Step 3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Step 3
I'm struggling with Step 3. I'm continuously working different steps, but I keep circling around to 3. My mom is pretty spiritual (but she's also religious) and she keeps telling me that God has a plan for everyone. I'm not sure what I believe anymore. I have a higher power, and I do believe in it, I'm agnostic in that I can't define it, and that's fine with me. I know it's there. The issue I keep running into is, does a HP really have a plan for us? Is this plan contingent on us always following what we believe it would have us do? How do we stay in the moment when the moment sucks? If one turns his will and his life over to the care of God as he understands him, are we just to say, well, this is the way it is? Now, I get that we are active participants. We're not passive. But I'm beginning to question the why of it all. I apologize for the convoluted rambling post. Just wondering if anyone else has these types of questions about step 3.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
I found it was possible to do Steps 2 and 3 without resorting to mysticism or believing in a sentient deity who has specific plans for us or "cares" about what happens to us.
For me, those steps came down to the realization and acceptance that I couldn't solve my alcoholism problem using the same brain that was afflicted with it. My old ways of thinking -- the ones that constituted what I thought of as my "Self" -- had become corrupted by alcohol and always ended up getting me drunk. Therefore, I had to find a way to let go of my old ways of thinking and open myself up to entirely new ones that I had never even dreamed existed before. That Honesty, Openness, and Willingness (HOW) to allow changes to what I had previously so jealously cherished as my "self" were the foundations of my recovery.
To me, this is why the Big Book bangs on so much about "ego" -- to me, "ego" boils down to the unwillingness to let go of old ideas, and old ways of reacting to the world, that are counter-productive to recovery.
Whether you use a traditional God, a doorknob, or an "unsuspected inner resource" (as the Big Book refers to it), the key is in accepting that you will not be able to think your way out of addiction using what you currently think of "yourself" -- you must let go of old patterns and be open to creating new ones. The remaining Steps 4-12 are a template for achieving and maintaining this. That's how it worked for me, anyway.
For me, those steps came down to the realization and acceptance that I couldn't solve my alcoholism problem using the same brain that was afflicted with it. My old ways of thinking -- the ones that constituted what I thought of as my "Self" -- had become corrupted by alcohol and always ended up getting me drunk. Therefore, I had to find a way to let go of my old ways of thinking and open myself up to entirely new ones that I had never even dreamed existed before. That Honesty, Openness, and Willingness (HOW) to allow changes to what I had previously so jealously cherished as my "self" were the foundations of my recovery.
To me, this is why the Big Book bangs on so much about "ego" -- to me, "ego" boils down to the unwillingness to let go of old ideas, and old ways of reacting to the world, that are counter-productive to recovery.
Whether you use a traditional God, a doorknob, or an "unsuspected inner resource" (as the Big Book refers to it), the key is in accepting that you will not be able to think your way out of addiction using what you currently think of "yourself" -- you must let go of old patterns and be open to creating new ones. The remaining Steps 4-12 are a template for achieving and maintaining this. That's how it worked for me, anyway.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Are you working with a sponsor? That's the best way I like many found to do the steps, and doing them in order not circling as you describe is important too. My mind certainly knew about and had thoughts forward to other steps, but they are in order for good reason.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
does HP have a plan for us? you asked
of course,my big book says
HP has a plan for me like being
Happy,Joyous and Free
you don`t sound agnostic to me
none of us can fully define or comprehend the HP
the why of it all?
well,this is why
Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
it is a life or death issue
keep searching,more will be revealed and your questions will gradually answer themselves in time
of course,my big book says
HP has a plan for me like being
Happy,Joyous and Free
you don`t sound agnostic to me
none of us can fully define or comprehend the HP
the why of it all?
well,this is why
Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
it is a life or death issue
keep searching,more will be revealed and your questions will gradually answer themselves in time
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Blown away,
Andante's post summed it up brilliantly. You can't think your way there
Just trust the process it works.
One of the guests here, only young,been in and out of rehabs for 10 years was asking "what is my purpose, I have no purpose", her purpose is to get sober, she can't seem to surrender to the HP and she is in so much emotional pain she seems unable to lift her self out enough to get the ball rolling.
I listen to Eckhart Tolle and he helps bring me back to the living and accepting what is. I realize how little I actually practice this and when I remember to do so bring my full attention and focus to what I am doing,body awareness and breathing , I can't understand why I don't do this more often.
CaiHong
Andante's post summed it up brilliantly. You can't think your way there
Just trust the process it works.
One of the guests here, only young,been in and out of rehabs for 10 years was asking "what is my purpose, I have no purpose", her purpose is to get sober, she can't seem to surrender to the HP and she is in so much emotional pain she seems unable to lift her self out enough to get the ball rolling.
I listen to Eckhart Tolle and he helps bring me back to the living and accepting what is. I realize how little I actually practice this and when I remember to do so bring my full attention and focus to what I am doing,body awareness and breathing , I can't understand why I don't do this more often.
