Longlady

I was in a social situation with alcohol all afternoon. It was probably not ideal but I had no way out of it so had to go. I drove so I couldn't drink and had planned on leaving at a set time before cravings got bad so I could be at home but other half didn't want to leave and I didn't want an argument as it's not his fault, he doesn't know I'm trying to quit completely. So I got passed a drink to hold, I didn't drink it, I put it down on the table. But I stopped at the shop on the way home and had a bottle of wine last night. I woke up gutted. I think I knew I'd probably cave in from the onset as I was already getting wound up about going and had wanted to make an early escape as part of my trying to quit plan but I was stuck there. My original wanting to leave so I could go home then turned into wanting to leave so I could have a drink.

So anyway, try again day 1. I've cleared my calendar of everything for the next few weeks. I drink twice a week, it's the day 3-4 cravings I need to get through. I sort of feel like I could just go to the middle of nowhere so there's no access to alcohol for a few weeks.

JustTony

I've been there literally hundreds of times.

You're not alone.

Gabe1980

Hi Longlady. It's really hard, isn't it? Going into situations knowing that you will have to deal with cravings is a lot to ask when you are just starting to gain sober time.

Maybe tell your hubby you want to properly quit? It would be easier if you had his support when you are out. It's a good idea to clear your calendar too. Working out a plan to support yourself is so important just now too. A good recovery plan. Well done for coming straight back and starting over. Rach xx

Mattq2

I did that more times then I can count. Each time I learned a little more about myself and my addiction. In the end I realized that sticking to the plan every minute of everyday was critical. I do agree telling your partner might make things easier on you. Support is so important early on. Good luck

Dee74

I'm sorry you drank longlady., but I'm glad you made it back.

I don't think you're stupid - you maybe just underestimated the task?

Your post is pretty much the textbook reason for having a plan beforehand tho,

Driving there was obviously not enough of a plan - I'm not saying that to beat you up - its a siomple statement of fact - you'll need a better plan.

I think you also need to think about hats important to you - I could get sober when I put someone else's needs ahead of my own.

There was always a party, always someone coming round and dropping in with beers, always some reason to continue to drink.

It's gonna take some hard decisions for you to keep yourself and your recovery safe.

I stayed away from alcohol for several months, I didn't stay at home like some kind of hermit, but I thought about the invites I said yes to.

Eventually I was able to go anywhere and do anything - but not for a while.
I had to build up 'sober muscles'. I went out I socialised but never around alcohol, not for a while.

Who I had been had to become who I wanted to be first.

here's some really good ideas on what your recovery action plan could look like:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D

Rar

Hi Longlady........I've been down the same path many times. Glad you made it back.

Hawking22

Seriously! Story of my life.

You did an amazing job of recognizing before, during and after what caused it, and I think that's going to be a great tool moving forward. You've got this.

Any chance you can share with your SO that you want to stop completely?

gatorman

We’ve all been there! Stop beating yourself up, you can do this!

Kaytea

I know the feeling. Done it tons of times. But I'm really happy you came here first thing to talk about it and get support. No judgment here, but I have an ear to listen!

yinzer

Count me in, Longlady. I stumbled last night as well. Today everything changes.

D122y

Long,

What really helped me get through the on going crave....suffering...was understanding the Science of what I was feeling.

Booze altered my ability to enjoy life naturally. It takes months/years of clean time before my natural ability to produce endorphins etc. Normalizes.

That is why it is so hard to stay quit.

I have to search out ways to enjoy life without booze.

Lifestyle change.

I love working out, seeing shows, eating, doing nice things for folks, shopping etc etc. It is a conscious effort to change my foundation go to daily actions.

It was hardest the first year and got easier so far.

But, I still crave a bit all the time. That is life.

I know I could relapse anytime and doing so would cause me huge negative feelings.

I would let myself down as well as my wife and 15 year old son.

I have a responsibility.

But, added to that is the amazing life I get to live being normally functional. It is like a new world that has opened up.

It is a miracle, but it didn't happen fast. It took this long and it is still getting better.

Thanks.

Zebra1275

I stayed sober in many social situations, knowing that later on when I was alone I could drink.

