Highercall

I had some stress today caused by unhealthy family relationships and almost relapsed. The only reason I did not go to buy beer was I was desperate to go to the toilet!

Why do so called loved ones try to perpetuate someone's addiction by causing stress or winding them up?

Anyone had experience of this?

Anna

Sometimes you need to step away from people, even family members, at least for awhile to give yourself the space you need to recover.

I'm glad you got through it.

allishope73

Hi highercall... well done for staying strong ! Yes set up healthy boundaries . Even if sb pushes your buttons try not to react but act and reflect as when you see it is unconcious dynamic to push you towards self destruction ... you would not let that happen. And this will give you strenght. I like this word integrity . If you act with integrity nobody would be able to push your buttons because you know the truth and whats in your heart. I know it is difficult as we have days when not as mindful or tired but just practice. Sometimes best to ignore. As i say i d rather be happy than be right . Big hugs to you xD

doggonecarl

Stress is a reaction. Maybe you should rephrase your question to "Why would I perpetuate my addiction by getting stressed and wound up by my loved ones?"

Fearlessat50

That is awesome you got through it! I agree - give yourself some space. They may be trying to control you to keep you down or maybe they are projecting their own issues onto you. Whatever the case, think about what is best for you right now!

ScottFromWI

Stress is everywhere unfortunately Highercall, we cannot control that. We can control our reactions to it however. I'm glad you didn't drink but you likely need to develop some better coping mechanisms than hoping you have to go to the bathroom to avoid buying beer.

You've been given a lot of good advice about working on a plan for your recovery - that's exactly what they mean in a situation like this. Sometimes you also need to remove yourself from certain relationships for a while too when you first stop.

Mango212

Prayers are powerful. It also matters what we're praying for.

Short prayers can open me up to God's guidance.

Prayer: Help!

Prayer: Thank you.

Prayer: God/Mother Earth/Higher Power,

Please guide me in knowing you.

Gabe1980

Yep HC, I have experience! My family can be hard work sometimes. Entrenched denial and competitiveness run through our relationships and were a big trigger for me. I remember my dad offered me alcohol on three different occasions, at Christmas, despite my telling my parents that I had a problem with alcohol and had decided to stop drinking.....

I'm learning that we are all products of these family dynamics and I need to step outside these behaviours and make choices. I don't need to react and I don't need to be anything other than who I am. They chose to do what they do. I either agree or disagree. I don't need to become emotionally invested in their decisions/behaviours. It's taking a bit of practice but a change in my perspective is the only way I can manage my family relationships. They are not gonna change! Good luck xx

gypsytears

People don't cause relapses Highercall. We choose them on our own. Giving yourself some space and avoiding those which cause you to become stressed is a good idea as Anna suggested. There's always going to be stress though. Learning how to deal with it, no matter the cause, is part of recovery... of life.