alwayscovering

I've kinda done it the last couple of days.

I've been trying really hard to not say anything to him at all regarding AA, drinking, therapy, etc. I mind my own business and let him do what he wants.

He hasn't been drinking(much) and yesterday he was really angry. It wasn't towards me or anything but his tone and words were very angry and I said, "wow babe are you okay? You sound extremely angry." he said he was but didn't know why. (hmmmmm.....anyway) I then suggested for the sake of his poor employees he take his lunch down at the boxing gym and beat the snot out of bag. He did and said later he felt better.

Last night he had nightmares, we haven't dealt with that in a long time (He has PTSD-I'm sure the drinking was covering it up) he was thrashing all over the bed, I ended up getting whacked in the face while I was sleeping -that was fun. He woke up terrified and while I was trying to calm him down, I suggested he give the mental health assessment office at the VA a call. I just told him that the VA offers an opportunity to get help at no out of pocket cost to us(That's always his excuse for not going to therapy or substance abuse treatment) and it could help him feel so much better if he'd just give it a shot.

He wants me to go with him. I've been avoiding doing that because I don't want to feel like I'm making him or once again doing everything for him. I don't want to feel like I'm rationalizing and justifying codependent behavior. So if HE makes the appt, is there any harm in me going with him? I want to be supportive but also do what's right and feel that so early in my own recovery that sometimes I don't know when I'm rationalizing bad behavior.

dandylion

alwayscovering….I don't see anything wrong in going along for emotional support.....

aliciagr

Great job with the gentle suggestions to your spouse. Fingers crossed he will go to the VA and find the help he needs.

I treat substance use disorders like any other medical condition. So I say, if you would go with him if he was seeking help for a heart condition, or the PTSD issue - then its certainly fine to go with him in this case.

Sasha1972

I think it's fine to go with him, as long as you're not the one driving the process. If he makes the appointment himself and you don't mind going along, I don't think there's any recovery-harm in doing so.

hopeful4

I agree with Sasha. However, you may want to throw in the disclaimer that you are only going for the first time, so that this does not end up something you are doing all the time.

It's pretty big for him to accept help I would guess, so good for both of you!

maia1234

A,
Sounds like you are doing good. I would make sure that you lower your expectations on this meeting. The meeting is for him and not for you to put in "your observation" to the therapist. He is an adult and should be treated as one.

Good luck

AnvilheadII

has he actually MADE an appointment yet?

alwayscovering

Hah! No he hasn’t and I don’t expect him to make an appointment. He asked me to go with him and I said I would. I have zero interest in talking to the therapist for him.