Step 1 and sponsorship
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Step 1 and sponsorship
I'm feeling like I have something wonderful happening inside of me!
It has taken me a full year, since reading Step 1, to actually take Step1. I don't know if this is normal? It seems like a long time but, because of that, it means so much to me. Understanding the difference between understanding a concept on an intellectual level and then understanding what than means in relation to my life, relationships and future.
I think the main shift has been realising that I have two settings:
1) I drink. Dangerously, excessively, to blackout, for days. Every. Single. Time. No exceptions. No moderation. No social aspect. Just oblivion.
2) I abstain. I have control. I meet my repsonsibilties and commitments. I am a good wife, friend, colleague. I feel SAFE. I connect with God.
That realisation was so important for me and has taken so long. These are my two choices. Everytime I think about drinking, these are the only two choices I have. There is nothing else. That is my acceptance of my powerlessness once I have that first drink.
Then unmanageability. So many aspects of my life become unmanagable. I always saw this as 'not me', as I had a job, marriage etc etc but that is not what this means at all for me. It's all the small things that matter, that I don't manage when drinking. Taking care of my home and my health, taking my medication. Looking after my emotional health. Spending time with my husband. Recognising the needs of my husband. Being available to the people I love, Being available to the clients and colleagues I work with/for. The list goes on and on.
One of the biggestest realisations for me is understanding my powerless over other people, situations, attitudes and other's choices. So much of my drinking has been about control, trying to feel safe and manging my feelings. What a beautiful thing to begin to let that go and understand that this is just an illusion in my mind.
It feels so good to write this (sorry about the length!) and thank you for reading. Rachel xx
It has taken me a full year, since reading Step 1, to actually take Step1. I don't know if this is normal? It seems like a long time but, because of that, it means so much to me. Understanding the difference between understanding a concept on an intellectual level and then understanding what than means in relation to my life, relationships and future.
I think the main shift has been realising that I have two settings:
1) I drink. Dangerously, excessively, to blackout, for days. Every. Single. Time. No exceptions. No moderation. No social aspect. Just oblivion.
2) I abstain. I have control. I meet my repsonsibilties and commitments. I am a good wife, friend, colleague. I feel SAFE. I connect with God.
That realisation was so important for me and has taken so long. These are my two choices. Everytime I think about drinking, these are the only two choices I have. There is nothing else. That is my acceptance of my powerlessness once I have that first drink.
Then unmanageability. So many aspects of my life become unmanagable. I always saw this as 'not me', as I had a job, marriage etc etc but that is not what this means at all for me. It's all the small things that matter, that I don't manage when drinking. Taking care of my home and my health, taking my medication. Looking after my emotional health. Spending time with my husband. Recognising the needs of my husband. Being available to the people I love, Being available to the clients and colleagues I work with/for. The list goes on and on.
One of the biggestest realisations for me is understanding my powerless over other people, situations, attitudes and other's choices. So much of my drinking has been about control, trying to feel safe and manging my feelings. What a beautiful thing to begin to let that go and understand that this is just an illusion in my mind.
It feels so good to write this (sorry about the length!) and thank you for reading. Rachel xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Thanks for sharing, I love reading posts like this!! It makes my heart smile!!
I've been in the program for a while but I always love it when I hit a new plateau like you experienced.. Keep up the good work, It just keeps getting better! Really a beautiful thing!
I've been in the program for a while but I always love it when I hit a new plateau like you experienced.. Keep up the good work, It just keeps getting better! Really a beautiful thing!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Gabe, glad to see you so positive but, because it is so important, I have to let you know that you have only part of step one.
Being powerless after the first drink is fine as far as it goes but there is something the big book and Silkworth wanted to drive home about this. Basically, if that is all it is, the solution is simply to not take the first drink. You wouldn't need God or AA or steps or anything. You just simply chooses not to take the first drink and that's an end to your problem.
Where this really bites is that an end to your problem means the end of any compelling need for a deeper solution. And if that happens, experience shows sobriety will be fleeting at best.
Step one is the energy driving action on the rest of the program. A step one experience is the powerful realisation that we are powerless over the first drink too. For reasons yet obscure most alcoholics have lost the power of choice in drink. What that means is that at certain times we will have no effective defence. We have a total inability to leave it alone no matter how great the wish. There is a total failure of the kind of defence that prevents one putting ones hand on a hot stove. The book is so emphatic on this point.
