The 7 year itch
Do your best
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
The 7 year itch
When i first got into sobriety/recovery as i neared the 9 month milestone i remember being warned that for some reason there are quite a few relapses around this time - so i went extra vigilant at that time to ensure i matained my recovery and new shoot of life that was growing before my very eyes. I got through it and to cut a long story short i was also warned about the 5 year itch which i too went extra vigilant to again maintain and ensure my sobriety/recovery. Now that im a tiny bit over 5 years i remember a friend i wont say his name or his recovery time but it was painful and hard to watch it unfold while trying to talk them out of it.
I hear there is a 7 year itch and il make sure i maintain and ensure my recovery there too but i guess the point of this thread is me saying - Never give up always keep trying youl suceed in the end
I hear there is a 7 year itch and il make sure i maintain and ensure my recovery there too but i guess the point of this thread is me saying - Never give up always keep trying youl suceed in the end
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 182
I can't even fathom 9 months, 5 years, etc. I hope to be there one day. The one day at a time is really working for me, and making it manageable. My twenties have been marred with abuse and torment (a lot of my own making); I want to cross my 30th year sober as all hell and embrace this new life. 4 months until then, one day at a time it is.
Thank you for the reminder!
Thank you for the reminder!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
I don't believe there are "itches" related to different durations of sober time.
I think any "itch" is more a symptom of general complacency.
Continually and consistency working your program, whatever that is for you, is the best way to avoid any setbacks.
I think any "itch" is more a symptom of general complacency.
Continually and consistency working your program, whatever that is for you, is the best way to avoid any setbacks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
In conversations with long-time sober alcoholics, e.g. my sponsor (30 years sober), recovery never ends. Sobriety, and staying sober is a journey, not a destination. There is no crossing the goal line, or scoring the goal.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by Horn95 
In conversations with long-time sober alcoholics, e.g. my sponsor (30 years sober), recovery never ends. Sobriety, and staying sober is a journey, not a destination. There is no crossing the goal line, or scoring the goal.
Opinions, like the people who have them , can and do sometimes change
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Always good to see you on SR Soberwolf and congratulations on 5 years (and a tiny bit!)
I hope one mentiined a 3 year and eight month itch as I noticed I have reached that not very significant milestone today.
We all that our AV is the beast that cannot be killed but for those of you starting out the good news is that it does get a lot easier over time, I don't think anyone would be able to quit if it didn't. That at least has been my experience.
I hope one mentiined a 3 year and eight month itch as I noticed I have reached that not very significant milestone today.
We all that our AV is the beast that cannot be killed but for those of you starting out the good news is that it does get a lot easier over time, I don't think anyone would be able to quit if it didn't. That at least has been my experience.
Do your best
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Bumping this .. of course I am
Be pro active in recovery use your sober muscles increase slowly like weightlifting little makes a lot and all that
I will never fall or get complacent I'm not itchy either silly term I heard a lot well hope this helps someone somewhere x
Be pro active in recovery use your sober muscles increase slowly like weightlifting little makes a lot and all that
I will never fall or get complacent I'm not itchy either silly term I heard a lot well hope this helps someone somewhere x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Thank you for bumping. I needed to read this today. Not because I am thinking of taking a drink. I am not. But I need to be reminded , especially at this time of year, to stay vigilant. Alcohol is a cunning foe. I am never "cured". I have a daily reprieve contingent on me working my programme to the best of my ability and beig in fit spiritual condition *this applies to me and my recovery*.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Originally Posted by Horn95
In conversations with long-time sober alcoholics, e.g. my sponsor (30 years sober), recovery never ends. Sobriety, and staying sober is a journey, not a destination. There is no crossing the goal line, or scoring the goal.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Thanks for this.
