Gabe1980

I've made an appointment to see my GP tomorrow and I'm going to ask to go back on Antabuse. It's been eight years since I've taken it and it seems like the only way to create any order in this chaos.
I just can't get on top of things and I can't get out of this relapse cycle. I'm exhausted and really stressed/anxious all the time.

I want my life back! Even if it means the meds. I thought that it was taking the easier way and that I needed to learn how to live sober but at the moment I'm not coping well with any of it or achieving anything. I'm just done.

SoberRecovery22

Mental illness is not some sort of made up thing. Managing mental illness on top of alcoholism is not easy and without medication it's not for everyone.

I've been trying for years because I was brought up to believe it was weakness. I'm in my early 30s and for the first time I decided it's a good idea. It's 2018, the stigma has faded. Medication can help, no shame

FreeOwl

Whatever it takes!!

Arpeggioh

Even if you have to rely on Antabuse, you will learn to live sober. I see no weakness in that decision; it simply removes the option to drink alcohol. You deserve some respite from exhaustion and stress, and I know how mentally devastating relapses can be. Wishing you some peace...

Gabe1980

Thank you folks. I just can't carry on doing this to myself. I didn't realise really how badly my mental health had deteriorated until this week. Just obsessively overthinking but being completely stuck at the same time. I feel like I just have a long list of things that I am failing at every day.

I hate myself just now and it's hard to work my way back to some place where I feel any kind of peace. I appreacite the support.

DarklingSong

((((Gabe))))
Sorry to hear that you are suffering. I hope your GP can give you some help. I have been struggling too. Made it to 40 days and relapsed. Its just hellish every time. You can pull out of it. Stay close to SR. Let us know how you get on with the doctor. Lots of people care about you here.

Michael2018

If Antabuse helped you before, it seems really sensible to let it help you again.

But also, please, keep talking to us here

Delilah1

I'm so glad you are here and posting today. You are willing to do whatever it takes, and that's what's going to help you stay sober.

You've got this!!!

❤️Delilah

CaptainHaddock

Gabe, all I can say is that 3.5 month’s ago I was exactly where you seem to be now.

I was waking up in the middle of the night saying “help me!” out loud. Almost always hungover, anxious and depressed. Constant feelings of impending doom.

Like for you, this is not my first time getting sober, but I don’t know where I would have been if I hadn’t made that decision a while back. I think to myself, next time there might be no coming back.

Thank goodness (and much gratitude) that I found it in me to keep trying. As long as you can do that, which you are clearly doing, there is real hope.

Stay close and safe!

Kaytea

I’m on it too. It takes Away some of my
Anxiety about wondering whether or not I’m going to drink because I know I can’t. Three weeks today. I think I might stay on it through he holidays though.

D122y

Gabe,

Booze had me in a hellish spin cycle as well.

I obsessed like a madman for well over a year...probably close to 3 years.

It takes a long time to get well. That is why folks relapse.

Plus, as I feel well, my go to move is...drink.

Crazy addiction.

Addict for life.

Thanks.

Dee74

Thinking of you Gabe
I hope your Dr can suggest some help.

D

Gottalife

Simple but not easy, as they say. Gabe, my experience was that I took antabuse as a part of my going to any lengths. It is not mind altering or addictive, it just makes you very sick if you drink and hopefully delays the fatal first drink for sufficient time to get past whatever the issus is.

It is not a solution in itself. When I decided to drink again, I stopped the antabuse and waited a perid of time, and then it was off to the races.

The time I used it succesfully, I took it until I felt I had recovered, as in the obsession to drink had gone. At the same time I dove head long into the steps, and somewhere in steps nine it hit me, I was free of the obsession. No further need for the antabuse. I don't know really how much it helped me, but I am fairly sure it didn't do me any harm.

The time I took it was as long as it took to have that life changing experience, which seemed related to my progress in the steps. I got to step nine in three months, some do it quicker, some slower, some never get there.

While I was working the program, the thought never came to knock off the antabuse with a view to drinking, and as I have continued in the program, the idea of drinking has stayed away.

Fearlessat50

Hi Gabe, my thoughts are with you. Part of what is making the anxiety and whatever other mental issues worse is the alcohol. I know you know it’s a depressant and affects brain chemistry. At the same time, the mental health issues probably existed on their own before the alcohol and that’s what drove you to alcohol because it does provide temporary relief. I get it. I have anxiety too. I also have OCD and depression. The alcohol just made everything worse. I couldn’t get out of the relapse cycle without medication. I now take a lot of different natural supplements that were recommended by a naturopath and my physician supports, and i will take these for a life time. But I did need the prescription stuff in the beginning. I don’t have experience with Antabuse but for so,e people I hear, that is the answer. If it worked for you I. The past, why not do it again if your doctor supports it. There is no shame in this. We are all unique and have to find what works for us individually. If you do get back on Antabuse or whatever, I hope you make it part of a program where you are coming here too and seeking additional support as needed. I’m curious if you have done any 12 steps work? I have been doing the program on my own and finding this to be helping me. I’ve been sober over a year and half but my emotional sobriety journey is really just beginning and the 12 steps is definitely part of it. Hugs!

Delilah1

How are you doing tonight Gabe? Were you able to talk to your doctor?

Gabe1980

Thank you so much everyone. All your posts have really helped me today and I appreciate it.

I went to my GP this morning and she was amazing. I explained where I was and how I feel I have got to this point. I hadn't really acknowledged to myself how much I have been struggling to cope and how long I have been like this. It feels quite overwhelming.

She was happy to prescibe antabuse and also increased my dose of citalapram, to help get on top of my anxiety. I'm really hoping this will help me get my focus back. I've been in such a state I haven't really been able to work on anything properly. Just immobilised and exhausted.

I have just started the steps and completed step one, with my sponsor. I've been to a few meetings too but hadn't been this week, so I plan to go to the next one on Saturday. I'm hoping this will give me some space to put these other things in place. I've been so overcome with worrying and obsessing about drinking that I feel like that is all there is. It feels like my whole life experience just now and I'm miserable.

Finding my hope again. Rachel xxx

decchemist

I used to think that 'drink is all there is', too, Rach.

I used to think, if I won the lottery (which is unlikely since I don't play it anymore) then it would be so brilliant because I would not have a care in the world and I could afford to be drunk all the time! Fantastic!

Er, no! Flaw in the thinking there. What a waste of time and money that would be spending my life like that. I think differently now.

Delilah1

Sounds like a great start!! Saw you on the 24 hour thread today too, it's nice to have you back!!!
❤️

Dee74

You can do this Gabe

D

bradly22

Antabuse saved my life.