My Early Sobriety and Anxiety
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 10
My Early Sobriety and Anxiety
I don’t post much but I have spent hours reading on the forums and I have gained so much guidance, advice and wisdom that I was hoping to offer something back to those in a similar situation as myself. I am so thankful for this community.
I have quietly made it through 18 days of sobriety after an unhealthy relationship with alcohol the last 20 years. The last 2.5 years I became a daily drinker with the majority of evenings ending in blackouts, drinking during work from time to time, morning drinking starting at 7 am on weekends (hell I was drinking before church!!! Who does that?) and basically on an exponential trajectory towards ruining my life.
With alcohol it was love at first drink for me because I have always had high anxiety (especially social anxiety) and booze was the perfect medication…or so I thought. I used alcohol to lower my anxiety for years. I was so drunk when I met my would be wife the first time I gave her the wrong phone number! However, my anxiety got progressively worse into my mid 30s and it went from just uncomfortable social situations into work situations. It took all that I had to get through some work days so within minutes of knocking off for the day I was at a convenience store buying my first few rounds and was drinking before I left the parking lot, a good buzz by the time I got home and then a few hours of sneaking drinks until I passed out. This became a daily ritual and a few “drinks” or “units” eventually became 16 or 20 or sometimes more. Little did I know this made my anxiety even worse as now I became worried and anxious about ruining my career and future because of my dependence on drinking. My blood pressure was unexplainably high to the doctors during my annual exams because there was no way I would let on to my daily habit and I take fitness very seriously (minus drinking). I started to avoid any activity outside of my mandatory work requirements because my focus was entirely on drinking. I had also met with a doctor while I was deployed overseas a few years ago and went on an anti-depressant (it took me about 3 or 4 until I settled on one) to help me with the anxiety symptoms. So I was downing pills and drinking more and more (I realized this was not an effective solution). I eventually did some stupid things about 6 months ago (no legal issues) but my wife and family got involved and I ended up trying CBT. I took some good notes during my weekly CBT sessions with a great counselor, which was good because I was drunk each time we met. Most people see some anxiety reduction while on pills and doing CBT but my drinking was making mine worse.
Exactly 3 weeks ago I went on a work trip and was drunk the entire 3 days. I came home and finally decided to seriously quit booze (I had tried before but with no success). The first 3 days were horrible in terms of my anxiety. I was a sweaty mess (which had always been ne of the anxiety symptoms I drank to control). Sitting in my office at work I felt like I had just finished running a 5K. I wanted to just escape to a convenience store and pound down the strongest thing they sold to ease my nerves. I couldn’t sleep (I had to relearn how to fall asleep and not simply black out). I resisted drinking and thank God I did. After about the 5th day my anxiety decreased significantly. After about 2 weeks it has become negligible compared to three weeks ago. I think the sobriety has finally allowed my medication to kick in and work properly. Knowing I can live without alcohol has eased my fears about ruining my career and family life. Just waking up remembering what happened the day before has been a blessing. I have been able to look back at all the drunken scribbled notes I took down during my CBT sessions and have started to put into practice what I was taught. I finally feel like a normal person. I am so glad I did not succumb to drinking those first few awful days!
Just a few things from my CBT that you may benefit from if you have anxiety issues.
SNAP Judgments and Thinking Traps I am working to overcome these! Also known as cognitive distortions.
1. All or Nothing Thinking – No grey areas – only extremes.
2. Labeling – Assigning overly general labels, i.e “Failure” for just 1 or 2 mistakes
3. Personalization – Blaming myself for things out of my control (this is a big one for me at work)
4. Emotional Reasoning – Assuming my emotional reaction proves something is true about a situation (I tend to be hypersensitive so this causes me some issues)
5. Magnification/Minimization or “Rejecting the Positive”– Blowing things out of proportion or dismissing things as unimportant (when things go good I don’t give myself credit but I sure will hammer myself when they don’t go well)
6. Fortune Telling – Predicting the negative.
7. Mind Reading – Attempting to know what someone else is thinking (again I am hypersensitive so this one gets me a lot).
To get away from these it is best to question the correctness of your thoughts and assumptions, think in shades of grey and not extremes, avoid generalization and consider other factors. Also before I head into a stressful situation I do some meditation focusing on positive outcomes instead of just assuming all will go bad based on one previous experience. Also, avoid “should statements”. This person “should respect me”. Works better to say “I would prefer if this person respects me (but I only can control what I can control, etc.)”
Have a great sober Sunday!
I have quietly made it through 18 days of sobriety after an unhealthy relationship with alcohol the last 20 years. The last 2.5 years I became a daily drinker with the majority of evenings ending in blackouts, drinking during work from time to time, morning drinking starting at 7 am on weekends (hell I was drinking before church!!! Who does that?) and basically on an exponential trajectory towards ruining my life.
With alcohol it was love at first drink for me because I have always had high anxiety (especially social anxiety) and booze was the perfect medication…or so I thought. I used alcohol to lower my anxiety for years. I was so drunk when I met my would be wife the first time I gave her the wrong phone number! However, my anxiety got progressively worse into my mid 30s and it went from just uncomfortable social situations into work situations. It took all that I had to get through some work days so within minutes of knocking off for the day I was at a convenience store buying my first few rounds and was drinking before I left the parking lot, a good buzz by the time I got home and then a few hours of sneaking drinks until I passed out. This became a daily ritual and a few “drinks” or “units” eventually became 16 or 20 or sometimes more. Little did I know this made my anxiety even worse as now I became worried and anxious about ruining my career and future because of my dependence on drinking. My blood pressure was unexplainably high to the doctors during my annual exams because there was no way I would let on to my daily habit and I take fitness very seriously (minus drinking). I started to avoid any activity outside of my mandatory work requirements because my focus was entirely on drinking. I had also met with a doctor while I was deployed overseas a few years ago and went on an anti-depressant (it took me about 3 or 4 until I settled on one) to help me with the anxiety symptoms. So I was downing pills and drinking more and more (I realized this was not an effective solution). I eventually did some stupid things about 6 months ago (no legal issues) but my wife and family got involved and I ended up trying CBT. I took some good notes during my weekly CBT sessions with a great counselor, which was good because I was drunk each time we met. Most people see some anxiety reduction while on pills and doing CBT but my drinking was making mine worse.