So my step one experience was the realisation that it was inevitable that I would take the fatal first drink due to a problem in the mind, and because of my abnormal reaction, I would destroy myself in the process. It was only a matter of time, and the only mystery about it was when? No one can answer that. Tomorrow? Next week? As long as I took no action, it was going to happen. The powerlessness is in play before the first drink.
Knowing deep down the inevitability and the prognosis was the driver behind my being willing to go to any lengths. I believe anyone who really understands step one, will have the rest of the steps done yesterday.
Please have a good read of the doctors opinion and More about Alcoholism to fill in the picture.
Being powerless after the first drink is fine as far as it goes but there is something the big book and Silkworth wanted to drive home about this. Basically, if that is all it is, the solution is simply to not take the first drink. You wouldn't need God or AA or steps or anything. You just simply chooses not to take the first drink and that's an end to your problem.
Where this really bites is that an end to your problem means the end of any compelling need for a deeper solution. And if that happens, experience shows sobriety will be fleeting at best.
Step one is the energy driving action on the rest of the program. A step one experience is the powerful realisation that we are powerless over the first drink too. For reasons yet obscure most alcoholics have lost the power of choice in drink. What that means is that at certain times we will have no effective defence. We have a total inability to leave it alone no matter how great the wish. There is a total failure of the kind of defence that prevents one putting ones hand on a hot stove. The book is so emphatic on this point.
So my step one experience was the realisation that it was inevitable that I would take the fatal first drink due to a problem in the mind, and because of my abnormal reaction, I would destroy myself in the process. It was only a matter of time, and the only mystery about it was when? No one can answer that. Tomorrow? Next week? As long as I took no action, it was going to happen. The powerlessness is in play before the first drink.
Knowing deep down the inevitability and the prognosis was the driver behind my being willing to go to any lengths. I believe anyone who really understands step one, will have the rest of the steps done yesterday.
Please have a good read of the doctors opinion and More about Alcoholism to fill in the picture.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Hi Everyone,
Apologies, for being brief. I'm working away today and having to do this quickly from my phone.
Thank you so much for everyone's responses. It really good to be able to share how much my perspective is changing and the hope I feel.
I have doing online meetings, as well as face to face meeting. I decided to ask one of the online sponsors and we are going to meet by video chat. She sounds very experienced and focused, which is right up my street. I want to learn. The f to f meetings have been great, just to hear others stories and be part of a community. It feels like an expression of my intent just now. There aren't any step work or newcomer meetings, so I think a combination of online and f to f may work best. I'm excited about it. I've felt stuck for so long.
Mike - I've read what you wrote several times and actually experienced a bit of that last night. Gone from feeling absolutely certain to condsidering drinking in the blink of an eye. It only took someone I hadn't met saying she looked forward to having a drink with me sometime. It's like a type of insanity. I think that's it? A madness takes over. I need to read a lot more but I understand the steps are about treating the person not just the drinking. I'm going to come back to you on that one!
Thanks again. Love Rachel
Apologies, for being brief. I'm working away today and having to do this quickly from my phone.
Thank you so much for everyone's responses. It really good to be able to share how much my perspective is changing and the hope I feel.
I have doing online meetings, as well as face to face meeting. I decided to ask one of the online sponsors and we are going to meet by video chat. She sounds very experienced and focused, which is right up my street. I want to learn. The f to f meetings have been great, just to hear others stories and be part of a community. It feels like an expression of my intent just now. There aren't any step work or newcomer meetings, so I think a combination of online and f to f may work best. I'm excited about it. I've felt stuck for so long.
Mike - I've read what you wrote several times and actually experienced a bit of that last night. Gone from feeling absolutely certain to condsidering drinking in the blink of an eye. It only took someone I hadn't met saying she looked forward to having a drink with me sometime. It's like a type of insanity. I think that's it? A madness takes over. I need to read a lot more but I understand the steps are about treating the person not just the drinking. I'm going to come back to you on that one!
Thanks again. Love Rachel
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
I recently listened to a Step 1 talk on youtube. Mike above explained it really well. I thought I'd add some stuff I remember hearing.
Step one has two parts, separated by a dash.
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”.
Step 1, Part 1: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-"
Once it's in me, I cannot control the amount I take. This will be a forever thing. I will never be cured of this physical allergy. The Dr.'s Opinion explains this very well, as do other parts of the book.
