Relapsed.. Need encouragement
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 121
Relapsed.. Need encouragement
Hi all,
I had 4 months sober, and bought a bottle of wine to drink on my way home. Drank it all. My partner could see I was drunk. I hate myself.
I know I need to readdress my plan, what I will do differently. I know that will come: Please, right now I need people to tell me I CAN DO THIS. I want to do this. Please send me love and strength.
I had 4 months sober, and bought a bottle of wine to drink on my way home. Drank it all. My partner could see I was drunk. I hate myself.
I know I need to readdress my plan, what I will do differently. I know that will come: Please, right now I need people to tell me I CAN DO THIS. I want to do this. Please send me love and strength.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome back Sophie 
you can absolutely do this - may need to look at your plan and accept you need to do a little more though?
why not join the Class of September support thread too?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-9.html
D
you can absolutely do this - may need to look at your plan and accept you need to do a little more though?
why not join the Class of September support thread too?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-9.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 121
Thank you Dee, Least.
I know I can do this... Just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Thank you for listening, but I need to 'sound off'. The 21st Sept is the three year anniversary of my mom's suicide.
I know that's not a reason to drink. She wouldn't want that.
But I used (use) drinking as a way to erase what she did. It took me to the 'now' and also allowed me to erase the history.
That's a tempting combination. I've done my Cost Benefit Anysis, and know why I do it. Still, I hate myself for being weak.
Please just send me love and strength. I know I can do this. I just need to feel that there are others out there who have walked the sane road, and succeeded
I know I can do this... Just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Thank you for listening, but I need to 'sound off'. The 21st Sept is the three year anniversary of my mom's suicide.
I know that's not a reason to drink. She wouldn't want that.
But I used (use) drinking as a way to erase what she did. It took me to the 'now' and also allowed me to erase the history.
That's a tempting combination. I've done my Cost Benefit Anysis, and know why I do it. Still, I hate myself for being weak.
Please just send me love and strength. I know I can do this. I just need to feel that there are others out there who have walked the sane road, and succeeded
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I'm sorry for your loss Sophie. But I also know that new choices, new traditions, and new behaviours have to start somewhere.
Maybe this year doing that anniversary sober could be the start of you dealing with unresolved stuff and finding a little peace?
D
Maybe this year doing that anniversary sober could be the start of you dealing with unresolved stuff and finding a little peace?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Don't continue to hate yourself for thinking you're weak. It sounds silly but if you think something negative about yourself follow it up with "no I'm not", "that's not true". Those thoughts are cancer and some of us can't simply stop thinking about them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
We humans can do amazing things when we put our minds to it.
For a successful recovery- I needed a plan, meetings, SR, professional support and complete honesty to myself.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Together we are strong.
Keep posting-perhaps join the Class of September 2018??
Support to you.
For a successful recovery- I needed a plan, meetings, SR, professional support and complete honesty to myself.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Together we are strong.
Keep posting-perhaps join the Class of September 2018??
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 31
Hey Sophie.
Sorry to hear this. You are not alone. I relapsed after quite a few years sober.
I know quite a few people who have done the same, then gotten back into recovery and made it work again, perhaps even stronger than it was before. I take great hope from that.
Sorry to hear this. You are not alone. I relapsed after quite a few years sober.
I know quite a few people who have done the same, then gotten back into recovery and made it work again, perhaps even stronger than it was before. I take great hope from that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 135
Hey Sophie. Many of us have been where you are. I'm just coming off a two-year relapse (I know how to relapse like a champion!).
How are you today? Good or bad, keep close. One of the many stupid things I do is to stay away from the people who can help me most when I need them most. I never quite worked out whether that was from embarrassment or because I always planned to seek their help 'soon'.
How are you today? Good or bad, keep close. One of the many stupid things I do is to stay away from the people who can help me most when I need them most. I never quite worked out whether that was from embarrassment or because I always planned to seek their help 'soon'.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
What a tragedy. Suicide is it’s own special loss, one which I understand too well.
It took me years but my terrible day - May 14 - is now a day of reflection on how I’ve moved on. It sounds weird but it’s like I was passed a very heavy baton on that day and every day after, I’ve gotten stronger from carrying it and I can be good to myself and those who I care about by not succumbing to the heaviness. And with time it gets lighter. One day at a time, adds up.
You did four months. You can resume. The class here is a very good suggestion. (Suggested above). It worked for me and many others here. Is that something you’d consider?
It took me years but my terrible day - May 14 - is now a day of reflection on how I’ve moved on. It sounds weird but it’s like I was passed a very heavy baton on that day and every day after, I’ve gotten stronger from carrying it and I can be good to myself and those who I care about by not succumbing to the heaviness. And with time it gets lighter. One day at a time, adds up.
You did four months. You can resume. The class here is a very good suggestion. (Suggested above). It worked for me and many others here. Is that something you’d consider?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Sophie11 
Hi all,
I had 4 months sober, and bought a bottle of wine to drink on my way home. Drank it all. My partner could see I was drunk. I hate myself.
I know I need to readdress my plan, what I will do differently. I know that will come: Please, right now I need people to tell me I CAN DO THIS. I want to do this. Please send me love and strength.
I had 4 months sober, and bought a bottle of wine to drink on my way home. Drank it all. My partner could see I was drunk. I hate myself.
I know I need to readdress my plan, what I will do differently. I know that will come: Please, right now I need people to tell me I CAN DO THIS. I want to do this. Please send me love and strength.
THIS..... one thing that helped me was to redefine THIS.
For a long time, THIS = "quit drinking" and "I HAVE TO STOP" and "THIS IS THE LAST TIME"
Then one day, I changed the definition of THIS....
Then, THIS = "Live fully, embrace sobriety, be present, be the best person I can be".
When I made that shift it was much easier to stay on track. I found role models that aligned to that THIS..... I painted an image in my mind about a life in that THIS.... I re-centered myself in THAT THIS every day and I took daily actions to support that choice (I CHOOSE SOBRIETY) that reinforced THIS.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hey, Sophie. You can definitely do this. Use your 4 months of sobriety as a learning experience and think of ways to make your sober plan better. Joining the Class of September is a great idea, and please stick around here for advice and support.
You've got this--I was about as bad as one could be--when I left rehab 2 years and 9 months ago my counselor said he had never seen anyone as close to death as I was when I entered, but I gave my all to recovery and have not had a drink since. My life is not perfect but it is good, and that's enough.
Sending you much love and strength.
You've got this--I was about as bad as one could be--when I left rehab 2 years and 9 months ago my counselor said he had never seen anyone as close to death as I was when I entered, but I gave my all to recovery and have not had a drink since. My life is not perfect but it is good, and that's enough.
Sending you much love and strength.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Sophie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. You are not weak at all. And, yes, you can definitely do this. You had 4 months of sobriety and you can do it again and then, beyond.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 386
Sophie11 - 4 months is AWESOME!! i am sober around same time right now...Sorry to hear all the things that happened. Try to let go things, sometimes they are not in your control, drinking over that or any reason is not going to help. It sounds so simple but I have learnt that very hard way. Pick up your self and be easy on yourself. Trust me, if I can do you can definitely do or You can do even better. Stay strong, Stay committed and don't budge to that dark voice. You are much more stronger than you think....
Good luck...
Good luck...
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