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Sobriety and work

Old 08-13-2018, 01:29 AM
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Sobriety and work

Hi guys, a question for everyone

I’m going back to work today (I run a small business that demands I work everyday, but today I’m back properly). I can’t bare thinking about it. I don’t want to go back. I dread it.

I’ve been ill so often in past two years (drinking hasn’t helped obviously!!) due to over work and stress. I’m very new to sobriety but am loving it, creating habits that are good for me. My son said I was the best dad ever last night, ouch/happy/crying/proud/lush moment. I’m so much better dad and husband already

So, question is - how did people balance work against getting and staying sober? Drinking is not an option for me, those days have gone, so work will not lead me to drink. But did people manage to carry on as before; did they change/give up/increase work?

I know what I want to do but am aware early recovery is up and down so am interested in other people’s wisdom
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Old 08-13-2018, 02:08 AM
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You can do this!

Work is just another part of life.

Sobriety is living our lives in full and present attendance as best we possibly can.

1) don’t drink
2) continue to act in support of sobriety
3) be prepared to ‘bail out’ to therapy, a meeting, the gym....

Life is filled to the brim with influences that can serve as excuses to drink. Work isn’t an excuse to drink.
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Old 08-13-2018, 02:48 AM
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After sobering up I realized that although my job was easy, high-paying, and somewhat prestigious in my field it was also mentally draining on me every. single. day.

I put plans into motion to make a change. It took about 3 years of nights and weekends, but last year I cut the chord on the old paycheck and now I work for myself full time. I work twice as many hours for half the money, but I LOVE IT. (That 'half the money' part is probably only temporary. I expect to surpass my previous income before the end of 2019.)

Looking back I have one regret: I didn't need to actively hate my old career as much as I did by the end. I bore-sighted on the things I hated about it instead of the things about it that were good. That doesn't mean I shouldn't have made the change. It just means it could have been done from a place (mentally) of compassion and abundance. I was choosing to hate my old job. I could have chosen otherwise and been happier while I was making the change. (Hopefully that makes sense.)

Congrats on your new found freedom from alcohol!
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Old 08-13-2018, 03:42 AM
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Let me preface by sayign I've never been a business owner or manager but I have been responsible for other people at various times.

I've spoken before how I was the self appointed general manager of the universe and in the past I wore myself into the ground with responsibilities either given to me or responsibilities I assumed.

Altho I had a good heart I wasn't really working from altruism as much as I was working from fear - fear of things not working out, fear of letting people down, and fear that if things did go belly up it being seen as my fault.

I gave up worrying about such things in recovery - not right away but I worked and chipped away at it bit by bit.

I learned I wasn't indispensable - and that was oddly painful and yet freeing at the same time.

I learned to delegate and to let go of expectations, and other people stepped up to the plate

Other people may not work in the way I did but the job still got done....and I had a little more time to devote to other very important things in my life.

I know as the owner theres always got to be some level of involvement for you - but honestly if you work yourself into the ground so much that only a husk is left and battering yourself unconscious by drinking is your only respite, you're not going to last very long anyway.

Take it from someone who was very nearly not here - be smarter than me

D

Last edited by Dee74; 08-13-2018 at 04:54 AM.
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Old 08-13-2018, 03:50 AM
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First, glad you are here and great job on getting sober.

Second, work is a legit worry and practical reality. It's one the folks above have good comments about for sure. For me, in short, work had to become a priority well after my recovery and other things such as my health, relationships and others. I am also one who has had to learn and at times "relearn" what that means, that I can only make good decisions not being in control of he outcome and that has so far resulted in two jobs that are also roles I love, one directly related to recovery in my industry, food and BEV.

Practically, I am also an AAer so diff jobs in my two and a half years sober have meant finding and choosing to go to meetings that fit each schedule. No matter what. They are a line item in my weekly schedule. Also, I chose the habit (note the word chose) of a morning recovery and devotional program and every day I get up however early I need to in order to spend that time.

Trusting my HP and practical situations like havi a husband who is willing to make financial choices with me so we support my work choices is both a blessing and a learning process.

Ultimately, I believe that we can get and stay sober in any situation, job, relationship, life event or [] if we want it more than anything else.

I also have to take everything I said one day at a time!

You can do it.
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Old 08-13-2018, 04:06 AM
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I've worked lots of long hours over the last 30+ years. The mental clarity of sobriety has really helped me to face new challlanges. But in the last year or so, I've started working allot less hours. With alot of similarities to Dee's experience, I have a hard time trusting that other people can do the job and so I have problems delegating and letting go. But I'm slowly learning to relax.
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Old 08-14-2018, 10:20 AM
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Part of my recovery was ditching a job I wasn't great at that didn't pay all that well in a horrible industry working with (mostly) very toxic people. I did it for 15 years at the same company. It wasn't bad for the first 8 years, but in 2010 new owners took over, and it started going downhill from there. Getting sober HAD to involve changing careers.