I finally admit that I am powerless over alcohol. No amount of will power works.
Step 1, Part 2: "-that our lives had become unmanageable.”. Our lives were unmanageable when we were drinking. Our lives were still unmanageable when we were abstinent from drinking. Then we do the remaining steps. We'll have a complete transformation and a new design for living. Life becomes manageable.
Step 1 is the only step that uses the word "alcohol". The other 11 steps are not even about alcohol. Step 1 is the problem. Steps 2-12 are the solution. We have a common problem and a common solution.
Step 1 encompasses a lot of the big book text. It starts at the title page, includes the Doctor's Opinion, and ends at page 43. That's a lot of pages for us to finally admit we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable.
Step one has two parts, separated by a dash.
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”.
Step 1, Part 1: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-"
Once it's in me, I cannot control the amount I take. This will be a forever thing. I will never be cured of this physical allergy. The Dr.'s Opinion explains this very well, as do other parts of the book.
I finally admit that I am powerless over alcohol. No amount of will power works.
Step 1, Part 2: "-that our lives had become unmanageable.”. Our lives were unmanageable when we were drinking. Our lives were still unmanageable when we were abstinent from drinking. Then we do the remaining steps. We'll have a complete transformation and a new design for living. Life becomes manageable.
Step 1 is the only step that uses the word "alcohol". The other 11 steps are not even about alcohol. Step 1 is the problem. Steps 2-12 are the solution. We have a common problem and a common solution.
Step 1 encompasses a lot of the big book text. It starts at the title page, includes the Doctor's Opinion, and ends at page 43. That's a lot of pages for us to finally admit we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable.
Self Discoverer
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: OH
Posts: 7
Great comments! I'm at 27 months sober and in some ways just recently completely accepted and understood Step 1, Part 1. Step 1, Part 2 is what got me into the program.
I'm eternally grateful the continued growth I keep experiencing in this program. Much love!
I'm eternally grateful the continued growth I keep experiencing in this program. Much love!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree 
I recently listened to a Step 1 talk on youtube. Mike above explained it really well. I thought I'd add some stuff I remember hearing.
Step one has two parts, separated by a dash.
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”.
Step 1, Part 1: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-"
Once it's in me, I cannot control the amount I take. This will be a forever thing. I will never be cured of this physical allergy. The Dr.'s Opinion explains this very well, as do other parts of the book.
I finally admit that I am powerless over alcohol. No amount of will power works.
Step 1, Part 2: "-that our lives had become unmanageable.”. Our lives were unmanageable when we were drinking. Our lives were still unmanageable when we were abstinent from drinking. Then we do the remaining steps. We'll have a complete transformation and a new design for living. Life becomes manageable.
Step 1 is the only step that uses the word "alcohol". The other 11 steps are not even about alcohol. Step 1 is the problem. Steps 2-12 are the solution. We have a common problem and a common solution.
Step 1 encompasses a lot of the big book text. It starts at the title page, includes the Doctor's Opinion, and ends at page 43. That's a lot of pages for us to finally admit we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable.
Step one has two parts, separated by a dash.
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”.
Step 1, Part 1: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-"
Once it's in me, I cannot control the amount I take. This will be a forever thing. I will never be cured of this physical allergy. The Dr.'s Opinion explains this very well, as do other parts of the book.
I finally admit that I am powerless over alcohol. No amount of will power works.
Step 1, Part 2: "-that our lives had become unmanageable.”. Our lives were unmanageable when we were drinking. Our lives were still unmanageable when we were abstinent from drinking. Then we do the remaining steps. We'll have a complete transformation and a new design for living. Life becomes manageable.
Step 1 is the only step that uses the word "alcohol". The other 11 steps are not even about alcohol. Step 1 is the problem. Steps 2-12 are the solution. We have a common problem and a common solution.
Step 1 encompasses a lot of the big book text. It starts at the title page, includes the Doctor's Opinion, and ends at page 43. That's a lot of pages for us to finally admit we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable.
Thank you Path, breaking things down like this really makes me realise the work I have been doing but also still need to do in taking Step 1.
Our lives were still unmanageable when we were abstinent from drinking. Then we do the remaining steps. We'll have a complete transformation and a new design for living. Life becomes manageable.
This part above is the realisation I haven't reached. That even when abstinent my life is stil unmangable because of a maladative way of thinking.
