I busted myself tonight
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I busted myself tonight
I busted myself bargaining about drinking tonight.
My gf and I were discussing a vacation this winter. We talked about Australia mainland and Tasmania, made plans to get me certified to scuba dive, and started looking into it. (Ended up being so expensive that we’re going to plan Hawaii instead). But while we were still talking about Australia I was perusing things to do in the places we were looking at, and some general travel article was talking about beer and wine in Australia. My mind started to wander and I suddenly tasted that wine, felt the glass in my hand. Immediately fast forwarded to the headache and chaos that would bring but found myself thinking...
Oh calm down. It’s a vacation. You can drink on vacation.
I should mention that a friend, sober for a very long time, recently revealed at a mostly-sober dinner event that last year when she was on vacation in Scotland she drank whiskey. I was shocked at the time and she said that it was only a few times while she was there, it was weird but also fine, and she came home and hasn’t drank since.
So that little thought just showed up in my head tonight and I really feel the need to tell on myself. I’m two years without a drink and haven’t had a thought like this in a long time now. What disturbed me I guess is not so much that the fleeting thought passed my head, but the pushback I had... that my sober friend who sat at that table last month and said she’s an alcoholic and she’s been sober for almost twenty years and she drank without incident on a vacation overseas, somehow stuck in there so my AV could muscle in.
So I’m here tonight to remind myself that I’m an alcoholic and beer or wine down under is just as destructive -for me- as it is stateside. How many posts have I read about people going on vacation and worrying about this.
I’m not going to Australia this December, it’s too expensive. But someday I will, and when I do, drinking won’t be an option. Very annoyed with myself right now, and grateful to have some people to tell.
B
My gf and I were discussing a vacation this winter. We talked about Australia mainland and Tasmania, made plans to get me certified to scuba dive, and started looking into it. (Ended up being so expensive that we’re going to plan Hawaii instead). But while we were still talking about Australia I was perusing things to do in the places we were looking at, and some general travel article was talking about beer and wine in Australia. My mind started to wander and I suddenly tasted that wine, felt the glass in my hand. Immediately fast forwarded to the headache and chaos that would bring but found myself thinking...
Oh calm down. It’s a vacation. You can drink on vacation.
I should mention that a friend, sober for a very long time, recently revealed at a mostly-sober dinner event that last year when she was on vacation in Scotland she drank whiskey. I was shocked at the time and she said that it was only a few times while she was there, it was weird but also fine, and she came home and hasn’t drank since.
So that little thought just showed up in my head tonight and I really feel the need to tell on myself. I’m two years without a drink and haven’t had a thought like this in a long time now. What disturbed me I guess is not so much that the fleeting thought passed my head, but the pushback I had... that my sober friend who sat at that table last month and said she’s an alcoholic and she’s been sober for almost twenty years and she drank without incident on a vacation overseas, somehow stuck in there so my AV could muscle in.
So I’m here tonight to remind myself that I’m an alcoholic and beer or wine down under is just as destructive -for me- as it is stateside. How many posts have I read about people going on vacation and worrying about this.
I’m not going to Australia this December, it’s too expensive. But someday I will, and when I do, drinking won’t be an option. Very annoyed with myself right now, and grateful to have some people to tell.
B
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Hey you caught yourself so no harm done 
I often think about killing my neighbour, but I'm never going to actually DO it 
It's the acting on thoughts that's the problem - neither of us are going to do that.
I often think about killing my neighbour, but I'm never going to actually DO it It's the acting on thoughts that's the problem - neither of us are going to do that.
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Originally Posted by Zanna 
Hey you caught yourself so no harm done I often think about killing my neighbour, but I'm never going to actually DO it
It's the acting on thoughts that's the problem - neither of us are going to do that.
I often think about killing my neighbour, but I'm never going to actually DO it It's the acting on thoughts that's the problem - neither of us are going to do that.
It was the negotiations that bothered me I guess. And how surprising it was.