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Blown away,
Andante's post summed it up brilliantly. You can't think your way there
Just trust the process it works.
One of the guests here, only young,been in and out of rehabs for 10 years was asking "what is my purpose, I have no purpose", her purpose is to get sober, she can't seem to surrender to the HP and she is in so much emotional pain she seems unable to lift her self out enough to get the ball rolling.
I listen to Eckhart Tolle and he helps bring me back to the living and accepting what is. I realize how little I actually practice this and when I remember to do so bring my full attention and focus to what I am doing,body awareness and breathing , I can't understand why I don't do this more often.
CaiHong
Andante's post summed it up brilliantly. You can't think your way there
Just trust the process it works.
One of the guests here, only young,been in and out of rehabs for 10 years was asking "what is my purpose, I have no purpose", her purpose is to get sober, she can't seem to surrender to the HP and she is in so much emotional pain she seems unable to lift her self out enough to get the ball rolling.
I listen to Eckhart Tolle and he helps bring me back to the living and accepting what is. I realize how little I actually practice this and when I remember to do so bring my full attention and focus to what I am doing,body awareness and breathing , I can't understand why I don't do this more often.
CaiHong
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Could and would if He were sought. It's that soughtin' part that releases me of the bondage of self, slowly. Keep kicking the can down the road, open your heart and mind. The rest takes care of itself - I have to stay sober long enough for my brain to ask why not instead of why.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Assuming step one is well understood and provided in step two we can express at least a willingness to believe that this Power might be available to us, then step three is merely the decision to do our part in letting this Power do the business.
It does not necessarily make a relationship with a higher power an established fact at this point. There is some work to be done first in the form of steps four to nine, to make this a reality.
Like if I make a decision to get a drivers licence. Doesn’t mean I got one. First I have to learn to drive, pass the test, pay the fee, then I have my licence. The decision leads to the action which leads to the result. Same with the program.
The only real proof that I had done step three was when I was actively working on step four, the first action to identify and get rid of the things that were blocking me from the Power.
There is a bit more to step three of course. The basis is the need to be rid of selfishness, essential for us to survive and something we haven’t had much luck with on our own. Also, in the third step prayer we make a deal with God, probably similar to others we may have tried to make in the past when in the pits of despair.
You take away my difficulties and I will tell others about how you did it, I will bear witness. He took away my difficulties and I am here to bear witness to that fact. It was the best deal I ever made, and I kept my side of it.
It does not necessarily make a relationship with a higher power an established fact at this point. There is some work to be done first in the form of steps four to nine, to make this a reality.
Like if I make a decision to get a drivers licence. Doesn’t mean I got one. First I have to learn to drive, pass the test, pay the fee, then I have my licence. The decision leads to the action which leads to the result. Same with the program.
The only real proof that I had done step three was when I was actively working on step four, the first action to identify and get rid of the things that were blocking me from the Power.
There is a bit more to step three of course. The basis is the need to be rid of selfishness, essential for us to survive and something we haven’t had much luck with on our own. Also, in the third step prayer we make a deal with God, probably similar to others we may have tried to make in the past when in the pits of despair.
You take away my difficulties and I will tell others about how you did it, I will bear witness. He took away my difficulties and I am here to bear witness to that fact. It was the best deal I ever made, and I kept my side of it.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Tommyh 
the big book explains step 3 very well
no need for us to try to interpret it for you
no need for us to try to interpret it for you
The second being the suggestion in the book that the recovered member has much practical experience to share with the newcomer, and the third is that sponsorship as is now widely practiced is regarded as extremely useful in helping the newcomer to understand and take each particular step.
I shared a bit of experience above, but one other thing that happened to me was I became very confused in the early days listening to the many weird and wonderful interpretations put on this step in the wider fellowship. Weird because what I was hearing did not reconcile with the book.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I shared a bit of experience above, but one other thing that happened to me was I became very confused in the early days listening to the many weird and wonderful interpretations put on this step in the wider fellowship. Weird because what I was hearing did not reconcile with the book.
and that is excally what I mean.let the newer folks work with a sponsor and find their own path on step 3
take 10 people and you will have at least 6 or 7 different interpretations of that step when they say they are going by the book
my experience is different that yours but I did follow the big book to the line,my sponsor had me do it that way...when we offer up different experiences ,arguments can easily follow and I try to avoid that.
around here,they say they take it but fly the coop on step 4 mostly
but it all can work together for good to those who love AA and the HP
if we keep taking it to God
have a good day!
and that is excally what I mean.let the newer folks work with a sponsor and find their own path on step 3
take 10 people and you will have at least 6 or 7 different interpretations of that step when they say they are going by the book
my experience is different that yours but I did follow the big book to the line,my sponsor had me do it that way...when we offer up different experiences ,arguments can easily follow and I try to avoid that.
around here,they say they take it but fly the coop on step 4 mostly
but it all can work together for good to those who love AA and the HP
if we keep taking it to God
have a good day!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
