Had 10 years now back to basics.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1
Had 10 years now back to basics.
Got sober in 2000 and lasted 10 years. Felt I could me ‘normal’ what a mess! 2010 onwards started ‘normal’ drinking and now at 2018 I’ve lost control and back almost to where I started.
Currently controlling home life by pretending all is normal. Hubby is quiet and withdrawn. (He has his own issues) Social life is dead as he doesn’t want to go out with ‘us’. Feeling so low. Used to live in USA where A.A. was easy to access and great support with good sponsors and no judgement. Been in UK for a number of years and so different. Tried a few meetings and found them very negative and self blaming. Not sure where to turn now.
Currently controlling home life by pretending all is normal. Hubby is quiet and withdrawn. (He has his own issues) Social life is dead as he doesn’t want to go out with ‘us’. Feeling so low. Used to live in USA where A.A. was easy to access and great support with good sponsors and no judgement. Been in UK for a number of years and so different. Tried a few meetings and found them very negative and self blaming. Not sure where to turn now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
Welcome back 
Take some time and you'll figure out a new set of tools and strategies and eventually friends to fit your UK sobriety.
I've done "sober" in the US, Ireland and France: lots of adjustments needed for the Irish/English drinking cultures. It's totally doable, you just need to prepare a little differently and accept being a little less mainstream.
Take some time and you'll figure out a new set of tools and strategies and eventually friends to fit your UK sobriety.
I've done "sober" in the US, Ireland and France: lots of adjustments needed for the Irish/English drinking cultures. It's totally doable, you just need to prepare a little differently and accept being a little less mainstream.
I hope the support you find here, and in real life, can help you get sober again for good. 12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I have gained the impression that UK AA can be a bit odd too, but then again I meet quite a few of its products where I am now and they seem to be lovely folks with a great message. There is sometimes a tendency here to tar the whole fellowship based on the behaviour of a few unwell individuals, and in a similar vein, there is a risk in tarring all individuals with the apparent unappealing nature of the UK fellowship. That would be a mistake.
What you need to recover is a Big Book, a sponsor to help you with the steps, and a newcomer to carry the message to.
That means you need to find one individual who can speak to you in a way you understand, which shouldn't be too hard. The Big Book, you can find anywhere, and your newcomer can be found at any meeting and it will be up to you to show them what is in the book. You don't need the permission of a group to do that. I have heard over the years a few folks unhappy with how AA is, and the way to change it is through sponsorship, one alcholic at a time.
A second factor comes to mind that might call for you to do a really thorough assessment of what is really driving your feelings about UK AA. I saw a friend of mine, 10 years sober go through a similar thing. He was only drinking for a few days when he called for help. We all thought his previous AA experience would help him, but something had happened. His whole outlook, knowledge and view of AA had changed. He was a real nice guy, very popular, very regular in his meeting attendance, was secretary of our group for years, yet somehow, all that had gone, and he no longer saw any attraction in AA. From someone who had stayed sober for ten years and made many friends, he became someone who couldn't see it, didn't want it, and he never made it back.
What you need to recover is a Big Book, a sponsor to help you with the steps, and a newcomer to carry the message to.
That means you need to find one individual who can speak to you in a way you understand, which shouldn't be too hard. The Big Book, you can find anywhere, and your newcomer can be found at any meeting and it will be up to you to show them what is in the book. You don't need the permission of a group to do that. I have heard over the years a few folks unhappy with how AA is, and the way to change it is through sponsorship, one alcholic at a time.
A second factor comes to mind that might call for you to do a really thorough assessment of what is really driving your feelings about UK AA. I saw a friend of mine, 10 years sober go through a similar thing. He was only drinking for a few days when he called for help. We all thought his previous AA experience would help him, but something had happened. His whole outlook, knowledge and view of AA had changed. He was a real nice guy, very popular, very regular in his meeting attendance, was secretary of our group for years, yet somehow, all that had gone, and he no longer saw any attraction in AA. From someone who had stayed sober for ten years and made many friends, he became someone who couldn't see it, didn't want it, and he never made it back.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
As they joke in the rooms, all you need to start a meeting is a resentment and a coffee pot. If your local meetings are not quite what you need, get a like minded sponsor and consider starting an "American style" AA meeting.
No telling how many lives you might change with a little bit of effort... not to mention your own.
No telling how many lives you might change with a little bit of effort... not to mention your own.
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