For the first year of sobriety my job WAS sobriety, and I threw myself into it with meetings, inpatient and outpatient rehab and then individual psychotherapy. This morphed into my full time job became maintaining sobriety and preparing for a career change. I had to get my real estate license and find a spot to hang my hat. I started my sober journey in inpatient rehab and was eligible for disability which got me through the year. I took my real estate licensing exam on my one year sobriety date, and passed on the first attempt. The next two months was spent finding a brokerage, and then training.

I started in earnest yesterday. It's completely new and different, but I think I'm going to really love helping people buy and sell homes and getting paid solely on commission. Corporate America has become not a great place to be for me in the past 10 years. My old job was lashed to a computer for 9 hours a day plus some weekends with an ever increasing workload and not enough time in the day to do it all. It involved excruciating attention to detail which isn't my strong suit either. All for an OK to mediocre salary with no room for groth. I'm an extrovert with a creative streak.

The change is a bit terrifying at the moment, but I can see where as I build competency it'll get really fun really fast. I love people and I love money, sales is a natural fit. I stayed in a horrible job with escalating drinking mostly out of the fear of change, it took a severe alcohol crisis to get me out of it. I regret nothing in my path, it's lead me here to a far better place.

I get the dread Ben. There's a lot of anxiety in early sobriety, don't know how long you've been sober. I took 17 months before actually starting to work again, which may have been too long, but I think the universe says it was the exactly correct amount of time.

I have two questions:

1) Do you like what you do? Does it give you energy? Do you like the people you work with (yeah, that's three, but it's really one big question).

2) What is your sobriety plan? How do you plan on handling the additional stress that return to work will bring? Are you doing meetings, therapy, meditation, something else?

Keep it up. You can do this.
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Old 08-14-2018, 12:20 PM
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Thanks for your responses. It’s interesting hearing different and complementary opinions

My gut instinct is I need to cut back work to enable me to work on my sobriety , but this is obviously very hard in a world where money is very necessary! In fact I think I need to re-imagine my working life as the drive to impress seems less important now. Maybe that’ll return as sobriety develops

Mr M Man, replies to you

1 - I do enjoy it but I don’t enjoy the pressure. It does not give me energy but I do like most colleagues. As with dee a lot of pressure may be self induced but I don’t choose that here and now. I dread all the questions and demands on me

2 - my plan is a work in progress. Some very basic and practical stuff on the end of the work day (food, refuge etc). Some concrete plans to avoid risky situations. My work is not routine and this in itself is a challenge in my fledgling sobriety

The ongoing plan includes meditation and exercise, eating well, introducing a bit of routine to my life (there has been NONE for years). Someone said somewhere on here about not standing still but always trying to improve yourself and so I have aspirations on connecting with my spiritual self and approaching some really bad thinking patterns. But these are a bit longer term, I’m happy enough eating, sleeping, walking, meditating at being grateful at this early stage

Bottom line is I’m not going to drink, but I want to make my life better, and that of my family. I’m not sure going back to my old ways, minus drink, will do that

No rush deciding I guess
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Old 08-14-2018, 12:37 PM
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I work the same hours now as I did before. I'm just much more effective at my job.

Balancing work and sobriety is a necessity and I would never forgo one for the other, notwithstanding any additional stress work creates.

Moreover, I'd never prioritize meetings over work.

When I went to meetings, I went in the evenings.
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Old 08-14-2018, 11:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Ben123 View Post
I’m going back to work today (I run a small business that demands I work everyday, but today I’m back properly). I can’t bare thinking about it. I don’t want to go back. I dread it.
You need to change that and find something that you don't dread doing.

Is the business something you need to do personally and be hands on for. Can you not employ someone to take on some of the grind. You might earn less but you would have more time to do something else.
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Old 08-15-2018, 02:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Michael Gerber in The E-Myth Revisited
If your business depends on you, you don’t own a business—you have a job. And it’s the worst job in the world because you’re working for a lunatic!
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Old 08-15-2018, 03:24 AM
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My husbands biggest argument when I drank, wasn't that I drank, it was my inability to properly manage my time.
I didn't cut anything back, as mentioned above, efficiency improved. Now I find myself with more time.
When I drañk I frequently needed naps, now I will grab a couple hours once a month or so on a rainy Sunday. Or like last night, crash at 7pm because I was up all night the night before with a kid.
I quit drinking in October, there is no time off or opportunity to not be busy. Work, events, kids and they dance and skate and...
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