Itsbeentoolong

... now more than ever, I know I need to figure out what I will change in my life. Once this resolution honeymoon wears off, my rose colored glasses are on, then that AV gets so convincing. I just hate the fact that I have been unwilling to stay the course.

Dee74

I'm, sorry you've been drinking, but its good you made it back

yeah I had to put effort into not drinking otherwise sooner or later I'd switch to the default, which was, of course drinking.

What kind of recovery plan have you been using? how have you been trying to stay sober?

D

Delilah1

I'm glad you are back. I found complacency to be my downfall in the past. I really needed a recovery plan, and it revolved around making healthy choices both physically and mentally.

I read and post on SR daily, exercise, spend some time in nature every day (it really helps). I practice gratitude, and mindfulness, the mindfulness has been one of the most helpful tools for me.

Most importantly no matter what I do not drink. I know that no matter the situation drinking can only make things worse.

What has helped you to stay sober in the past?

Fearlessat50

Welcome back!

Berrybean

Glad you made it back.

As Dee asks, what did your recovery plan look like before? It's likely time to think about adding some things into it.

BB

Gottalife

Alcoholics are strange creatures. Though they are suffering from a progressive and terminal illness, so often they don't take it seriously.

Consider the cancer patient. Diagnosed on friday, told it is terminal but with some very unpleasant and painfiul chemotherapy, they may live another two years. They are told that the first treatment appointment is on monday at 10 a.m. . Where will they be found on Monday at 10 a.m? At the treatment of course! Nothing is more important. They have understood their situation completely.

So the chronic end stage alcoholic gets similar messages. He has a terminal illness, possibly with less than two years to live. However, if he fronts up to treatment, say the AA meeting on Monday night and commences to follow some simple suggestions, his illness can be arrested permanently. He can recover.

Where can he be found on Monday night? "Ah well, you see, it wasn't convenient. My favorite team was playing in the semi final and I needed to be their to support them"or "There was a movie on tv that I wanted to catch" Excuses so insanely trivial that it is clear this guy has absolutely no understanding that he is actually dying. A strange creature indeed.

doggonecarl

Well, back in June you wrote:

Sounds like a simple change to start implementing.

FreeOwl

It’s about choice AND action.

What have you been doing and NOT doing to support the choice of sobriety?

How have you been painting an image for yourself of a positive, sober life?

What actions can come from these questions.... to make changes in your life and take specific actions TODAY. RIGHT NOW?

You can do this.....

Itsbeentoolong

Dee and others asked about my recovery plan. I did not have a plan, I just pinned my success on my commitment. It’s worked for months in the past. But:
I slowly convince myself that I don’t have a problem.
I eventually justify drinking because of stress, and to help me manage;
And finally I convince myself that drinking will enable me to more fully feel and live my life, especially vacations and special times.
These are lies. Fortunately they are easy to believe as I’ve been able to hold my life together. No major fall out from drinking yet, but you should see my Dad...
Thanks for your notes and questions. Been planning out my recovery plan this morning.

Hawking22

I agree that a plan is super important, but I'm also of the belief that even with a plan and doing the right things, we can slip up. That is the insanity of it all (especially the evil AV like you mentioned). This disease always seems to harbor that inner turmoil that fights against self-preservation. Like the diabetic who can't stop stuffing his face with chocolate cake. It's killing you, man what the hell?!

I'm realizing more and more just how much the higher power has to come into play. Maybe we're lucky that we're stricken with addiction. Maybe it means God's choosing us for this fight and we get to walk with him through life. Commitment is important but it is only one of the cornerstones to fighting this.

I'm glad you're back and stay strong!

Zebra1275

When I couldn't stayed stopped I decided to log onto this website everyday.

I also decided that to get over my pride and go to an AA meeting.

Those two steps were the major components of my plan. I've been sober for over 8 years now, so I think it worked.

Oregongirlsite

Carl, You could be commenting to me. “Back in December you wrote...then in February it was...oh but wait, May said...” My past year as been blah blah blah. But I thank you for speaking to me too.
I’m with you “It’s been too long”. I’m back here at SR and on day 3. Your observation about “commitment” being the thing you thought would get you through sure spoke to me. Thanks. Speaking for myself it takes more than that.

Anna

I'm glad you're working on a recovery plan. I think it's important to have a plan when you begin to feel complacent because it will remind you to continue to be vigilant every day.

Itsbeentoolong

Note to self when back home from vacation, aside from committing...
Develop Plan
Visualize success
Identify triggers
Strategies to deal with triggers
Keep thinking...

Gottalife

What you have is a pretty common kinda plan that folks trying to get sober seem to come up with. You could save yourself a lot of grief by changing it slightly:

Clearly identify problem - alcoholism?
Have I lost the power of choice in drink?
Have I developed the phenomenon of
craving?
If you answer yes to one or both, then alcoholism is a good bet.

Develop Plan; There are already a number of plans developed that are likely to prove effective. Why not pick one of those? Then the rest of the problem is solved. You don't have to reinvent the wheel.

Developing my own plan, if I can bring our cancer patient back in, doesn't make much sense unless we get really lucky of course.

Our cancer sufferer decides they don't like the look of the treatment plan, even though it is the best known solution. So they decide to develop a plan of their own, perhaps invent some chemicals, grow some herbs and fix it that way. It is pretty unlikely our patient will do that because they are governed by one all controlling factor. Time. If they don't accept the treatment, and don't find their own solution, they will be dead in a few months.

The alcoholic often does not realise that it is exactly the same for them. Time is not on your side. physical, mental, and spiritual elements of our being continue to deteriorate, death continues to approach.

In fact, IMHO a doctor or oncologist will be able to predict time remaining much more accurately with the cancer patient than with the alcoholic. Nobody knows how much time an alcoholic has, no one can tell which will be the loaded drink.

Itsbeentoolong

Thank you for your points.
I need to change more than I expected.