time.
I do think a major turning point was kind of surrendering to it, to me. To stop fighting, stop being angry at myself, to say, well if this is the way it's going to be then what the heck am I fighting it for lol. I remember thinking that, what was the point? There wasn't one and I have to say things got so much better after that.
Oh and yes, it can take years but - and this is a big BUT - once you turn that corner things will get better, as you go along you won't always be at this place of despair, you will have tools, it will actually be exciting as you test yourself and find things are not that hard anymore.
Fighting it is really adding fuel to the fire (during the panic attack) you are already in high adrenaline mode, fighting is adding to that.
And yes, I know, easier said than done, when you are fearful it's hard (very hard) to reassure yourself, but it can help.
I eventually worked my way out of it (alone), honestly I don't know if it was just time that eventually worked it all out for me or lots of time pondering it or what, at a guess I would say time.
I do think a major turning point was kind of surrendering to it, to me. To stop fighting, stop being angry at myself, to say, well if this is the way it's going to be then what the heck am I fighting it for lol. I remember thinking that, what was the point? There wasn't one and I have to say things got so much better after that.
Oh and yes, it can take years but - and this is a big BUT - once you turn that corner things will get better, as you go along you won't always be at this place of despair, you will have tools, it will actually be exciting as you test yourself and find things are not that hard anymore.
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Regarding the reaction I get....I've had panic attacks all my life and what works is what you did, feeling it, reminding myself I'm fine, it will pass. I can even still drive doing that, I'm good at it. But this, I fight it because its a terrifying feeling, nothing I've ever felt before. So yes. I need to let go and let it do its thing. But its too scarey. So no lol
Originally Posted by trailmix
It might well be a factor. With panic attacks the general consensus is that you should just go with it, don't fight it, it's not going to kill you although it can feel like it. Accept it for what it is, kick your logical mind in to high gear. I am feeling this because ______, I will control my breathing_______, I am ok, I will be ok, this will pass and I will be fine.
Fighting it is really adding fuel to the fire (during the panic attack) you are already in high adrenaline mode, fighting is adding to that.
And yes, I know, easier said than done, when you are fearful it's hard (very hard) to reassure yourself, but it can help.
I eventually worked my way out of it (alone), honestly I don't know if it was just time that eventually worked it all out for me or lots of time pondering it or what, at a guess I would say time.
I do think a major turning point was kind of surrendering to it, to me. To stop fighting, stop being angry at myself, to say, well if this is the way it's going to be then what the heck am I fighting it for lol. I remember thinking that, what was the point? There wasn't one and I have to say things got so much better after that.
Oh and yes, it can take years but - and this is a big BUT - once you turn that corner things will get better, as you go along you won't always be at this place of despair, you will have tools, it will actually be exciting as you test yourself and find things are not that hard anymore.
Fighting it is really adding fuel to the fire (during the panic attack) you are already in high adrenaline mode, fighting is adding to that.
And yes, I know, easier said than done, when you are fearful it's hard (very hard) to reassure yourself, but it can help.
I eventually worked my way out of it (alone), honestly I don't know if it was just time that eventually worked it all out for me or lots of time pondering it or what, at a guess I would say time.
I do think a major turning point was kind of surrendering to it, to me. To stop fighting, stop being angry at myself, to say, well if this is the way it's going to be then what the heck am I fighting it for lol. I remember thinking that, what was the point? There wasn't one and I have to say things got so much better after that.
Oh and yes, it can take years but - and this is a big BUT - once you turn that corner things will get better, as you go along you won't always be at this place of despair, you will have tools, it will actually be exciting as you test yourself and find things are not that hard anymore.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Yes, that's it! Like you and a few others have experienced, things are settling down, so I'm on edge. I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things are normalizing, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm tensed up, waiting. How do I protect myself when the chaos begins again? Now that I know what the problem is, I can begin to work it out. Thanks! Happy dance 😍
Originally Posted by aliciagr
Im so sorry you are having problems controlling the panic attacks. I will be praying for you to get through the after work meeting safely.
