Misc72

Long story short. My sister is an addict and alcoholic. she just got out of prison after serving a two-year sentence in March. she did well for the first month out and then she had a really big relapse and set back where she ultimately ended up at a mental institution. here I come with my broom and dustpan to save the day and clean up the mess. I saved her from going back to prison to serve a term of six years because she had committed theft but I paid her debt and he didn't press charges. Since then I have assisted her in getting into a sober living home getting into an intensive outpatient treatment program and carrying on a relationship with her parole officer as well as handling her money that is given to her from the Eastern band of Cherokee Indians as they receive per capita money which is profits from the casinos. I have opened up a co-checking account so she can have access to some funds. We have come to an agreement that I would disperse $100 per week as she receives 500 per month and that would have her paying me back 100 per month as well as I have invested $3, 000 in this save. She has other resources that are helping to pay her rent and with this extra hundred per month and and come from a job she would be able to live a simple healthy sober life.

tonight she has been kicked out of the sober homes because of suspicions that she was high. She was giving a choice to go to a three-day detox and then she could come back or to leave immediately. She chose to leave immediately which indicate signs of relapse yes. She has been persistent today with phone calls and text to me wanting all of her money now that is not what we agreed to and I do not think it is in her best interest to give her large sums of money. Additionally she owes me $3, 000.she said she would listen to me this time and if she followed my lead she would be in a good place. I do have power of attorney so everything is legal and legit.

So I've decided that I just want out of this situation completely. Guilt is eating me alive because I don't want to turn my back on her because I feel that she will die if I do. But if she is not living up to her end of the bargain then I cannot continue to have the stress on my shoulders on a daily basis. My son is just starting his senior year in high school and I would like nothing but positive energy to be in my life and this is really ruining my spirit

So I'm wondering should I stay or should I go?

suki44883

You say she wants all of her money. How much is that, and is it in addition to the $3,000 she owes you?

If you are able to secure the $3,000 she owes you, and if it were me, I would give her whatever is left and tell her she is on her own. Then, be sure to open a new checking account in your name only.

lizinaussie

I’d stop answering her texts and calls, sleep on it then see how you feel tomorrow. So easy to get caught up in the ‘emotional now drama’ especially when it’s a repeat of something that’s happen before. Worse came to worst, I’d turn my phone off. Tomorrow is another day.

dandylion

sunshine......I can only tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes....
I would give her zero money (since you hold that leverage)….unless and until she has detoxed and continues the outpatient program....Where to sleep?...well, if they won't take her back in the sober living house...she can go to the local shelter or Salvation Army or whatever she can find....in the meantime.
Further, I would ask her to ask her case worker in the outpatient program to meet with the two of you....(she probably will have to sign release papers)….to determine when she could be ready to receive walking around money, again....

the reason that I say this is that relapse does happen....and this applies leverage to her to "get back on the wagon"....while, not giving her the easy out to spend money and keep on using and upset her whole apple cart....
It would be giving her some strong boundaries and providing some boundaries for your own self.....

recognize that this is not what most people would do....but, it is what I would consider....

AnvilheadII

unless you have been deemed her legal guardian, the funds from the tribe are HERS to do with as she sees fit. right or wrong, best interests or not, it IS her money. i'd cash out the co-account, withhold the funds you deposited, hand her the rest, wish her well and be done. it's time you stopped trying to clean up her messes.......they are her messes. for all your "help" (interference?) she still hasn't changed, still hasn't seen the light, still doesn't want the life for herself that you want her to have.

so......leave her to it. but be clear that you are no longer the Rescue Wagon, or the Bank, or the Fixer of All Things. she will need to find other resources.

VigilanceNow

Unfortunately, Sunshine, I have to agree with Anvilhead here. Despite whatever agreement you had with her informally, you're putting yourself at risk of legal repercussions if she decides to claim that you are stealing her money somehow, despite how obvious it is that that is not the case. I have seen stranger legal manoeuvers succeed, so I wouldn't risk it with someone as volatile as her.

I won't doubt her intentions to "follow in your lead" and reclaim her own life and independence, but she is the ultimate arbiter of where her life goes. It was kind of you to bail her out, and frankly I'm sure I would've done the same, but if you continue to do that you are only enabling her. She can either choose a sober life or choose to continue down a very dark path. No amount of policing - except the literal kind from the actual police - will save her from that.

If I were you, I would release any financial control and state formally that I am washing my hands of the situation. If a parole officer contacts you, you can very easily state that you no longer wish to be involved, and they are obligated to respect that.

It's difficult, but it could be the wake-up call she needs...

Misc72

Thank you very much for the advice. We do a have legal power of attorney that she signed off in while in prison giving me legal authorization for all if her legal/financial business. However I don't know if that is applicable to tribe funds. Its not about the money to me. Although I would love to get back the $3k investment made in these six weeks.

Her parole officer actually did contact me. She is actually in a detox hospital so when she is in a sober mind I'm going to make a decision to get out of this situation. I'll need to talk to her about it and see what happens.

NYCDoglvr

You must ignore her pleas and focus on your son. Enabling her by giving her money is more harmful than you can imagine. How else will she ever get it that actions have consequences and while she is using she is on her own?