Don't hate me.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Don't hate me.
Sometimes I feel when I post here, some might think my issues are tickle or trite, but it has saved me this last few months. I went out tonight for my birthday and I miss him so much. I don't want to do the praying and the journaling. My heart is broken.
Glen
Glen
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Hugs to you.
And why would anyone hate you? Of course you miss him. No shame in that. Your issues are not trite one bit. You came to the right place .
I miss XAH and being married to him all the time. He has plenty of good in him, and can be very kind and sensitive. He always made me laugh. He was a decent father and very affectionate with DS, very sensitive to his needs.
It is the dark side that is a deal breaker. I don’t miss not knowing, fearing for my and my sons health and safety, and his rage.
It will get easier. I have heard recently that adverse experiences are what makes us better humans. I completely agree with that.
And why would anyone hate you? Of course you miss him. No shame in that. Your issues are not trite one bit. You came to the right place .
I miss XAH and being married to him all the time. He has plenty of good in him, and can be very kind and sensitive. He always made me laugh. He was a decent father and very affectionate with DS, very sensitive to his needs.
It is the dark side that is a deal breaker. I don’t miss not knowing, fearing for my and my sons health and safety, and his rage.
It will get easier. I have heard recently that adverse experiences are what makes us better humans. I completely agree with that.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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I have to say I have never thought that, not at all. I think the situation you were in was very complicated.
You have been doing so much emotional work the past few weeks, as I mentioned in your other thread, time for a break from pod casts and reading about codependency perhaps? Focus more on your healing.
You know, you are actually ok just as you are, nothing "wrong" with you. There are a few things you want to change in yourself so you are more aware and to add some tools for your own emotional well-being. That doesn't take away from being a good human being.
We are hear to listen. You want to talk about him, talk about him, you want to hear what others have to say about certain things that went on, post away, there is a lot of wisdom here.
You have been doing so much emotional work the past few weeks, as I mentioned in your other thread, time for a break from pod casts and reading about codependency perhaps? Focus more on your healing.
You know, you are actually ok just as you are, nothing "wrong" with you. There are a few things you want to change in yourself so you are more aware and to add some tools for your own emotional well-being. That doesn't take away from being a good human being.
We are hear to listen. You want to talk about him, talk about him, you want to hear what others have to say about certain things that went on, post away, there is a lot of wisdom here.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello glenjo,
Happy Birthday--even though I know you don't feel like celebrating.
Crying can be very cleansing...I still cry over the loss of my husband sometimes and I probably always will. He died nearly 3 years ago now. If he thought about losing his late wife, he would still cry sometimes even at 10 years later.
I've learned that grief is something that can't be short-circuited, can't be rushed. It takes what it takes...and sometimes I just had to let myself cry so hard that I would sit on the floor of my shower with the water mixing with my tears.
Then you get up, get dressed, watch some mindless TV (recommend Peppa Pig
). And wake up the next day to feel that my grief was perhaps, just a bit less intense--just a bit.
Hang in there!
Happy Birthday--even though I know you don't feel like celebrating.
Crying can be very cleansing...I still cry over the loss of my husband sometimes and I probably always will. He died nearly 3 years ago now. If he thought about losing his late wife, he would still cry sometimes even at 10 years later.
I've learned that grief is something that can't be short-circuited, can't be rushed. It takes what it takes...and sometimes I just had to let myself cry so hard that I would sit on the floor of my shower with the water mixing with my tears.
Then you get up, get dressed, watch some mindless TV (recommend Peppa Pig
). And wake up the next day to feel that my grief was perhaps, just a bit less intense--just a bit.Hang in there!
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Originally Posted by Seren 
Hello glenjo,
Happy Birthday--even though I know you don't feel like celebrating.
Crying can be very cleansing...I still cry over the loss of my husband sometimes and I probably always will. He died nearly 3 years ago now. If he thought about losing his late wife, he would still cry sometimes even at 10 years later.
