Chung

I have no desire to get out of bed today. Day 5 and I feel so depressed and hopeless thinking back to what I put my kids through due to my alcoholism. They witnessed domestic violence between their step-dad and I and arguments when we were drinking. I would provoke the arguments and then it would escalate from there. We are still together, he does not have a drinking problem. I don't want to drink, but I can't overcome my shame and feel the absolute worst person.

ScottFromWI

Sorry you aren’t feeling well today Chung. You can’t change what’s been done, but you can change what you do today. You have already chosen to quit drinking and made it 5 days, that is an accomplishment in itself. In the long run, every day you stay sober and everything positive you do shows others what kind of person you aspire to be. Sitting in bed all day feeling self pity will not help you get where you want to go, go be the person you want to be and show the world.

entropy1964

Day 5 is great! You'll have to make a choice to focus on staying abstinent and creating a plan to keep you there. It is totally normal to feel like crap. But there is lots of sober time to work through the past.

I have been where you are. I know that guilt. But wallowing in it and feeling sorry for myself did nothing to help me stay sober. If anything it just kept me tethered to unhealthy thinking.

You are early days. You aren't drinking. That in itself is reason to get out of bed and take a walk with the kids. Or make breakfast. Anything but sit around and stay locked up in your own thoughts. Trust me. Move. You'll feel better.

Ladysadie

Get yourself up, wash your face and brush your teeth. Make a cup of tea. Go outside and breathe, look to the east for guidance and gratitude that you made it today. You have done well to get to day 5. Tell yourself today your children can be proud of you. Kiss on them, spend time with them. God gave you this day for you to enjoy. Get up and get crackin'!

Sending you positive thoughts. You can do this.

apollo986

You're well underway-Stay the course!

It does get better(141 days sober).

Meraviglioso

I agree completely with Ladysadie here, get up and out it will do you a world of good. I also felt as though I had neglected my children and it was painfully crippling at times. But the best way to make myself feel better was and is to make myself shop up each day and do something active and positive to better myself and my situation. Some days all I can manage is taking out the garbage and that's ok. But the more I do the better I feel and I assure you that if you get up and out of bed and do something, anything positive today you will feel better.

Some ideas:

-Self care like showering, taking a relaxing bath, doing an at home facial mask, taking your vitamins, eating a healthy meal, blow drying your hair and putting on make up, reading a recovery based book, getting some exercise
-Clean your house
-pay some bills
-spend quality time with your kids
-make a healthy meal for your family
-take care of a home project you have been meaning to do
-write some letters to friends and get to the post office to mail them
-work on something that needs it legal issues/job search/school stuff for the kids/finances
-take out the garbage
-stretch
-change the sheets on your bed
-buy and install a new shower curtain

Horn95

Guilt and shame are VERY common in early recovery. I deal with it all the time. Have you thought of trying AA?

AmbyMarie

I have felt the guilt as well, but keep your head up and channel it to grow and evolve. I’m coming up 4 months sober and do not have a desire to drink again, it was ruining my life. I like to think of it as a learning experience and I’m glad to have quit at 35, and to have the rest of my life to be sober and set a good example for my kids who are 5&7. It’s upwards and onwards from here. It’s easy to fall into guilt in the first few days, weeks, months; but stay strong and be proud for taking your life back. You can do this!

soberista

This ^^^^^^

(8 months sober)

Buckley3

Hey there. Sorry you are feeling bad today. That said, it's not uncommon or unnatural to feel that way so at least know you aren't alone.

Sometimes it's ok - especially in the early days - to just take a 'me' day. Rest, chill out, and take it easy. Just don't drink. Try to find something to distract yourself with so you don't torment yourself with a lot of negative self talk. Ice cream, good movies, etc..

Doesn't matter what you've done in your past right now. You are doing the single most important thing to start making amends anyway - getting sober. Stay focused on that. Further steps can be taken but they can wait.

You also have to put yourself and your own care at the center of this right now. Despite how you may feel you deserve it. You have to start learning some self-compassion and self-dignity if you are ever going to be constructive in doing other things. And you deserve that.

We do not have to be defined by our past. It's cliche, but true. Who you are and who you become depend on the decisions you make right now. Keep it simple right now and just don't drink. Then proceed slowly as you have the energy. One thing here, one thing there, rest, rinse and repeat. After a bit of time you'll surprise yourself at just what a difference you can make.

Best to you-

B

Chung

Thank you all so much for your positive and encouraging words. SR right now has been my much needed support. 6 days today and things are slowly turning around already. I don't think it is a coincidence.

Buckley3

It isn't a coincidence. Being sober really is a good thing, and if you stick with it it's far less likely that the good things you do for yourself won't get ripped out underneath.

I still occasionally catch myself wondering when things will make a turn for the worse... and then realize 'o yea, I'm not going to get obliterated out of my mind tonight and undo any progress I've made.'

It's a great feeling.

Take your time with this. Be good to yourself. Take each day and trust how you feel. If all you feel up to is just not drinking then just do that. Little by little you'll find the energy to deal with other things. Don't rush it.

Be good to yourself. You deserve it.

B

Dee74

Keep moving forward Chung - great stuff!
D