When I was in my early 20s there was this fabulous neighbor across the street. She hired me to clean her house, and I was friendly with her son. She was much older than me, and I thought she was very interesting and very cool. She was in recovery. Her son told me horror stories about how she used to chase her kids with the vacuum cleaner while blacked out. When I knew her, she was charming, interesting, smart, successful, and a creative and skilled cook whose brain I picked whenever given the chance.
I didn’t see her for years after I moved away, and when I was in my early 30s I dropped by a dinner party at her house. I was secretly drinking alcoholically at that point but not in dire shape yet. She was drinking wine. I was shocked and asked her about it. Curtly she responded that she was fine and that was that.
She died several years later, of congestive heart failure. I don’t know if drinking contributed to it but it was sad to me that she went downhill so fast, and our last interaction was so tense.
I’m grateful for her presence in my life, and what her experience showed me. Thanks for the reminder.
When I was in my early 20s there was this fabulous neighbor across the street. She hired me to clean her house, and I was friendly with her son. She was much older than me, and I thought she was very interesting and very cool. She was in recovery. Her son told me horror stories about how she used to chase her kids with the vacuum cleaner while blacked out. When I knew her, she was charming, interesting, smart, successful, and a creative and skilled cook whose brain I picked whenever given the chance.
I didn’t see her for years after I moved away, and when I was in my early 30s I dropped by a dinner party at her house. I was secretly drinking alcoholically at that point but not in dire shape yet. She was drinking wine. I was shocked and asked her about it. Curtly she responded that she was fine and that was that.
She died several years later, of congestive heart failure. I don’t know if drinking contributed to it but it was sad to me that she went downhill so fast, and our last interaction was so tense.
I’m grateful for her presence in my life, and what her experience showed me. Thanks for the reminder.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Originally Posted by bexxed
Thanks for this.
When I was in my early 20s there was this fabulous neighbor across the street. She hired me to clean her house, and I was friendly with her son. She was much older than me, and I thought she was very interesting and very cool. She was in recovery. Her son told me horror stories about how she used to chase her kids with the vacuum cleaner while blacked out. When I knew her, she was charming, interesting, smart, successful, and a creative and skilled cook whose brain I picked whenever given the chance.
I didn’t see her for years after I moved away, and when I was in my early 30s I dropped by a dinner party at her house. I was secretly drinking alcoholically at that point but not in dire shape yet. She was drinking wine. I was shocked and asked her about it. Curtly she responded that she was fine and that was that.
She died several years later, of congestive heart failure. I don’t know if drinking contributed to it but it was sad to me that she went downhill so fast, and our last interaction was so tense.
I’m grateful for her presence in my life, and what her experience showed me. Thanks for the reminder.
When I was in my early 20s there was this fabulous neighbor across the street. She hired me to clean her house, and I was friendly with her son. She was much older than me, and I thought she was very interesting and very cool. She was in recovery. Her son told me horror stories about how she used to chase her kids with the vacuum cleaner while blacked out. When I knew her, she was charming, interesting, smart, successful, and a creative and skilled cook whose brain I picked whenever given the chance.
I didn’t see her for years after I moved away, and when I was in my early 30s I dropped by a dinner party at her house. I was secretly drinking alcoholically at that point but not in dire shape yet. She was drinking wine. I was shocked and asked her about it. Curtly she responded that she was fine and that was that.
She died several years later, of congestive heart failure. I don’t know if drinking contributed to it but it was sad to me that she went downhill so fast, and our last interaction was so tense.
I’m grateful for her presence in my life, and what her experience showed me. Thanks for the reminder.
Reminds me of the dismal success rate for alcoholics in recovery because after a few years we tend to "Rest on our Laurels".
Laurels are our past successes/ accomplishments
Meetings - we stop going
Sponsor - we stop calling
Steps - we stop living by their principles
Service - we stop trying to be of maximum service/ help others
Higher Power - we stop seeking His will for us
We take 1 drink and that leads to a drunk!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
I am three weeks away from four years of sobriety and I truly feel approaching recovery through a lens of making healthy physical and emotional choices is why I am here. I am active in my recovery. I read and post here daily. I find time for walks almost every day, usually outdoor. and I work really hard at remaining in the present moment. Mindfulness may have been the greatest contributor to my recovery.