I've learned that grief is something that can't be short-circuited, can't be rushed. It takes what it takes...and sometimes I just had to let myself cry so hard that I would sit on the floor of my shower with the water mixing with my tears.
Then you get up, get dressed, watch some mindless TV (recommend Peppa Pig ). And wake up the next day to feel that my grief was perhaps, just a bit less intense--just a bit.
Hang in there!
Happy Birthday--even though I know you don't feel like celebrating.
Crying can be very cleansing...I still cry over the loss of my husband sometimes and I probably always will. He died nearly 3 years ago now. If he thought about losing his late wife, he would still cry sometimes even at 10 years later.
I've learned that grief is something that can't be short-circuited, can't be rushed. It takes what it takes...and sometimes I just had to let myself cry so hard that I would sit on the floor of my shower with the water mixing with my tears.
Then you get up, get dressed, watch some mindless TV (recommend Peppa Pig
). And wake up the next day to feel that my grief was perhaps, just a bit less intense--just a bit.Hang in there!
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, Glenjo....
It's Labor Day, and I hope you have the day off from work! Do you have any fun plans with friends today? I know you may not feel like it, but a cookout with friends might be a nice distraction!!
It's Labor Day, and I hope you have the day off from work! Do you have any fun plans with friends today? I know you may not feel like it, but a cookout with friends might be a nice distraction!!
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Originally Posted by Seren
Good morning, Glenjo....
It's Labor Day, and I hope you have the day off from work! Do you have any fun plans with friends today? I know you may not feel like it, but a cookout with friends might be a nice distraction!!
It's Labor Day, and I hope you have the day off from work! Do you have any fun plans with friends today? I know you may not feel like it, but a cookout with friends might be a nice distraction!!
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Location: OKC OK
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Happy Birthday!!!
I will tell you the very first thing I learned in therapy when I was in my early 20's. Yes, other people probably have problems that are "worse" than yours but that does not mean your issues aren't important. *hugs*
I will tell you the very first thing I learned in therapy when I was in my early 20's. Yes, other people probably have problems that are "worse" than yours but that does not mean your issues aren't important. *hugs*
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Originally Posted by alwayscovering
Happy Birthday!!!
I will tell you the very first thing I learned in therapy when I was in my early 20's. Yes, other people probably have problems that are "worse" than yours but that does not mean your issues aren't important. *hugs*
I will tell you the very first thing I learned in therapy when I was in my early 20's. Yes, other people probably have problems that are "worse" than yours but that does not mean your issues aren't important. *hugs*
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I actually enjoy your posts Glen - you've given me a lot to reflect back on & think about in order to form my responses.
All these years into recovery & I still benefit from someone new asking the same old question but in a new way. When that member is also flexible in their mindset & open to listening - well, that's why I stick around here, that's a worthwhile conversation & I tend to grow a bit myself. Win/win.
Don't think of recovery as something you ever finish or do "right" - I still Baby Step every single day. I still fall down regularly, I still struggle with triggers (new & old) & continuing to peel apart layers of my FOO struggles.
Recovery isn't about never falling down - it's about getting back up. It's not about NEVER losing your balance, it's about getting better at recognizing when you struggle, catching it as quickly as possible & setting yourself straight again. Learning the art of Rebalancing.
I WAS You Glen, so many years ago. I hear a lot of my old kind of worries in your posts because in the beginning even overwhelming was too small of a word to describe this process. I kept trying to make it all fit into a Balance Sheet - if this/then that - but Life & People aren't numbers & formulas.
While there are amazing similarities in our experiences, the differences require us to walk our paths separately & independently just when we feel like we need someone to hold our hand more than ever before.