When my panic symptoms started it was after life had begun to settle down and things were going pretty good. But I think because a pattern had developed of up/down in relation to my husbands binging and everything. I was constantly off guard. When things settled those memories kept saying nope your not safe, more bad things are going to happen. It wasn't even focused on my husband as you know. I would panic going to Target or taking my son out.
I also went through a phase of exaggerating things in my mind so to speak. Awfulizing small things that were really nothing and building up the feelings of panic within myself. I sort of tracked it back in to what I can only call a relapse beginning in my thinking before it happened physically. Yes, sort of like a relapse to a substance would be. And it wasn't easy to identify or stop myself before I was on the cliff and symptoms were showing up.
You are peeling back the layers of pain not only from the experience with your husband but others as well correct? Its a lot to sort through ! My husband has more layers to go through than I do based on earlier life events he experienced.
When you look at your history and the chaos/trauma - how long have the stretches of smooth sailing been before you just knew intuitively that it wouldn't last long and another thing' would happen?
Could the healing and progress, stretches of smooth sailing be triggering you because it also feels unstable and not trust worthy?
things like the after work meeting, marriage counseling and the like are progress but they are also unknowns. In some ways, its still presenting hurdles/challenges/stress that call back to old experiences and keep your emotions on edge and stir up the memories. The brain takes time to rewire and find new pathways to handle triggers and stimulus. Be kind to yourself and know you ARE creating a new roadmap. It just takes time !
Im so happy you have a therapist who is helping you move through this. Here for you and inspired by how far you have come !
When my panic symptoms started it was after life had begun to settle down and things were going pretty good. But I think because a pattern had developed of up/down in relation to my husbands binging and everything. I was constantly off guard. When things settled those memories kept saying nope your not safe, more bad things are going to happen. It wasn't even focused on my husband as you know. I would panic going to Target or taking my son out.
I also went through a phase of exaggerating things in my mind so to speak. Awfulizing small things that were really nothing and building up the feelings of panic within myself. I sort of tracked it back in to what I can only call a relapse beginning in my thinking before it happened physically. Yes, sort of like a relapse to a substance would be. And it wasn't easy to identify or stop myself before I was on the cliff and symptoms were showing up.
You are peeling back the layers of pain not only from the experience with your husband but others as well correct? Its a lot to sort through ! My husband has more layers to go through than I do based on earlier life events he experienced.
When you look at your history and the chaos/trauma - how long have the stretches of smooth sailing been before you just knew intuitively that it wouldn't last long and another thing' would happen?
Could the healing and progress, stretches of smooth sailing be triggering you because it also feels unstable and not trust worthy?
things like the after work meeting, marriage counseling and the like are progress but they are also unknowns. In some ways, its still presenting hurdles/challenges/stress that call back to old experiences and keep your emotions on edge and stir up the memories. The brain takes time to rewire and find new pathways to handle triggers and stimulus. Be kind to yourself and know you ARE creating a new roadmap. It just takes time !
Im so happy you have a therapist who is helping you move through this. Here for you and inspired by how far you have come !
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Originally Posted by trailmix
It might well be a factor. With panic attacks the general consensus is that you should just go with it, don't fight it, it's not going to kill you although it can feel like it. Accept it for what it is, kick your logical mind in to high gear. I am feeling this because ______, I will control my breathing_______, I am ok, I will be ok, this will pass and I will be fine.
A couple of other practical in-the-moment suggestions:
-get your head down low, lower than your heart - invert your body as much as possible. If you're familiar with "child's pose" or "downward dog" from yoga, that can be very useful (if you're in a setting where you can lie down on the floor for a few minutes - bathrooms can be useful!).
-take small sips of water, preferably cold water. Apparently the slow sipping (as opposed to gulping) sends the message to the nervous system - no danger here, I don't have to speed up to escape/fight, I can do things sloooowwwwly.
