Out of the Closet
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Out of the Closet
Venting and a question. My ex called tonight. He told me he called rehab today and they took his insurance and will call as soon as they have an open bed. This is the same process as his last admission. In addition, he went to his neighbor's house tonight, a recovering alcoholic, who has been sober for 10 years to let him know he is an alcoholic and is going back to rehab. My ex said he needed to verbalize to make it "real". Ok, don't get this but it's not for me to understand. Isn't the fact that he is drowning himself in alcohol "real"? He also admitted to drinking five bottles of wine a day starting at noon. That was the conversation and we said goodnight. I am glad he has admitted his illness which is different than last week and mentioned rehab. Last week he stance was "I will fix this". Yes, we've all heard that before. At least today, there is discussion of action. Although I will not believe it until he is admitted. Here's my question. He told me he is taking his dog to the kennel while he is in rehab and I did not offer to watch his dog - I did not say a word in response. I love his dog and his dog will be safe but I feel like he needs to take care of all the details on his own. On the other hand, I feel bad for his dog, why should he be locked up in a kennel due to his owner's irresponsible behaviors? His last admission I drove him to rehab and watched his dog. Do I offer to watch the dog? I feel silly even asking this. I guess it's typical Codie traits. This has not changed my decision to move forward. I am staying in the moment and within reality. He is an alcoholic with a HUGE problem HE needs to fix. Thanks in advance for your feedback.
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I honestly would not offer anything. Not to punish either him or the dog,but to protect myself from further harm/involvement. I'd also be very 'on guard' about the reason he felt the 'need' to let you know about his plans. Seems like a manipulation tactic to me and I was VERY GOOD at manipulating others when I was active, especially women. Just be cautious.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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I too would be very cautious but I understand your concern about the dog and I also think it was a good idea to stand back and let him sort that out.
If he is going to be in rehab for several weeks it might be kind (to the dog) after say, a week, to offer to take him in until the ex is released, with the understanding that he can't be calling every day to see if the "dog is ok". He would have been fine at the kennel and he will be fine with you, no need for him to check up on him.
If he is going to be in rehab for several weeks it might be kind (to the dog) after say, a week, to offer to take him in until the ex is released, with the understanding that he can't be calling every day to see if the "dog is ok". He would have been fine at the kennel and he will be fine with you, no need for him to check up on him.
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I'm in this boat with watching dogs. It was thrown on me. I know that my ExAH has absolutely no one in his life because he alienated himself from other people. I'm driving 50 miles a day just to feed these dogs and I'm having major surgery tomorrow too. But hey... look at him go! He's in rehab! :insert eyeroll here:
The difference with me though is that I raised these 2 dogs from puppies. It is very inconvienient for me right now because of my surgery. I for one, wouldnt look at you as enabling if you took the dog in because the dog is a casualty of this man's alcoholic world just like we are. It still needs to eat, drink n potty.
The difference with me though is that I raised these 2 dogs from puppies. It is very inconvienient for me right now because of my surgery. I for one, wouldnt look at you as enabling if you took the dog in because the dog is a casualty of this man's alcoholic world just like we are. It still needs to eat, drink n potty.
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Location: Midland, MI
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One thing I haven’t seen asked or stated is: do you WANT to watch the dog?
I am currently watching my dad’s dog while he is out of state for 3 months. It does change my routine a bit, but since I have a dog of my own it isn’t much of an inconvenience (except he left me with no food for her and no extra money to get some).
The idea that the drunk may call and check up on the dog every day is a manipulation tactic I hadn’t thought of, but I guess I should have. It’s surprising to me how many little tactics A’s can use just to keep in touch with you, but I suppose I shouldn’t be anymore.
What do you think his motivation was to tell you about going to rehab? I no longer trust A’s motivations and question every little thing. “What are they trying to get me to do?”
I would suggest making the decision that feels right for you.
I am currently watching my dad’s dog while he is out of state for 3 months. It does change my routine a bit, but since I have a dog of my own it isn’t much of an inconvenience (except he left me with no food for her and no extra money to get some).
The idea that the drunk may call and check up on the dog every day is a manipulation tactic I hadn’t thought of, but I guess I should have. It’s surprising to me how many little tactics A’s can use just to keep in touch with you, but I suppose I shouldn’t be anymore.
