So this is freedom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
So this is freedom
Today my niece --whose struggle with addiction has had me on a roller coaster for 14 years-- had an evaluation by the court psychiatrist.
You may recall she recently ran amok and got picked up by police high on meth trying to steal a car to visit her deceased father. Long story, but we gave all her history and recent symptom information to court and started the civil commitment process, which was picked up by the hospital and the county -- which took us out of the picture (hoorah).
The psychiatrist upheld the commitment, and she chose treatment (MI/CD meaning mental illness chemical dependency) in lieu of commitment - which means back to rehab she goes (third time), with case management, half way house after, etc. (the usual). So, she can't be completely impaired - she figured out that treatment is less restrictive than commitment.
If she does not comply with the treatment and after care requirements, back she goes to court and then is committed.
She is angry with me and not speaking to me (I like it that way), although I'm pretty sure that won't last long. But, since she no longer has a cell phone, I can let any numbers I don't recognize go to voicemail.
I don't want to be too judgmental, but if this is like the last two times in treatment, my guess she is planning to comply just enough to get through the program and then back to old tricks - but this time I am perfectly OK with whatever path she takes. She now has all the resources she needs to get her life together, and if she chooses to waste this opportunity - that is on her. And if she chooses to take advantage of the opportunity, it is the state, her doctors and her own efforts that will get her there.
And now, I believe my work is done, although I am under no delusion that this fixes everything or ties all this up in a big pink bow. What it does is confirm that it was never up to me - it was up to her and her HP. Now I can relax, go on vacation I had planned, reclaim my home and live my own life. And I have quite a few goals and interests that I have neglected that are joyfully calling to me.
So today I have a taste of freedom and I like it!... wishing everyone a similar peace - not necessarily the peace of the addict being "cured" but the peace that comes from doing what you can and then letting go and letting be, with faith in my own HP.
I will say it took me 14 years to heal enough of my own codependency to "do it differently" this time. I could still be wound up about her life and her plight and struggling to reach her and make her life better, etc. So for anyone still in a different stage of the journey, please keep posting as there was a great deal of wisdom in this forum that helped me through many hard times.
And I know that my own 12 step journey does not end today - maybe it is just beginning...
Thanks to all for your wisdom and counsel these past many years. I won't stop posting, but maybe now it won't feel so desperate....
You may recall she recently ran amok and got picked up by police high on meth trying to steal a car to visit her deceased father. Long story, but we gave all her history and recent symptom information to court and started the civil commitment process, which was picked up by the hospital and the county -- which took us out of the picture (hoorah).
The psychiatrist upheld the commitment, and she chose treatment (MI/CD meaning mental illness chemical dependency) in lieu of commitment - which means back to rehab she goes (third time), with case management, half way house after, etc. (the usual). So, she can't be completely impaired - she figured out that treatment is less restrictive than commitment.
If she does not comply with the treatment and after care requirements, back she goes to court and then is committed.
She is angry with me and not speaking to me (I like it that way), although I'm pretty sure that won't last long. But, since she no longer has a cell phone, I can let any numbers I don't recognize go to voicemail.
I don't want to be too judgmental, but if this is like the last two times in treatment, my guess she is planning to comply just enough to get through the program and then back to old tricks - but this time I am perfectly OK with whatever path she takes. She now has all the resources she needs to get her life together, and if she chooses to waste this opportunity - that is on her. And if she chooses to take advantage of the opportunity, it is the state, her doctors and her own efforts that will get her there.
And now, I believe my work is done, although I am under no delusion that this fixes everything or ties all this up in a big pink bow. What it does is confirm that it was never up to me - it was up to her and her HP. Now I can relax, go on vacation I had planned, reclaim my home and live my own life. And I have quite a few goals and interests that I have neglected that are joyfully calling to me.
So today I have a taste of freedom and I like it!... wishing everyone a similar peace - not necessarily the peace of the addict being "cured" but the peace that comes from doing what you can and then letting go and letting be, with faith in my own HP.
I will say it took me 14 years to heal enough of my own codependency to "do it differently" this time. I could still be wound up about her life and her plight and struggling to reach her and make her life better, etc. So for anyone still in a different stage of the journey, please keep posting as there was a great deal of wisdom in this forum that helped me through many hard times.
And I know that my own 12 step journey does not end today - maybe it is just beginning...
Thanks to all for your wisdom and counsel these past many years. I won't stop posting, but maybe now it won't feel so desperate....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Your recovery may just shine brightly enough that she will follow with her own...or not...but as you said, it's between her and God now and all we can do is pray for her.