I remember reading Step 1 a year ago and thinking 'easy!', no problems covering the first 3 Steps, cause I'm so clever I just 'get it!'
There is a lot of work in reaching a position of acceptance and realising the true nature of my addiciton. Removing the cloak of secrecy and the denial that is so entrenched in my thinking.I'm kinda looking forward to the work. To focus on the Steps and to nurture faith that by following this path I really will be free. Rachel x
I start working from the beginning of the BB, with my Sponsor, on Monday (hopefully). I'm really looking forward to it x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by ScottDr
Great comments! I'm at 27 months sober and in some ways just recently completely accepted and understood Step 1, Part 1. Step 1, Part 2 is what got me into the program.
I'm eternally grateful the continued growth I keep experiencing in this program. Much love!
I'm eternally grateful the continued growth I keep experiencing in this program. Much love!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
I used to think that I was only powerless once I had taken that 1st drink. That once that drink was inside me I had zero control and alcolol was my master. Which is true but.....
What I didn't get what that I was powerless over taking that 1st drink. I had no mental defence to stop me picking up whatsoever. Alcohol was my master and was controlling me before I had even taken one sip of that fateful 1st drink.
Now I am not powerless. I have tools. My Higher Power. My sponsor. The fellowship of AA. The programme of action of AA. Meetings. Other alcoholics I can call. SoberRecovery. I now have a defence against that 1st drink and as long as I do not pick up that 1st drink, I can not get drunk and I can work on the remaining steps so that I need never drink again.
You sound like you are doing great and I found your post to be very insightful and inspirational. Thank you for sharing and keep coming back. It works if you work it!!!!
What I didn't get what that I was powerless over taking that 1st drink. I had no mental defence to stop me picking up whatsoever. Alcohol was my master and was controlling me before I had even taken one sip of that fateful 1st drink.
Now I am not powerless. I have tools. My Higher Power. My sponsor. The fellowship of AA. The programme of action of AA. Meetings. Other alcoholics I can call. SoberRecovery. I now have a defence against that 1st drink and as long as I do not pick up that 1st drink, I can not get drunk and I can work on the remaining steps so that I need never drink again.
You sound like you are doing great and I found your post to be very insightful and inspirational. Thank you for sharing and keep coming back. It works if you work it!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Gabe, glad to see you so positive but, because it is so important, I have to let you know that you have only part of step one.
Being powerless after the first drink is fine as far as it goes but there is something the big book and Silkworth wanted to drive home about this. Basically, if that is all it is, the solution is simply to not take the first drink. You wouldn't need God or AA or steps or anything. You just simply chooses not to take the first drink and that's an end to your problem.
Where this really bites is that an end to your problem means the end of any compelling need for a deeper solution. And if that happens, experience shows sobriety will be fleeting at best.
Step one is the energy driving action on the rest of the program. A step one experience is the powerful realisation that we are powerless over the first drink too. For reasons yet obscure most alcoholics have lost the power of choice in drink. What that means is that at certain times we will have no effective defence. We have a total inability to leave it alone no matter how great the wish. There is a total failure of the kind of defence that prevents one putting ones hand on a hot stove. The book is so emphatic on this point.
So my step one experience was the realisation that it was inevitable that I would take the fatal first drink due to a problem in the mind, and because of my abnormal reaction, I would destroy myself in the process. It was only a matter of time, and the only mystery about it was when? No one can answer that. Tomorrow? Next week? As long as I took no action, it was going to happen. The powerlessness is in play before the first drink.
Knowing deep down the inevitability and the prognosis was the driver behind my being willing to go to any lengths. I believe anyone who really understands step one, will have the rest of the steps done yesterday.
Please have a good read of the doctors opinion and More about Alcoholism to fill in the picture.
Being powerless after the first drink is fine as far as it goes but there is something the big book and Silkworth wanted to drive home about this. Basically, if that is all it is, the solution is simply to not take the first drink. You wouldn't need God or AA or steps or anything. You just simply chooses not to take the first drink and that's an end to your problem.
Where this really bites is that an end to your problem means the end of any compelling need for a deeper solution. And if that happens, experience shows sobriety will be fleeting at best.