Saying something has helped, already.
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Ooooo. Alcohol and alcoholic thinking. So cunning and baffling. It really doesn't miss a trick. Well done for spotting it's cavortings and lies for what they were and not falling for them.
Maybe stop worrying about winter for now and get back to focussing on staying sober one day at a time.
BB
Maybe stop worrying about winter for now and get back to focussing on staying sober one day at a time.
BB
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Bexxed, that is interesting both your thoughts and your friend's vacation experience in Scotland arguably the home of whisky, though the Irish might take issue with that.
My take on this is that both circumstances are new experiences and where alcohol are prominent parts of the tourist experience. Your friend was lucky that her whisky "vacation" didn't make her relapse, probably by virtue of 20 years life experience without alcohol.
It seems quite logical that in new and novel situations where alcohol is a prominent feature that such thoughts of drinking will arise. With 2 years under your belt you know the cost benefit of sober v drinking. No reason to feel annoyed about yourself.
My take on this is that both circumstances are new experiences and where alcohol are prominent parts of the tourist experience. Your friend was lucky that her whisky "vacation" didn't make her relapse, probably by virtue of 20 years life experience without alcohol.
It seems quite logical that in new and novel situations where alcohol is a prominent feature that such thoughts of drinking will arise. With 2 years under your belt you know the cost benefit of sober v drinking. No reason to feel annoyed about yourself.
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Nice work bexxed. Amazing the way our minds and sevles can be divided against themselves. Fascinating in a way. An ancient as the concept of devil/angel on our shoulders but still fascinating.
And kudos on identifying the pattern and dealing with it properly. Good share, thank you.
And kudos on identifying the pattern and dealing with it properly. Good share, thank you.
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the friend who drank again a few times, and then apparently "nothing happened", they haven't drunk since...that sounds lovely, doesn't it?
so tempting, so innocent, so casual and no-consequence.
what is so easily overlooked is that here is a person who went back to drinking after a long stretch of sobriety. that there was a threshold crossed, or more porous than they had thought it was, or...
i find the minimising of this kind of return to drinking so harmful ...the quasi-celebrations that "nothing happened" when the person didn't end up continuing to drink after those few times.
something DID happen.
something very big.
if that were me, my sober world would be rocked to its foundations.
so tempting, so innocent, so casual and no-consequence.
what is so easily overlooked is that here is a person who went back to drinking after a long stretch of sobriety. that there was a threshold crossed, or more porous than they had thought it was, or...
i find the minimising of this kind of return to drinking so harmful ...the quasi-celebrations that "nothing happened" when the person didn't end up continuing to drink after those few times.
something DID happen.
something very big.
if that were me, my sober world would be rocked to its foundations.
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It’s an ugly little critter. I have no plans to keep it around, and I’m glad I got the pesticide out by coming here. Isolating or keeping those AV thoughts inside, when they rear up, is exactly what NOT to do.
It sounds like a small thing, compared to early sobriety, but I don’t think it’s very different.
I’m looking forward to going to Hawaii. Booked everything yesterday, including registering for scuba certification in advance. My gym offers free training and I’m going today to take advantage of that, also. I’d like to build some upper body strength in the next four months so I can maybe take on a surf lesson with a tiny amount of grace.
We also plan to visit a coffee farm!
I’m pretty pumped, and forgave myself. I’m an alcoholic. Grateful you’re all here to back me up when I need to call myself out.
-b
It sounds like a small thing, compared to early sobriety, but I don’t think it’s very different.
I’m looking forward to going to Hawaii. Booked everything yesterday, including registering for scuba certification in advance. My gym offers free training and I’m going today to take advantage of that, also. I’d like to build some upper body strength in the next four months so I can maybe take on a surf lesson with a tiny amount of grace.
We also plan to visit a coffee farm!
I’m pretty pumped, and forgave myself. I’m an alcoholic. Grateful you’re all here to back me up when I need to call myself out.
-b
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