alwayscovering

AH has been home all day. I’m sure he’s wasted it’s day 12 and that’s his limit. He can’t make it past 12 days. We’re sitting out here in in the rain watching my stepson play. He’s starting -it’s an important game and AH isn’t here. Can’t do anything about that.

My MIL and SIL are mad at me because they asked where he is and I said IDK (I don’t) they asked if I’ve heard from him I said no (I haven’t) I just shrugged. Now I’m a horrible person because I’m not worried enough. What if he was in an accident? What if he’s just being the selfish alcoholic that he is safe at home?

What am I supposed to do? Leave the game and drive home to find that he’s passed out drunk? I’m listed in his phone and at th hospital as an emergency contact. I’m trying to be there for his kid and have a good time.

I’m just venting.

suki44883

I'm sorry. I understand. But, it sounds like you are doing great. You have learned what to expect and not expect. They haven't. They don't understand because they haven't lived your life with him.

It may sound harsh, but I have always been of the mind that worry is wasted emotion. It doesn't help anything and it doesn't change anything. You seem to know that, too.

Maudcat

If they are that worried, they can call or text him.
Sounds a bit like they seek a bat to hit you with.
Good for you. Don’t let them get you down.

alwayscovering

He finally texted apparently he’s torn his engine apart. Probably for no reason. I have no idea how he expects to get to work because there is no money to fix it right now. It’s been running fine so I have no idea why he did this other than he’s wasted.

They won’t confront him. He’s not a nice person (I know y’all know what I mean) so they want me to do it and I’m not going to do it.

Maudcat

Again, good for you.
Don’t do it.
Peace and good thoughts.

BoxinRotz

He's torn his engine apart. Lol Maybe it was knocking like the booze does.

alwayscovering

Probably was. He put it back together by the time I got home and had thankfully passed out. We went to bed and would’ve left without him this morning if he hadn’t gotten his @ss up and got ready. I just don’t feel the need to wait around on him.

totfit

Guess an appropriate response would be, "I am his wife, not his mother". I at first thought of this tongue in cheek, but really? Are they expecting you to be his mother also? Guess they do not understand that your response is actually healthy and that this is just "much the same" for you.

alwayscovering

No his family is odd. They all try to control each other. So I guess they expect me to control him? Idk.

BoxinRotz

Alwayscovering, I was so glad when my alcoholic soon to be ex MIL decided that she would disown me. All it took was for me to tell her, "Keep giving him booze n filling his glass up and he'll be the next one laid out at the funeral home!" Her own daughter had just lost her husband due to a motorcycle accident because he was drinking and riding. So what did she do? Every time he came over, she filled his glass to the top and he wrecked his bike soon after leaving her house. Then she wanted to be mother of the year and barge in on his care. I blocked her from seeing him and contacting him. When he came home, I told him, if you die, she will not be at the funeral. He got mad. I told him, You won't care... you'll be dead! The look on his face...

hopeful4

If they are so worried let them go hunt for him. You had the right response.

samlynn

I know this is an old post but it really hit home for me today. My mil called our house yesterday (I have been NC with my in-laws for over a month now and was limited contact prior to that) She wanted to know how things were. I did not answer her and said only that she should call back when she knew my AH would be home. The end of contact for me was the day that his parents chastised me for not calling them when my AH didn't come home the night before. He had driven to the middle of nowhere drunk as can be and finally stopped and slept in his car at a truck stop. I am not his babysitter. Yeah...we went to the Zoo that day and had a great time. Sorry not sorry. I could really relate to this and in my search for experience and hope, I landed here. Thank you for being so honest.

trailmix

Hi samlynn, it sounds like you have really healthy boundaries with your in-laws and good for you for sticking by them.

You are not your Husband's Mom or his keeper and you know that. The fact that your in-laws don't know that - not your problem.

I am sorry you are in such a tough situation.

NYCDoglvr

Next time they ask this is an appropriate answer.