-bilateral stimulation - left right left right left right. You can do this by walking or by tapping yourself on opposite biceps or thighs.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by Sasha1972
This really is the best advice I ever got about how to deal with panic/trauma reactions. Thinking "oh !$@#!, here I go again. Oh well, this will be over shortly and I'll just ride it out". It takes practice to get into the habit of thinking this way, but it worked for me. Also understanding the physiology of panic and the sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system responses helped because I could sort of mentally step back and describe what was happening - okay, that shakiness is just the glucose being converted to glycogen for muscles, the nausea is digestive activity slowing down temporarily. etc. (This may only work for people who are basically nerds).
A couple of other practical in-the-moment suggestions:
-get your head down low, lower than your heart - invert your body as much as possible. If you're familiar with "child's pose" or "downward dog" from yoga, that can be very useful (if you're in a setting where you can lie down on the floor for a few minutes - bathrooms can be useful!).
-take small sips of water, preferably cold water. Apparently the slow sipping (as opposed to gulping) sends the message to the nervous system - no danger here, I don't have to speed up to escape/fight, I can do things sloooowwwwly.
-bilateral stimulation - left right left right left right. You can do this by walking or by tapping yourself on opposite biceps or thighs.
A couple of other practical in-the-moment suggestions:
-get your head down low, lower than your heart - invert your body as much as possible. If you're familiar with "child's pose" or "downward dog" from yoga, that can be very useful (if you're in a setting where you can lie down on the floor for a few minutes - bathrooms can be useful!).
-take small sips of water, preferably cold water. Apparently the slow sipping (as opposed to gulping) sends the message to the nervous system - no danger here, I don't have to speed up to escape/fight, I can do things sloooowwwwly.
-bilateral stimulation - left right left right left right. You can do this by walking or by tapping yourself on opposite biceps or thighs.
This really helped me in my early PTSD recovery. Tapping has lots of video on YT.
It's basically all of the things we suggest, plus a bit of accupressure. It works!
Acceptance (the set-up statement)
Redirect (talk about the cause of the feeling)
Be in the physical body (it's okay right now)
Involve left/right brain and left/right body and pressure points
Tapping: Emotional Freedom Technique
Try it.
It's easy and fast to do anytime the panic starts. Just takes a minute or two.It really did work for me. I still use it now and then. It's good for just general anxiety as well.
Jessica Ortner has a lot of in-depth videos that take you further. This one is the intro.
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I was working near the World Trade Center on 9/11. The first year, I jumped at anything that sounded remotely like a plane crashing into a building, which pretty much meant everything, since my apartment was right by one of the NYC airports. I pretty much had the attitude that I was going to have my panic attacks, and if anybody had a problem with that they could climb a tree. That helped so much, because I could spend energy healing myself rather than trying to stop my feelings.
However, five years later I was watching an action movie in a theater. The sounds of bending metal took me right back to that time, and I launched straight into a panic attack. I felt so stupid and embarrassed for having that reaction, even as I realized that if anybody else had gone through that, I would have said that it was a completely normal thing to do. So I had to relearn that lesson, and realize that it was OK to have to relearn that lesson (if that makes any sense at all.)
So yeah, it's going to take some time. Give yourself the space to go through your feelings. It's a hell of a lot easier to swim through water than dam it up.
However, five years later I was watching an action movie in a theater. The sounds of bending metal took me right back to that time, and I launched straight into a panic attack. I felt so stupid and embarrassed for having that reaction, even as I realized that if anybody else had gone through that, I would have said that it was a completely normal thing to do. So I had to relearn that lesson, and realize that it was OK to have to relearn that lesson (if that makes any sense at all.)