Exactly 3 weeks ago I went on a work trip and was drunk the entire 3 days. I came home and finally decided to seriously quit booze (I had tried before but with no success). The first 3 days were horrible in terms of my anxiety. I was a sweaty mess (which had always been ne of the anxiety symptoms I drank to control). Sitting in my office at work I felt like I had just finished running a 5K. I wanted to just escape to a convenience store and pound down the strongest thing they sold to ease my nerves. I couldn’t sleep (I had to relearn how to fall asleep and not simply black out). I resisted drinking and thank God I did. After about the 5th day my anxiety decreased significantly. After about 2 weeks it has become negligible compared to three weeks ago. I think the sobriety has finally allowed my medication to kick in and work properly. Knowing I can live without alcohol has eased my fears about ruining my career and family life. Just waking up remembering what happened the day before has been a blessing. I have been able to look back at all the drunken scribbled notes I took down during my CBT sessions and have started to put into practice what I was taught. I finally feel like a normal person. I am so glad I did not succumb to drinking those first few awful days!
Just a few things from my CBT that you may benefit from if you have anxiety issues.
SNAP Judgments and Thinking Traps I am working to overcome these! Also known as cognitive distortions.
1. All or Nothing Thinking – No grey areas – only extremes.
2. Labeling – Assigning overly general labels, i.e “Failure” for just 1 or 2 mistakes
3. Personalization – Blaming myself for things out of my control (this is a big one for me at work)
4. Emotional Reasoning – Assuming my emotional reaction proves something is true about a situation (I tend to be hypersensitive so this causes me some issues)
5. Magnification/Minimization or “Rejecting the Positive”– Blowing things out of proportion or dismissing things as unimportant (when things go good I don’t give myself credit but I sure will hammer myself when they don’t go well)
6. Fortune Telling – Predicting the negative.
7. Mind Reading – Attempting to know what someone else is thinking (again I am hypersensitive so this one gets me a lot).
To get away from these it is best to question the correctness of your thoughts and assumptions, think in shades of grey and not extremes, avoid generalization and consider other factors. Also before I head into a stressful situation I do some meditation focusing on positive outcomes instead of just assuming all will go bad based on one previous experience. Also, avoid “should statements”. This person “should respect me”. Works better to say “I would prefer if this person respects me (but I only can control what I can control, etc.)”
Have a great sober Sunday!
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Welcome JimRat! Those bullet points are a great reminder for me as these were key things I also learned at rehab and needed to see that today so thanks! 18 days is fantastic!! Keep up the good fight! x
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,330
Thanks for sharing and a job well done .
From what I’ve read it takes an average of 10 days to get the alcohol out of your system, so you’re about a week free of the physical poison .
I’m on D 84 today and I feel pretty good still have some down moments I think it’s going to be a while and it should be considering I also drink heavily for about 20 years .
Sounds like you’re really working towards your permanent Sebright he and Tim glad you’re here .
From what I’ve read it takes an average of 10 days to get the alcohol out of your system, so you’re about a week free of the physical poison .
I’m on D 84 today and I feel pretty good still have some down moments I think it’s going to be a while and it should be considering I also drink heavily for about 20 years .
Sounds like you’re really working towards your permanent Sebright he and Tim glad you’re here .
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Jim,
I was so heavily kindled that at 18 days I was still a basket case.
It took well over a year for the hellish off and on suffering to quell.
Thank God I had an out from day 1. That was in my bed. When I would lay my head on my pillow, the world would slow down.
I didn't sleep well for months, but I had that sense of calm...serenity..when I would be still.
That serenity has grown and grown over that last 1000 plus days of booze free living.
I quit once for 8 months when I was 27. It seemed so easy I figured I could start again and stop if I wanted to. Biggest mistake of my life.
The internet, SR, saved my life. Education and desire.
Thanks.
I was so heavily kindled that at 18 days I was still a basket case.
It took well over a year for the hellish off and on suffering to quell.
Thank God I had an out from day 1. That was in my bed. When I would lay my head on my pillow, the world would slow down.
I didn't sleep well for months, but I had that sense of calm...serenity..when I would be still.
That serenity has grown and grown over that last 1000 plus days of booze free living.
I quit once for 8 months when I was 27. It seemed so easy I figured I could start again and stop if I wanted to. Biggest mistake of my life.
The internet, SR, saved my life. Education and desire.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 132
Originally Posted by JimRat04 
f evenings ending in blackouts, drinking during work from time to time, morning drinking starting at 7 am on weekends (hell I was drinking before church!!! Who does that?)
Thanks for the SNAP Judgments and Thinking Traps .
I drank because I'm an alcoholic but also to self medicate myself from social anxiety. I'm less days sober than you but have found my anxiety getting better (I'm not on any medication). I can't meditate because I have a racing brain! I'm going to try tai chi or yoga and have picked up my sobriety journal to gather my thoughts (my form of meditation). Thanks for your post.
Congrats on 18!
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