Had my first success with “staying on my side of the street”
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Join Date: Feb 2018
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Had my first success with “staying on my side of the street”
Every single Memorial Day and Labor Day (and any other “cookout” holiday) has ended the same way for me since dating my AB. He takes “holiday” to mean “start drinking at 11.” By the time it’s time to go to my mother’s house around 5 he’s too drunk to take and usually combative saying I never told him we were going to my mothers house. I end up going alone, upset, and my family asking where he is.
So yesterday I tried to practice detachment with love. I was working until 3 and he said “I’m going to my friends cookout at 1.” Okay. Not going to worry about him. Asked if he wanted me to ask him if he wanted to come before I went to my moms or catch up after. He says “Probably just after it’s a 30 minute walk home.” Would have picked him up, but okay sure. Won’t be over til around 7. He says cool.
And that was it. I forgot about him. Didn’t worry about how much he was drinking. Didn’t text to check up. Took a friend to my moms cookout and had a nice time. At 4:45 he texts and asks if I still want him to go to my moms. Nope buddy, already here, you said you didn’t want to come. See you at 7. “I guess I’ll just go get food then.” Haha okay, why didn’t you eat at the other cookout. Probably too busy drinking then.
Got to his place at 7. He’s sober. Says “I didn’t eat because I thought you were going to text me before you went to your moms. Showed him the text where he said not to bother. Apologized for “Misspeaking.” And then we had a nice rest of the evening because he wasn’t drunk.
If only my crazy codependent butt knew I was codependent all these years, I might have not been so crazy 😜
So yesterday I tried to practice detachment with love. I was working until 3 and he said “I’m going to my friends cookout at 1.” Okay. Not going to worry about him. Asked if he wanted me to ask him if he wanted to come before I went to my moms or catch up after. He says “Probably just after it’s a 30 minute walk home.” Would have picked him up, but okay sure. Won’t be over til around 7. He says cool.
And that was it. I forgot about him. Didn’t worry about how much he was drinking. Didn’t text to check up. Took a friend to my moms cookout and had a nice time. At 4:45 he texts and asks if I still want him to go to my moms. Nope buddy, already here, you said you didn’t want to come. See you at 7. “I guess I’ll just go get food then.” Haha okay, why didn’t you eat at the other cookout. Probably too busy drinking then.
Got to his place at 7. He’s sober. Says “I didn’t eat because I thought you were going to text me before you went to your moms. Showed him the text where he said not to bother. Apologized for “Misspeaking.” And then we had a nice rest of the evening because he wasn’t drunk.
If only my crazy codependent butt knew I was codependent all these years, I might have not been so crazy 😜
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by Imaginarium 
Every single Memorial Day and Labor Day (and any other “cookout” holiday) has ended the same way for me since dating my AB. He takes “holiday” to mean “start drinking at 11.” By the time it’s time to go to my mother’s house around 5 he’s too drunk to take and usually combative saying I never told him we were going to my mothers house. I end up going alone, upset, and my family asking where he is.
So yesterday I tried to practice detachment with love. I was working until 3 and he said “I’m going to my friends cookout at 1.” Okay. Not going to worry about him. Asked if he wanted me to ask him if he wanted to come before I went to my moms or catch up after. He says “Probably just after it’s a 30 minute walk home.” Would have picked him up, but okay sure. Won’t be over til around 7. He says cool.
And that was it. I forgot about him. Didn’t worry about how much he was drinking. Didn’t text to check up. Took a friend to my moms cookout and had a nice time. At 4:45 he texts and asks if I still want him to go to my moms. Nope buddy, already here, you said you didn’t want to come. See you at 7. “I guess I’ll just go get food then.” Haha okay, why didn’t you eat at the other cookout. Probably too busy drinking then.
Got to his place at 7. He’s sober. Says “I didn’t eat because I thought you were going to text me before you went to your moms. Showed him the text where he said not to bother. Apologized for “Misspeaking.” And then we had a nice rest of the evening because he wasn’t drunk.
If only my crazy codependent butt knew I was codependent all these years, I might have not been so crazy 😜
So yesterday I tried to practice detachment with love. I was working until 3 and he said “I’m going to my friends cookout at 1.” Okay. Not going to worry about him. Asked if he wanted me to ask him if he wanted to come before I went to my moms or catch up after. He says “Probably just after it’s a 30 minute walk home.” Would have picked him up, but okay sure. Won’t be over til around 7. He says cool.
And that was it. I forgot about him. Didn’t worry about how much he was drinking. Didn’t text to check up. Took a friend to my moms cookout and had a nice time. At 4:45 he texts and asks if I still want him to go to my moms. Nope buddy, already here, you said you didn’t want to come. See you at 7. “I guess I’ll just go get food then.” Haha okay, why didn’t you eat at the other cookout. Probably too busy drinking then.
Got to his place at 7. He’s sober. Says “I didn’t eat because I thought you were going to text me before you went to your moms. Showed him the text where he said not to bother. Apologized for “Misspeaking.” And then we had a nice rest of the evening because he wasn’t drunk.
If only my crazy codependent butt knew I was codependent all these years, I might have not been so crazy 😜
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Yes! It feels so good to make progress and know you are getting better. I applaud you for being able to have fun regardless of what he was doing. That's not an easy thing to do after a long time of doing the exact opposite. You're rocking it!
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