Here's the thing about perspective: You are sitting in the middle of the chaos, trying to find your way out of the labyrinth while dealing with all the little nasty surprises that keep popping up along the way. We, the People of SR
have the benefit of being in an air rescue helicopter, hovering above you & our view is a lot clearer. None of that changes what you see from where you stand, you still have to slay those dragons in your path & ultimately every decision is yours no matter how loudly we yell directions from that helicopter....
It gets better. Hang in here with us, you can DO THIS.
All these years into recovery & I still benefit from someone new asking the same old question but in a new way. When that member is also flexible in their mindset & open to listening - well, that's why I stick around here, that's a worthwhile conversation & I tend to grow a bit myself. Win/win.
Don't think of recovery as something you ever finish or do "right" - I still Baby Step every single day. I still fall down regularly, I still struggle with triggers (new & old) & continuing to peel apart layers of my FOO struggles.
Recovery isn't about never falling down - it's about getting back up. It's not about NEVER losing your balance, it's about getting better at recognizing when you struggle, catching it as quickly as possible & setting yourself straight again. Learning the art of Rebalancing.
I WAS You Glen, so many years ago. I hear a lot of my old kind of worries in your posts because in the beginning even overwhelming was too small of a word to describe this process. I kept trying to make it all fit into a Balance Sheet - if this/then that - but Life & People aren't numbers & formulas.
While there are amazing similarities in our experiences, the differences require us to walk our paths separately & independently just when we feel like we need someone to hold our hand more than ever before.
Here's the thing about perspective: You are sitting in the middle of the chaos, trying to find your way out of the labyrinth while dealing with all the little nasty surprises that keep popping up along the way. We, the People of SR
have the benefit of being in an air rescue helicopter, hovering above you & our view is a lot clearer. None of that changes what you see from where you stand, you still have to slay those dragons in your path & ultimately every decision is yours no matter how loudly we yell directions from that helicopter....It gets better. Hang in here with us, you can DO THIS.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Here's the thing about perspective: You are sitting in the middle of the chaos, trying to find your way out of the labyrinth while dealing with all the little nasty surprises that keep popping up along the way. We, the People of SR have the benefit of being in an air rescue helicopter, hovering above you & our view is a lot clearer. None of that changes what you see from where you stand, you still have to slay those dragons in your path & ultimately every decision is yours no matter how loudly we yell directions from that helicopter....
It gets better. Hang in here with us, you can DO THIS.[/QUOTE]
Thanks firesprite. That has the be one of the best explanations of where I am ever and how this online forum is in relation to my recovery. I like the idea of having an in air rescue helicoper over me going through this, kind of comforting, all the while knowing I must slay my own dragons!
I'm trying to ease off the pedal a little, not beat myself up for not reading or podcasting,or journaling, realised obsessing about them or anything else is avoidance! Stops me from feeling my feelings. God this codependency is sneaky! (That's what I was doing). The feelings are hard, just below surface I feel like jelly. I'll keep on keeping on. Relaxing a bit more, has it's benefits as well as it's lessons.
Oh and no birthday message from him. Says a lot I guess.
Thanks again.
have the benefit of being in an air rescue helicopter, hovering above you & our view is a lot clearer. None of that changes what you see from where you stand, you still have to slay those dragons in your path & ultimately every decision is yours no matter how loudly we yell directions from that helicopter....It gets better. Hang in here with us, you can DO THIS.
[/QUOTE]Thanks firesprite. That has the be one of the best explanations of where I am ever and how this online forum is in relation to my recovery. I like the idea of having an in air rescue helicoper over me going through this, kind of comforting, all the while knowing I must slay my own dragons!
I'm trying to ease off the pedal a little, not beat myself up for not reading or podcasting,or journaling, realised obsessing about them or anything else is avoidance! Stops me from feeling my feelings. God this codependency is sneaky! (That's what I was doing). The feelings are hard, just below surface I feel like jelly. I'll keep on keeping on. Relaxing a bit more, has it's benefits as well as it's lessons.
Oh and no birthday message from him. Says a lot I guess.
Thanks again.
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