I agree with everyone above who said complacency is the thing to be very cautious of.
I agree with everyone above who said complacency is the thing to be very cautious of.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
My app says 1 year smoke free, it must be metric, because I am sure it is the 16th...
In quitting smoking they call them the icky threes, 3 months, 6 months, 9 etc., that you will find cravings sneaking back. Of course this becomes a chicken or the egg conversation because would I feel those things, if I didn't read about the icky threes.
So, is there a 7 year itch? I think there is a progression in recovery, relationships etc., that certain things happen at certain predictable times. There is also manipulation of numbers to encourage behaviour. So is it an absolute, of course not, absolutes do not exist, is there a probability, potentially. Is it a manipulative statistic because at the 7 year mark AA or SMART or whomever needs those people to return as successful participants to further their reach and scope, who know, probably not, I don't believe most recovery programs have any nepharious intents. However we have seen it in religion and health.
At the end of the day, thoughts and feelings are just that, invisible battles. We've already won the most important one, in putting down the alcohol or drug, we can be resilient against this one, if we tell ourselves we can.
In quitting smoking they call them the icky threes, 3 months, 6 months, 9 etc., that you will find cravings sneaking back. Of course this becomes a chicken or the egg conversation because would I feel those things, if I didn't read about the icky threes.
So, is there a 7 year itch? I think there is a progression in recovery, relationships etc., that certain things happen at certain predictable times. There is also manipulation of numbers to encourage behaviour. So is it an absolute, of course not, absolutes do not exist, is there a probability, potentially. Is it a manipulative statistic because at the 7 year mark AA or SMART or whomever needs those people to return as successful participants to further their reach and scope, who know, probably not, I don't believe most recovery programs have any nepharious intents. However we have seen it in religion and health.
At the end of the day, thoughts and feelings are just that, invisible battles. We've already won the most important one, in putting down the alcohol or drug, we can be resilient against this one, if we tell ourselves we can.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
I don't know about an itch, but I get a tickle once in a while. I'll be six years later this month. The tickle I'm describing is basically the voice trying to tell me I wasn't so bad off and it's been a long time and I'm recovered and could drink or use in moderation if I decided to have a beer or a glass of wine. But meditation has taught me that I am not my thoughts, and that I can allow thoughts to happen and just sit here and do nothing about it. I don't have to act on thoughts or feelings. And then I remember all the reasons I love being sober - feel better, healthier, loving mornings, more disciplined, having tons of fun without it, feeling good about myself, increasing in wisdom, can drive anywhere at any time, increased respect from others, from myself, the money I save and can spend on better things and experiences...the list goes on. So, tickle me silly, and I'll just sit there. I've learned to itch, even, and not feel a need to scratch. It's just old wiring trying to gain my attention. No big whoop. Not listening can be a skill, too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,632
I am coming up on 7 years this Jan (wow how did that happen so quickly!)
Rarely I get the voice, but it’s what you choose to do next that makes the difference. These days it’s automatic for me to double down on my recovery instead of taking a drink - I think those are the recovery muscles activating I agree that recovery is a practice.
Figuring out what the urge ‘is really about’ helped me get to Day 2, and still works for me now
I’m glad that you have fond memories of your neighbor - I’m sure remembering her sober is how she would like to be remembered.
Rarely I get the voice, but it’s what you choose to do next that makes the difference. These days it’s automatic for me to double down on my recovery instead of taking a drink - I think those are the recovery muscles activating
I agree that recovery is a practice. Figuring out what the urge ‘is really about’ helped me get to Day 2, and still works for me now
I’m glad that you have fond memories of your neighbor - I’m sure remembering her sober is how she would like to be remembered.
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