I remember how hard it was to let go of my son and my obsession with his addiction. And I know how good I feel today after years and years of recovery and learning a healthier and happier way to live. I was trying, when reading your post here, to remember my "turning point", to remember if there was one time or one incident that was my wake up call...and I think it was the night I drove an hour to another city where he lived, to go to the crack house that I knew he was at and where I threatened to kick down the door if he didn't come out. ME, the quiet, non violent, lady who called herself his mother...threatening something stupid that could have got me killed. He came out...I went home...and he went back. On the way home I pulled off the highway, crying, and it was then I told God I was done, that I could not do one more day of it, and I immediately felt my burden lifted. Not in a fancy religious "I've been saved" kinda way....just a prayer and an answer and I drove home once more.
That wasn't the end for me, it was the real beginning of my own recovery, when I could finally focus on my recovery and let go of his addiction. I still had a long way to go, I still learn every single day, and I am so grateful for all those who went before me and lit my path of recovery. That was all about 17 years ago, I remember it like yesterday.
Sorry this was so long, and it's not about me it's about you, but I wanted to share how I "know" that you are in a good place today with all this. No matter how it unfolds for her, YOU will be okay. And that's all our recovery is about, plain and simple. The rest is just hanging on to the sanity we just found.
Hugs
I remember how hard it was to let go of my son and my obsession with his addiction. And I know how good I feel today after years and years of recovery and learning a healthier and happier way to live. I was trying, when reading your post here, to remember my "turning point", to remember if there was one time or one incident that was my wake up call...and I think it was the night I drove an hour to another city where he lived, to go to the crack house that I knew he was at and where I threatened to kick down the door if he didn't come out. ME, the quiet, non violent, lady who called herself his mother...threatening something stupid that could have got me killed. He came out...I went home...and he went back. On the way home I pulled off the highway, crying, and it was then I told God I was done, that I could not do one more day of it, and I immediately felt my burden lifted. Not in a fancy religious "I've been saved" kinda way....just a prayer and an answer and I drove home once more.
That wasn't the end for me, it was the real beginning of my own recovery, when I could finally focus on my recovery and let go of his addiction. I still had a long way to go, I still learn every single day, and I am so grateful for all those who went before me and lit my path of recovery. That was all about 17 years ago, I remember it like yesterday.
Sorry this was so long, and it's not about me it's about you, but I wanted to share how I "know" that you are in a good place today with all this. No matter how it unfolds for her, YOU will be okay. And that's all our recovery is about, plain and simple. The rest is just hanging on to the sanity we just found.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Ann - thank you for your post
I so appreciate the story of your turning point. I've been there too (fishing my addict out of a crack house where I could have been killed myself).
My recent change of heart came with the realization that I am a person too - just as important and valuable as my addict. I have a coach and she pointed out how dangerous my niece is to my well-being, and how 65% of my life was consumed with issues related to her, or recovering from her drama.
It sounds so simple now, but there is the realization that I cannot live up to my own potential or make a meaningful contribution to the world according to the call of my HP if I'm spending all my time running after my addict trying to change her -- someone who does not want to change - and who I can't change anyway.
It took a long time, but I think I finally got the concept of detachment when I decided to treat myself as every bit as important to me as she was to me.
Thanks for your post. I appreciate you sharing my "freedom" with me and your journey gives me hope that this can last if I keep working on my own recovery.
I so appreciate the story of your turning point. I've been there too (fishing my addict out of a crack house where I could have been killed myself).
My recent change of heart came with the realization that I am a person too - just as important and valuable as my addict. I have a coach and she pointed out how dangerous my niece is to my well-being, and how 65% of my life was consumed with issues related to her, or recovering from her drama.
It sounds so simple now, but there is the realization that I cannot live up to my own potential or make a meaningful contribution to the world according to the call of my HP if I'm spending all my time running after my addict trying to change her -- someone who does not want to change - and who I can't change anyway.
It took a long time, but I think I finally got the concept of detachment when I decided to treat myself as every bit as important to me as she was to me.
Thanks for your post. I appreciate you sharing my "freedom" with me and your journey gives me hope that this can last if I keep working on my own recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 69
I am glad to hear that you have found some freedom. My kid has been in the hospital 2 weeks and should be going to a rehab for a month.
People I work with have actually commented that I seem calmer and happier.
I hope we can keep this ball rolling. I pray we don't let those addicts pull us back in .
Enjoy you FREEDOM!!
People I work with have actually commented that I seem calmer and happier.
I hope we can keep this ball rolling. I pray we don't let those addicts pull us back in .
Enjoy you FREEDOM!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Well Done indeed!
This is a life changer for you. You know you have done every single thing you could. She has resources. You can lead them to the water but you cannot make them drink. She will or she won't, but if not everyone has done everything they could.
Big hugs! Enjoy your freedom!
This is a life changer for you. You know you have done every single thing you could. She has resources. You can lead them to the water but you cannot make them drink. She will or she won't, but if not everyone has done everything they could.
Big hugs! Enjoy your freedom!
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