Acceptance?
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Acceptance?
For those following my drama 
, ex was admitted yesterday to rehab. First step is in patient “detox”, assessment etc. After which they recommend the next step which can be additional inpatient treatment or IOP. He asked me yesterday if I would take care of the dog and give him a ride, I said yes to both. Picked him up and walked into his house to find his kitchen counter littered with empty wine bottles. Empty bottle after bottle. The house stunk like old wine. Blech. Do you know what I did when I saw the mess? I laughed and walked out. I was not angry, upset, no pit in my stomach like the past, no anxiety. Laughing, not appropriate, who knows where that came from. I was looking at him in a different light. Acknowledged to myself he is an alcoholic and that this is his problem not mine. In the past I would have cried from sadness and let his friends know. I did neither. Each time we saw a restaurant on the drive he asked if we could have dinner. He was hungry. I said nope. You should have thought about eating before you left and I have things to do. I dropped him off. They gave me a number to call if I wanted to check on him. Number is in my wallet and will not be used. Also told the nurse I have no more compassion - this did not come from a mean place. He made a bad choice. He knows he is an alcoholic and decided to have one sip which turned into a thousand or more. I am relaxed. I am at peace. I do not have an ache in my stomach. I am not worried about the future. I have a great life and independent and am thankful. Could I have finally accepted this?
, ex was admitted yesterday to rehab. First step is in patient “detox”, assessment etc. After which they recommend the next step which can be additional inpatient treatment or IOP. He asked me yesterday if I would take care of the dog and give him a ride, I said yes to both. Picked him up and walked into his house to find his kitchen counter littered with empty wine bottles. Empty bottle after bottle. The house stunk like old wine. Blech. Do you know what I did when I saw the mess? I laughed and walked out. I was not angry, upset, no pit in my stomach like the past, no anxiety. Laughing, not appropriate, who knows where that came from. I was looking at him in a different light. Acknowledged to myself he is an alcoholic and that this is his problem not mine. In the past I would have cried from sadness and let his friends know. I did neither. Each time we saw a restaurant on the drive he asked if we could have dinner. He was hungry. I said nope. You should have thought about eating before you left and I have things to do. I dropped him off. They gave me a number to call if I wanted to check on him. Number is in my wallet and will not be used. Also told the nurse I have no more compassion - this did not come from a mean place. He made a bad choice. He knows he is an alcoholic and decided to have one sip which turned into a thousand or more. I am relaxed. I am at peace. I do not have an ache in my stomach. I am not worried about the future. I have a great life and independent and am thankful. Could I have finally accepted this?
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
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I have a transformed look at compassion, much different from my old views of it.
Now I consider the root of it's meaning, which is "to suffer with". Letting go of the word doesn't mean I don't care. Being firm in taking care of myself first is a kindness to myself and others.
Sounds like you're in a really good place. Best of luck to both of you!
Now I consider the root of it's meaning, which is "to suffer with". Letting go of the word doesn't mean I don't care. Being firm in taking care of myself first is a kindness to myself and others.
Sounds like you're in a really good place. Best of luck to both of you!
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Originally Posted by Mango212 
I have a transformed look at compassion, much different from my old views of it.
Now I consider the root of it's meaning, which is "to suffer with". Letting go of the word doesn't mean I don't care. Being firm in taking care of myself first is a kindness to myself and others.
Sounds like you're in a really good place. Best of luck to both of you!
Now I consider the root of it's meaning, which is "to suffer with". Letting go of the word doesn't mean I don't care. Being firm in taking care of myself first is a kindness to myself and others.
Sounds like you're in a really good place. Best of luck to both of you!
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Hello NJ! Sometimes, I think we just get to a tipping point. I don't run around in a panic about my stepson anymore either. When the late Mr. Seren and I got to that point, it was so much more peaceful...
Go you!
Go you!
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Originally Posted by CodeJob
It is strangely peaceful when you grasp that you can’t save someone from their own self destruction.
It was kind of you to drive him to rehab and take in his dog. ������
It was kind of you to drive him to rehab and take in his dog. ������
Thank you - there is still a bit of kindness left in me but not too much!
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I think this says a lot about your own recovery. Its a great thing when you can walk away and not let this control you. Well done.
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Originally Posted by Seren
Hello NJ! Sometimes, I think we just get to a tipping point. I don't run around in a panic about my stepson anymore either. When the late Mr. Seren and I got to that point, it was so much more peaceful...
Go you!
Go you!
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