Step one is the energy driving action on the rest of the program. A step one experience is the powerful realisation that we are powerless over the first drink too. For reasons yet obscure most alcoholics have lost the power of choice in drink. What that means is that at certain times we will have no effective defence. We have a total inability to leave it alone no matter how great the wish. There is a total failure of the kind of defence that prevents one putting ones hand on a hot stove. The book is so emphatic on this point.
So my step one experience was the realisation that it was inevitable that I would take the fatal first drink due to a problem in the mind, and because of my abnormal reaction, I would destroy myself in the process. It was only a matter of time, and the only mystery about it was when? No one can answer that. Tomorrow? Next week? As long as I took no action, it was going to happen. The powerlessness is in play before the first drink.
Knowing deep down the inevitability and the prognosis was the driver behind my being willing to go to any lengths. I believe anyone who really understands step one, will have the rest of the steps done yesterday.
Please have a good read of the doctors opinion and More about Alcoholism to fill in the picture.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Originally Posted by Gabe1980
Thanks Scott. I think Step 1 part 2 is what is what finally got me here too. Just realising how difficult it is to manage day to day life when drinking, and having enough runs of sober time to realise it doesn't have to be so hard. Congratulations on you 27 months.x
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Gabe1980
Thanks Scott. I think Step 1 part 2 is what is what finally got me here too. Just realising how difficult it is to manage day to day life when drinking, and having enough runs of sober time to realise it doesn't have to be so hard. Congratulations on you 27 months.x
Just a thought or two about the word "unmanageable."
Essentially, it means different things in each alcoholics experience. It may mean that you aren't that stereotypical homeless person drinking out of a brown paper bag, etc. it may not mean you have ever gotten a DUI, been to jail, lost a job, gotten divorced or....
But accepting what it DOES mean in your life is the thing. My husband is also in recovery and his definition and realization of the unmanageability of his life was very different than mine. For me, I finally quit when I HEARD the doctor who told me I had a year, eighteen months to live if I didn't quit. I was thirty nine. I had lost jobs, all my financial standing, didn't have a car, had numerous hospitalizations, destroyed or terribly damaged relatiO ships....and I had kept on drinking. My life was clearly unmanageable for a long time before I quit.
Learning how to indeed manage life is a gift of sobriety. It takes time and practice! You will hear the phrase progress not perfection and this is definitely an area where that applies.
Like I said in my earlier post, keep going!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Unmanageable seems to be taken to mean a number of different things like for example the inability to manage the decision to not take the first drink.
If we consider that step one is about identifying the problem and unmanageabilty is a broad summarising term, then we might find it fleshed out in other steps. I am thinking of page 52, the bedevilments, and page 62, the argument for appointing a new manager would both be quite good examples of unmanageability. The general suggestion is we haven't done too well in managing our lives ourselves.
We all get to compare our experience to see if it lines up, mine did, and the appointment of the new manager seems to be the main object of the rest of the steps as in a working realtionship with the new boss, which solves the over all problem.
If we consider that step one is about identifying the problem and unmanageabilty is a broad summarising term, then we might find it fleshed out in other steps. I am thinking of page 52, the bedevilments, and page 62, the argument for appointing a new manager would both be quite good examples of unmanageability. The general suggestion is we haven't done too well in managing our lives ourselves.
We all get to compare our experience to see if it lines up, mine did, and the appointment of the new manager seems to be the main object of the rest of the steps as in a working realtionship with the new boss, which solves the over all problem.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Gabe/Rachel, I really like your use of the term "madness".
That is a great way to describe alcoholism.
I agree with everyone on this thread that Step 1 is a 2-part step.
Sometimes coming to accept the unmanageability of our lives is more difficult that admitting that we are powerless over alcohol.
It sure sounds like you're doing well.
Congrats on getting on with your step work.
I would move on to Step 2 with your sponsor when she thinks you're ready.
I have heard that there is no fixed deadline for working any step, but, that if you drink, you missed the (unwritten) deadline.
That is a great way to describe alcoholism.
I agree with everyone on this thread that Step 1 is a 2-part step.
Sometimes coming to accept the unmanageability of our lives is more difficult that admitting that we are powerless over alcohol.
It sure sounds like you're doing well.
Congrats on getting on with your step work.
I would move on to Step 2 with your sponsor when she thinks you're ready.
I have heard that there is no fixed deadline for working any step, but, that if you drink, you missed the (unwritten) deadline.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
I have heard that there is no fixed deadline for working any step, but, that if you drink, you missed the (unwritten) deadline.
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