Why is self care so hard?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 84
Why is self care so hard?
Sorry I'm over posting. You would think every day would be silence appreciation day.
I look at myself my acne is here it's like you have nice face wash and topical ointments just do it like nike.
I look at my teeth getting yellower okay you have a tooth brush and whitening tooth paste brush them.
I look at my hairy legs, not motioned. You have razors and lotions just do it.
But if my drunk needed a toothbrush I would run to get him one, draw him a bath, massage his back. Make him a resume, get him a job, he maxed out my credit card 6 k I'm left thankfully with a mom who wants to help and one friend way down south in florida. I couldn't have friends with this one as that made me a bisexual. I stayed on the pill the entire year during his drunken rages he would say just tell me you had an abortion behind my back. Omg he was a lunatic everything was my fault. I been here before put 2 feet on solid ground and take a shower. I used to say try counseling no you are nuts go to the Looney ward you belong there. I didn't want to go today as I was reliving all that your crazy stuff go live in the Looney bin. I finally said he doesn't know what I'm up to I choose me I'm not going to inpatient I'm going to explain my ptsd is spiked, anxiety, and I'm hypersomnia please help me with outpatient to structure your my days. I commend myself, I salute myself for helping me finally. I have anger. Is all this normal?
Blessings
I look at myself my acne is here it's like you have nice face wash and topical ointments just do it like nike.
I look at my teeth getting yellower okay you have a tooth brush and whitening tooth paste brush them.
I look at my hairy legs, not motioned. You have razors and lotions just do it.
But if my drunk needed a toothbrush I would run to get him one, draw him a bath, massage his back. Make him a resume, get him a job, he maxed out my credit card 6 k I'm left thankfully with a mom who wants to help and one friend way down south in florida. I couldn't have friends with this one as that made me a bisexual. I stayed on the pill the entire year during his drunken rages he would say just tell me you had an abortion behind my back. Omg he was a lunatic everything was my fault. I been here before put 2 feet on solid ground and take a shower. I used to say try counseling no you are nuts go to the Looney ward you belong there. I didn't want to go today as I was reliving all that your crazy stuff go live in the Looney bin. I finally said he doesn't know what I'm up to I choose me I'm not going to inpatient I'm going to explain my ptsd is spiked, anxiety, and I'm hypersomnia please help me with outpatient to structure your my days. I commend myself, I salute myself for helping me finally. I have anger. Is all this normal?
Blessings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 84
Yes I have supports
From what I have heard from doctors, friends, and people who have clinician depressions or situational depression the first thing to go is hygiene. Supports can't put you in the shower. Just trying to make light out of something very much not funny. I snap out of it and bathe as no one wants to stink but self care is hard in the midst of being overwhelmed and hurt. At least for me for people who get right up and bathe I wish I was in your shoes and I will be. Been here before plenty a times. I think I'm cautious if I come out dressed nicely I'll get hit on or bothered by another broken person. So go out looking a mess to avoid unneeded stress. Sounds like a survival tactic to me.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
self care is hard in the midst of being overwhelmed and hurt
Absolutely.
So go out looking a mess to avoid unneeded stress. Sounds like a survival tactic to me.
What anyone else thinks is not my business. If I'm alive, that's what counts.
Survival tactics are there for a reason.
Depression, trauma and being completely overwhelmed are not things that are healed by wishing they would be.
Do you have any active plan for your recovery?
Absolutely.
So go out looking a mess to avoid unneeded stress. Sounds like a survival tactic to me.
What anyone else thinks is not my business. If I'm alive, that's what counts.
Survival tactics are there for a reason.
Depression, trauma and being completely overwhelmed are not things that are healed by wishing they would be.
Do you have any active plan for your recovery?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 84
Originally Posted by Mango212 
self care is hard in the midst of being overwhelmed and hurt
Absolutely.
So go out looking a mess to avoid unneeded stress. Sounds like a survival tactic to me.
What anyone else thinks is not my business. If I'm alive, that's what counts.
Survival tactics are there for a reason.
Absolutely.
So go out looking a mess to avoid unneeded stress. Sounds like a survival tactic to me.
What anyone else thinks is not my business. If I'm alive, that's what counts.
Survival tactics are there for a reason.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 84
Plan
Self care ie: three squares, shower in am, some type of exercise
Journaling daily
Bible study Wednesday
Church Sunday
No dating, sex for quite some time.
