miserable
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 309
miserable
son is in a treatment facility again. asked to go.
called about visiting hours and to let his one friend know since we can't visit. sounded completely miserable. only there for a few days so hoping it gets better.
called today to see if his friend is coming and i left him know that he wasn't sure if he could make it..... well, that didn't go over so well.
seriously. like what kind of a friend was he all this time anyway if he was drunk anyway.
wish there would not be a way for him to call. i literally can't stand hearing his voice. It is the number of the facility that calls so I don't know before I answer if it is a nurse, administrator or him- can't screen the call prior to answering.
called about visiting hours and to let his one friend know since we can't visit. sounded completely miserable. only there for a few days so hoping it gets better.
called today to see if his friend is coming and i left him know that he wasn't sure if he could make it..... well, that didn't go over so well.
seriously. like what kind of a friend was he all this time anyway if he was drunk anyway.
wish there would not be a way for him to call. i literally can't stand hearing his voice. It is the number of the facility that calls so I don't know before I answer if it is a nurse, administrator or him- can't screen the call prior to answering.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Mom,
I am sorry for what you are going through. If you have the option, let all calls go into voice mail and you can listen to them later or not at all. I know I used to let my addict have power over my moods also and he could suck the joy out of an auditorium.
Take your power back and let this young man own his own recovery. Hugs
I am sorry for what you are going through. If you have the option, let all calls go into voice mail and you can listen to them later or not at all. I know I used to let my addict have power over my moods also and he could suck the joy out of an auditorium.
Take your power back and let this young man own his own recovery. Hugs
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
wish there would not be a way for him to call.
you don't HAVE to answer. you can step back and let HIM own all of this. he is the one in treatment - again. you are outside and have a full life to live. one that is not tied to a phone, or fussing over who visits him. you are not his social secretary. or even his life coach. your his mom, but he is now an adult.
you don't HAVE to answer. you can step back and let HIM own all of this. he is the one in treatment - again. you are outside and have a full life to live. one that is not tied to a phone, or fussing over who visits him. you are not his social secretary. or even his life coach. your his mom, but he is now an adult.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hb, I'm sorry. I know this is not easy.
That said, don't answer. Whether it is him or an administrator, they can leave a message. You can ask someone else to check the message for you so you don't have to hear his voice.
Alternatively, you have every right to ask him to wait a week, or even better two weeks, before he calls again. He may not respect your wish, but then not answering right away may not feel so bad.
That said, don't answer. Whether it is him or an administrator, they can leave a message. You can ask someone else to check the message for you so you don't have to hear his voice.
Alternatively, you have every right to ask him to wait a week, or even better two weeks, before he calls again. He may not respect your wish, but then not answering right away may not feel so bad.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
I agree with everyone on this one - don't answer and screen the calls through voicemail. He is in a facility, so if there is an emergency situation for whatever reason, the proper actions will be taken and it's very unlikely that they will need any immediate response from you. If they do for some reason, they will indicate that in the message and you can respond immediately.
I'm not surprised he is miserable. Being in a treatment facility, depending on the quality/environment/culture, can be extremely miserable in the beginning; if he's serious about recovery, however, soon these external elements will become secondary to his getting better.
There is also the option of asking a staff member/administrator to prohibit him from calling you. Often these calls are supervised or, if they're not, staff can take measures to monitor who the patients are calling. If they feel that certain people are not appropriate to contact, they will not allow him to dial your number.
I wish you the best in this!!
I'm not surprised he is miserable. Being in a treatment facility, depending on the quality/environment/culture, can be extremely miserable in the beginning; if he's serious about recovery, however, soon these external elements will become secondary to his getting better.
There is also the option of asking a staff member/administrator to prohibit him from calling you. Often these calls are supervised or, if they're not, staff can take measures to monitor who the patients are calling. If they feel that certain people are not appropriate to contact, they will not allow him to dial your number.
I wish you the best in this!!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 309
Yes, it is a dual diagnosis facility. They have a few psychiatrists on staff.
