Mango212

I'm finally open enough in my recovery to allow knowledge of my husband being unfaithful to me with other women. No hard, firm evidence. Simply a very deep knowing supported by many things. There is a part of my brain that isn't quite on board with this, but my gut is sure and my body has a relaxed release I've experienced many times this past year when I'm willing to acknowledge and face unseen things that are hurting me. I've been in No Contact with him for more than 3 months. It took almost a year of No Contact with my FOO before I felt safe enough to allow those issues to arise.

I'm working through this amazingly quickly and easily. I've been ramping up support and resources for both the past few weeks and the coming weeks for FOO issues, so a big safety/support system in place to help with whatever else arises with this.

Naturopathic doctor appointment in October. Domestic abuse help center therapy. Al-anon. Reiki. Rolfing sessions and deep muscle releases in the mix. Playtime. Kayak time. Nature time.

Life is easy now. May seem weird, yet there it is. Secrets are out. Done. Gone. My internal compass is set towards enjoying life in all ways God guides me to.

Signs of his being unfaithful to me include many things that could also be from addiction & workaholism. I have a feeling that therapy sessions and talking to professionals will help me sort this out and reveal more.

The one sign I've ignored all these years is my husband making references to me having a boyfriend. I've tried everything to assure, to tell him it's hurtful, etc. Yet eventually he has done this again and again.

Mango212

These words from dandylion on the cheaters thread are helpful:

It helps knowing I'm not alone. Member of another club I didn't realize I was in. Dysfunctional family of origin. Check. Alcoholic family. Check. Target of abuse. Check. Unfaithful spouse. Check.

Torn down. Torn apart. Rebuilding and coming back with an unbreakable core.

Trusting in this healing process and the example of many healthy role models who've overcome traumas with amazing, big, great lives.

I trust my gut. My heart has healed and I trust it, too. It's okay for my head to follow their lead through this.

Mango212

I've been having fun today, playing with puppy & kid, getting work done, listening to music. Finding joy in many things.

As I open my heart to the day, I see and feel good around me.

And in the mix there are moments of knowing. Of seeing patterns. Of certain things that always struck me as quite odd. One night when he came home very late and immediately turned everything towards me being the problem. I'm not sure how to put it in words, but it was different than the usual alcohol issue. Those words would fit many evenings with alcohol after coming home from work. This other night was very different, very odd.

The times when intimacy between us changed and nothing I did made a difference. Him being happy with work and friends and not wanting time with me. Periods of this. The time he actually came home and bragged how a woman at the bar wanted to sleep with him. That was very out of character from how he usually was.

I'm thankful for this time away from him. I'm thankful for clarity as it comes.

Mango212

SmallButMighty, thank you for being here.

It means a lot.

So does your name!