What do you think his motivation was to tell you about going to rehab? I no longer trust A’s motivations and question every little thing. “What are they trying to get me to do?”
I would suggest making the decision that feels right for you.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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I guess I have a different take on this. My dog goes to doggie daycare, who also does boarding. HE LOVES IT THERE. He is not locked in a kennel. He plays until he cannot move LOL. So, my thought would be to find somewhere like that for said dog to go, give him the suggestion, and back away.
That is just my two cents.
That is just my two cents.
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Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Talk is cheap, actions are what matter. If he's sober in a year, then he's sober. After the dog issue is settled (excellent suggestion to send to doggie daycare/boarding) I'd cut all contact and avoid being pulled back in to the daily drama.
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Originally Posted by Opivotal 
NJ, how long will your ex be in rehab?
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Originally Posted by DontRemember
I honestly would not offer anything. Not to punish either him or the dog,but to protect myself from further harm/involvement. I'd also be very 'on guard' about the reason he felt the 'need' to let you know about his plans. Seems like a manipulation tactic to me and I was VERY GOOD at manipulating others when I was active, especially women. Just be cautious.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Originally Posted by trailmix
I too would be very cautious but I understand your concern about the dog and I also think it was a good idea to stand back and let him sort that out.
If he is going to be in rehab for several weeks it might be kind (to the dog) after say, a week, to offer to take him in until the ex is released, with the understanding that he can't be calling every day to see if the "dog is ok". He would have been fine at the kennel and he will be fine with you, no need for him to check up on him.
If he is going to be in rehab for several weeks it might be kind (to the dog) after say, a week, to offer to take him in until the ex is released, with the understanding that he can't be calling every day to see if the "dog is ok". He would have been fine at the kennel and he will be fine with you, no need for him to check up on him.
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
I'm in this boat with watching dogs. It was thrown on me. I know that my ExAH has absolutely no one in his life because he alienated himself from other people. I'm driving 50 miles a day just to feed these dogs and I'm having major surgery tomorrow too. But hey... look at him go! He's in rehab! :insert eyeroll here:
The difference with me though is that I raised these 2 dogs from puppies. It is very inconvienient for me right now because of my surgery. I for one, wouldnt look at you as enabling if you took the dog in because the dog is a casualty of this man's alcoholic world just like we are. It still needs to eat, drink n potty.
The difference with me though is that I raised these 2 dogs from puppies. It is very inconvienient for me right now because of my surgery. I for one, wouldnt look at you as enabling if you took the dog in because the dog is a casualty of this man's alcoholic world just like we are. It still needs to eat, drink n potty.
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Originally Posted by Mellybug
One thing I haven’t seen asked or stated is: do you WANT to watch the dog?
I am currently watching my dad’s dog while he is out of state for 3 months. It does change my routine a bit, but since I have a dog of my own it isn’t much of an inconvenience (except he left me with no food for her and no extra money to get some).
The idea that the drunk may call and check up on the dog every day is a manipulation tactic I hadn’t thought of, but I guess I should have. It’s surprising to me how many little tactics A’s can use just to keep in touch with you, but I suppose I shouldn’t be anymore.
What do you think his motivation was to tell you about going to rehab? I no longer trust A’s motivations and question every little thing. “What are they trying to get me to do?”
I would suggest making the decision that feels right for you.
I am currently watching my dad’s dog while he is out of state for 3 months. It does change my routine a bit, but since I have a dog of my own it isn’t much of an inconvenience (except he left me with no food for her and no extra money to get some).
The idea that the drunk may call and check up on the dog every day is a manipulation tactic I hadn’t thought of, but I guess I should have. It’s surprising to me how many little tactics A’s can use just to keep in touch with you, but I suppose I shouldn’t be anymore.
What do you think his motivation was to tell you about going to rehab? I no longer trust A’s motivations and question every little thing. “What are they trying to get me to do?”
I would suggest making the decision that feels right for you.
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Originally Posted by NJ2001
I am laughing at your comment since my therapist voice was in my head after I wrote "what do you want to do"?. I think I will take the dog he has two friends in my home so its really not a big deal.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
NJ2001.....my first thought is---what is in the best interest of the dog? (providing, of course, that you are able to watch the dog)…..
I do not consider caring for helpless animals as enabling.....
I do not consider caring for helpless animals as enabling.....
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