I will do that and let it go to voice mail. The nurse there called me on Thursday after he arrived and told me she would call the following evening with an update. During our conversation she had asked me if I wanted to share anything with her that could be helpful- like just a brief past history. So I did that. I was awaiting her call on Friday evening because I had met with my counselor and she had a few suggestions for me to share as well. There was no call. Then the following day my son called to give me the email of his therapist to send some work paperwork to him for fmla. His next sentence was "Don't ask her anything about my treatment because she can't tell you."..
So, with that I am thinking that he wouldn't sign the paper on Friday for them to talk to me resulting in the nurse never calling back.
My counselor wanted me to ask if they were going to give him the shot, Vivitrol because she felt it would be very helpful in fighting his cravings since he never seems to be able to get past day 12 before relapse. (This is his 3rd attempt at recovery) She also wanted me to share something else with them regarding what he told me about his "sober mind and the thoughts he has that drives him back to the bottle".
I did put in an email to his therapist that I would like to share some information regarding him and if someone could please call me but that hasn't happened yet. I guess that is why I seem to answer the phone because it is always the same number whether a nurse, administrator or my son calls.
I am trying to turn this over to God. If it is his will, then all will work out.
I will do that and let it go to voice mail. The nurse there called me on Thursday after he arrived and told me she would call the following evening with an update. During our conversation she had asked me if I wanted to share anything with her that could be helpful- like just a brief past history. So I did that. I was awaiting her call on Friday evening because I had met with my counselor and she had a few suggestions for me to share as well. There was no call. Then the following day my son called to give me the email of his therapist to send some work paperwork to him for fmla. His next sentence was "Don't ask her anything about my treatment because she can't tell you."..
So, with that I am thinking that he wouldn't sign the paper on Friday for them to talk to me resulting in the nurse never calling back.
My counselor wanted me to ask if they were going to give him the shot, Vivitrol because she felt it would be very helpful in fighting his cravings since he never seems to be able to get past day 12 before relapse. (This is his 3rd attempt at recovery) She also wanted me to share something else with them regarding what he told me about his "sober mind and the thoughts he has that drives him back to the bottle".
I did put in an email to his therapist that I would like to share some information regarding him and if someone could please call me but that hasn't happened yet. I guess that is why I seem to answer the phone because it is always the same number whether a nurse, administrator or my son calls.
I am trying to turn this over to God. If it is his will, then all will work out.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Its hard, hard, hard to let go of our children. Its instinct, a primal urge to help them and protect them! I hope he gets it this time, I know your heart is dreading being shattered again if he doesn't. I just want to give you a big bear hug. Since I obviously can't via computer, pretend I did, and know people on SR really care. You can feel safe coming here for support and help.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
What would happen, hummingbird, if you and your counselor were less focused on what shots your son is or isn't getting at the rehab facility and more focused on supporting through your effort to really "turn this over to God"?
Your expressed to desire to do so and your efforts to get in touch with the facility over their treatment are at odds.
Perhaps you can give yourself--and him--the great gift of some mental and emotional space from each other, at least for the time that he is in the care of professionals, by his own choice.
Your expressed to desire to do so and your efforts to get in touch with the facility over their treatment are at odds.
Perhaps you can give yourself--and him--the great gift of some mental and emotional space from each other, at least for the time that he is in the care of professionals, by his own choice.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am sure that is what happened. He told them not to talk to you. They can let you give them info, but they cannot discuss anything with you.
So....my reaction would be that he will have to figure out everything else himself. If he cannot discuss getting well with you, I would not be willing to discuss anything else (like emailing his papers). He needs to grow up and be responsible, and sometimes that takes a hard experience to learn.
If they need anything from you they will leave a message. Don't answer. If they feel that shot is what he needs, they will make that happen. It's not a magic bullet. He has to WANT recovery or no matter what they do he won't recover.
I send you huge hugs. Take this time to get some self care for YOU.
So....my reaction would be that he will have to figure out everything else himself. If he cannot discuss getting well with you, I would not be willing to discuss anything else (like emailing his papers). He needs to grow up and be responsible, and sometimes that takes a hard experience to learn.
If they need anything from you they will leave a message. Don't answer. If they feel that shot is what he needs, they will make that happen. It's not a magic bullet. He has to WANT recovery or no matter what they do he won't recover.
I send you huge hugs. Take this time to get some self care for YOU.
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