Therapist once A week as I have,been doing for years.
Some meetings at least 2 a week
My biggest goal: packing it up and never looking back. Relocation. The memories are very vivid and intrusive out here and interfere with my level of functioning.
I agree I can't sit around waiting on it I have to want it. You are right it is much easier said than done. But, I have done it before I can do it again.
That's my plan
Journaling daily
Bible study Wednesday
Church Sunday
No dating, sex for quite some time.
Therapist once A week as I have,been doing for years.
Some meetings at least 2 a week
My biggest goal: packing it up and never looking back. Relocation. The memories are very vivid and intrusive out here and interfere with my level of functioning.
I agree I can't sit around waiting on it I have to want it. You are right it is much easier said than done. But, I have done it before I can do it again.
That's my plan
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi shredder...
I think many of us have been in your place to one extent or another. You know what I've learned? You are a person who is worthy of respect, who has an inherent dignity. You should be treated as such, and that includes caring for your self. It especially means caring for yourself.
He did not care for you in the way you deserve. So, now is the time for you to treat yourself in the way you deserve, and someday you will find a man who treats you well and loves you for all that you are.
Treating yourself well and with respect includes:
Making proper rest, food, and water a priority.
Taking the time to look and feel your best.
Taking the time, when not at work, to pursue *your* interests.
And if you don't know what your interests are, perhaps you can make the time to find out what interests you in this big, wide world.
Please know you *are* worthy of all this and more.
I hope today is just a bit brighter!!
S
I think many of us have been in your place to one extent or another. You know what I've learned? You are a person who is worthy of respect, who has an inherent dignity. You should be treated as such, and that includes caring for your self. It especially means caring for yourself.
He did not care for you in the way you deserve. So, now is the time for you to treat yourself in the way you deserve, and someday you will find a man who treats you well and loves you for all that you are.
Treating yourself well and with respect includes:
Making proper rest, food, and water a priority.
Taking the time to look and feel your best.
Taking the time, when not at work, to pursue *your* interests.
And if you don't know what your interests are, perhaps you can make the time to find out what interests you in this big, wide world.
Please know you *are* worthy of all this and more.
I hope today is just a bit brighter!!
S
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Showers are a good thing my friend, I always feel better when I am clean.
No one is asking you to run..... baby steps are all you can do today, that is good thing. Even a crawl will get you a little further.
Education.... read about us "codies" and how to believe in ourselves that we are so worthy of a healthy relationship with ourselves and then other people.
Have an amazing day and put a smile on your face. You are alive!!!
Hugs!!
No one is asking you to run..... baby steps are all you can do today, that is good thing. Even a crawl will get you a little further.
Education.... read about us "codies" and how to believe in ourselves that we are so worthy of a healthy relationship with ourselves and then other people.
Have an amazing day and put a smile on your face. You are alive!!!
Hugs!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
There are days that it's just...hard. Thing is, you make yourself do it. Get up, get going, do something with yourself. Go to counseling. I never want to go, but EVERY SINGLE TIME, I am glad I did. Stop thinking in terms of what you did or would do for him and focus on what you deserve to do FOR YOURSELF.
Big hugs!
Big hugs!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
this is where we need to break things down into manageable bits....one of the decluttering methods by flylady suggests setting a timer for 15 minutes and doing what one can in that time. no more, no less. what we discover is actually what CAN be accomplished in what seems like such a short period of time.
we CAN manage a shower. we just have to get up, grab a towel, and go in. we aren't thinking about the other 500 things we THINK we need to do NOW, we do ONE thing. in the moment. we can then stay in a damp towel OR put on clean clothes.
we hand wash dishes and so i don't often get ALL the dishes done in one go. but i get SOME of them done. so the next time i pass by the sink, i can SEE the results of my efforts. well look at that....i DID that!
manageable bits. baby steps. one thing at a time.
we CAN manage a shower. we just have to get up, grab a towel, and go in. we aren't thinking about the other 500 things we THINK we need to do NOW, we do ONE thing. in the moment. we can then stay in a damp towel OR put on clean clothes.
we hand wash dishes and so i don't often get ALL the dishes done in one go. but i get SOME of them done. so the next time i pass by the sink, i can SEE the results of my efforts. well look at that....i DID that!
manageable bits. baby steps. one thing at a time.
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