So yeah, it's going to take some time. Give yourself the space to go through your feelings. It's a hell of a lot easier to swim through water than dam it up.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Those are all things I haven't tried. Ill choose one to start with, probably sipping water because that's always available. Thanks for the idea.QUOTE=Sasha1972;7014440]This really is the best advice I ever got about how to deal with panic/trauma reactions. Thinking "oh !$@#!, here I go again. Oh well, this will be over shortly and I'll just ride it out". It takes practice to get into the habit of thinking this way, but it worked for me. Also understanding the physiology of panic and the sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system responses helped because I could sort of mentally step back and describe what was happening - okay, that shakiness is just the glucose being converted to glycogen for muscles, the nausea is digestive activity slowing down temporarily. etc. (This may only work for people who are basically nerds).
A couple of other practical in-the-moment suggestions:
-get your head down low, lower than your heart - invert your body as much as possible. If you're familiar with "child's pose" or "downward dog" from yoga, that can be very useful (if you're in a setting where you can lie down on the floor for a few minutes - bathrooms can be useful!).
-take small sips of water, preferably cold water. Apparently the slow sipping (as opposed to gulping) sends the message to the nervous system - no danger here, I don't have to speed up to escape/fight, I can do things sloooowwwwly.
-bilateral stimulation - left right left right left right. You can do this by walking or by tapping yourself on opposite biceps or thighs.[/QUOTE]
A couple of other practical in-the-moment suggestions:
-get your head down low, lower than your heart - invert your body as much as possible. If you're familiar with "child's pose" or "downward dog" from yoga, that can be very useful (if you're in a setting where you can lie down on the floor for a few minutes - bathrooms can be useful!).
-take small sips of water, preferably cold water. Apparently the slow sipping (as opposed to gulping) sends the message to the nervous system - no danger here, I don't have to speed up to escape/fight, I can do things sloooowwwwly.
-bilateral stimulation - left right left right left right. You can do this by walking or by tapping yourself on opposite biceps or thighs.[/QUOTE]
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EFT/Tapping are surprisingly helpful - DD learned tapping in 3rd grade to help with test stress. It's THAT easy. I recently searched out some new tapping scripts for myself for a lot of the IC work I've been tackling. I'm writing my own scripts as soon as I am "ready" for reprogramming some basic core beliefs that I'm ready to move past - I'm getting there.
Even just crossing your arms & legs can initiate bilateral stimulation - I only just learned about this recently & it was yet another reason why yoga is so beneficial - so many poses include crossovers like this.
https://www.lifehack.org/331914/how-...nge-your-brain
We also know that the brain is divided into two hemispheres — the right brain and the left brain. The right brain is associated with emotion and creativity and governs the left side of the body. The left brain focuses more on logic and details and controls the right side of the body. Down the center runs the mid line of the central nervous system, or CNS.
”Research has found that when you move your extremities across this mid line, the opposite-sided brain will start to help regulate its movement, meaning both brain hemispheres are now activated and functioning simultaneously,” says Seth M., who wrote on the subject for ExpandedConsciousness.com.
The ambidexterity achieved while crossing your arms and legs can cause your brain to function optimally. It can dramatically reduce stress and help you to learn and cognate more clearly because it synchronizes both hemispheres of the brain and both sides of the body simultaneously.
Even just crossing your arms & legs can initiate bilateral stimulation - I only just learned about this recently & it was yet another reason why yoga is so beneficial - so many poses include crossovers like this.
https://www.lifehack.org/331914/how-...nge-your-brain
We also know that the brain is divided into two hemispheres — the right brain and the left brain. The right brain is associated with emotion and creativity and governs the left side of the body. The left brain focuses more on logic and details and controls the right side of the body. Down the center runs the mid line of the central nervous system, or CNS.
”Research has found that when you move your extremities across this mid line, the opposite-sided brain will start to help regulate its movement, meaning both brain hemispheres are now activated and functioning simultaneously,” says Seth M., who wrote on the subject for ExpandedConsciousness.com.
The ambidexterity achieved while crossing your arms and legs can cause your brain to function optimally. It can dramatically reduce stress and help you to learn and cognate more clearly because it synchronizes both hemispheres of the brain and both sides of the body simultaneously.
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