I think that is pretty common behavior for many of us.

tekink

I did also, I had to stop going to those kinds of events for a while. I found there are not actually any social events I "had" to attend.

Longlady

He knows I've been trying to cut down recently but not actually aware I want to quit so I think if I get a good opportunity I will tell him. He says I drink too much but after 20 years I suppose it's just "normal"" now and I still function and get up everyday and get everything done but inside I'm hungover but rarely admit it.
A lot has changed in my life this year, I gave up working as my hours didn't work around the kids school times so this is the first time I've been unemployed so the past six months I've slipped in to a bad alcohol routine of mid week drinking and it crept up on me so now I find myself in this position.
I've definitely reached a realisation that this is behaviour needs to stop. Yesterday has taught me something so that's not wasted and I know I need to plan better. I want to quit while I'm ahead, I can see myself spiralling down if I don't sort this out now.

iwilltryagain

Longlady - Glad that you recognized and are getting back. One thing I would have done is to eat (may be eat more in social situations- not worry about weight gain etc at that point) kills the carvings physically. Make a note of what you have learnt and use it. Start over, be nice to yourself, be strong...Have a nice day.

zoeydog

Longlady, I could have written your exact post so many times! I'm so glad we're both still trying. I finally fessed up to my husband last night, and I'm so glad I did. And he was great … he knew I was cutting back, but didn't realize (because I hid it, maybe secretly convinced I'd fail) that I was actually fighting to stay completely sober every single day. He was planning for us to go to a beer fest in two weeks, but I told him 'no way, darlin!' I'm sorry to disappoint him, and I'm happy for him to go alone. But I simply cannot make that work for me right now.

Dee, thanks for the link. I'm really craving information like this. Very helpful. Stay well (I hope you're back is back)!

Gottalife

You don’t seem stupid to me and I think you are being a bit hard on yourself to say you acted stupidly, even though it may seem that way. Alcoholics drink. It is one of the symptoms of the illness. Having trouble stopping is another. We have an abnormal reaction to alcohol, sometimes described as an allergy, but with it goes a strange mental twist. Knowing it is harmful, we drink regardless. That is a strange thing to do.

Consider if you had an allergy poison ivy and one day, walking past a patch, you had a sudden urge to rip off your shirt and have a good roll in it. That might be beyond stupid, it could be insane. But that kind of thinking doesn’t occur in people allergic to poison ivy. They have a normal and sane reaction and will avoid contact with the ivy. It would never occur to them to risk a reaction.

The alcoholic is different. My alcoholic mind remembered the nice part of drinking, and somehow forgot the rest. In spite of an ever growing pile of evidence that drinking was bad for me, none of that came to mind to save me. I didn’t stupidly drink, I was just missing the other side of the story.

I had a chance to get sober when I was 21. A stint in the nut farm. A spell of nearly three months to clear my head. I could say I stupidly drank again after that, but really, my problem was I simply could not see the true nature of my problem. I wasn’t unwilling, I just could not see it. Perhaps it was a psychosis.

As I couldn’t see the problem, I also could not see the need for a solution, and without action on a solution it was inevitable that the problem would come back, which it did.

It took another year and a serious descent into the alcoholic pit for me to see the problem. I was fairly well stupefied by this time, yet now I saw the problem I was not so stupid as to refuse a solution.

That would have been the point that stupidity might have killed me, or maybe that would still have been the insanity of alcoholism. Whoever heard of a person suffering from a terminal illness that could be permanently arrested, turning down or refusing to cooperate in their own treatment?

Delilah1

Glad you came right back. I definitely had many times in the past where an event triggered me to have a drink when I got home, which was truthfully where I did most of my drinking anyway.

Finally I got serious about coming up with and sticking to a recovery plan. Like Dee, I avoided parties and outings where alcohol was going to be for a while. Even now, closing in on three years sober I do enjoy being places where people are drinking a lot. I will go to family events, or concerts/baseball games, but I haven't just gone to a bar/pub because I don't think it would be enjoyable for me.

You can do this, and it really does get easier over time.

zoeydog

Longlady … you doing OK? Just checking in!