AwkwardKitty

I have been reading on here for about an hour (and intermittently all day) but my AV keeps popping up telling me sober is boring, I don't want to be sober, I can drink tomorrow, what a shame I'm not drinking today, I've at least got to have a drink at a wedding in a few weeks, drinking isn't that bad,I didn't feel that bad yesterday, I was being dramatic!

I keep 'playing the tape forward', challenging my AV, redirecting my mind back to positive thoughts of sobriety and how good sober feels but it feels really hard, like my mind feels physically fuzzy, its like the AV has control and my real internal voice has to fight through the fuzz and quickly disappears, it feels like a physical version of white noise. I've never had this before (or at least never noticed it in this way). I can physically actually feel my head buzzing. It's so strange.

AwkwardKitty

It's like I can actually feel the thoughts fighting in my brain.

tekink

When all I knew was drinking the idea of being sober didn't sound very fun to me either.

I was wrong! Hang in there it just takes time.

D122y

Awk,

Imo...you are experiencing the brain damage from booze.

It only gets worse from drinking.

It only gets better when we stop.

I crave too, but after all this time, I can power through.

Between day 1 and day 500, the crave could be relentless.

That is why there is such a small success rate in quitting.

Posting helps, but the suffering is hell.

Everything is a trigger.

It takes a month or so to get over the physical addiction.

Then the mental ramps up.

Those few minutes of euphoria are not worth it.

Thanks.

Dee74

My advice is don't fight - ignore. You already know that what the AV wants is not what you want. Why even discuss it?

Try and think of the AV as a toddler throwing a tantrum...you don't reward tantrums you can't reason with a tantrum and you can't discuss a tantrum... you let them tire themselves out and go to sleep.

you have more important things to do than drinking.

D

bexxed

You know, I’ve regretted a lot of things. Relevant to this post, I regretted a certain margarita I had in July 2011 that got me going again after a three week sober patch. I came to regret every single time I put alcohol in my body after saying I would stop.

But I never have regretted not drinking. I have never woken up the day after a sober day prior and thought “why didn’t I drink yesterday? Man, that was dumb.”

lessgravity

I totally agree with Dee. I think all of us have experienced what you're describing. I've used the phrase divided self. It's a strange and unique experience, not entirely specific to addicts, but certainly one that many of us have had very visceral and intense experiences with. The best tact is to ignore. As usual Dee is spot-on. I found that over time the divided self starts to fade and you realize that the true self has one out. The true self wants to be sober. But it's a tough fight. And one that sometimes is not even worth having.

Nonsensical

It isn't like that, AK.
It's EXACTLY that.

The addicted part of your brain (Google "amygdala complex" for details) is trying to get what it wants and the rational part of your brain (cerebral cortex) is arguing with it. Maddening right? I literally thought I was going insane when it was happening to me. I didn't know this is what addiction is.

Here's the secret (that isn't really a secret) to getting that addicted voice to quiet down: Starve it. It's the only way.
It can't be educated, intimidated, or shamed. It cannot be reasoned with. It will break every promise or deal you think you've made with it. It is a liar and a thief.
It.
Must.
Be.
Starved.

You can do this.

bunchie

I have been feeling the alcohol voice as well, I am new to sobriety, heavy binge drinking on weekends for years, I coming to realize that the av is really us, I do not separate it, like other threads I have read people separate the AV from their self , whatever works for you I guess, I just know it's my brain trying to get the poison back in my system, I go for a walk or pull into hockey rink watch a game, go to gym sometimes twice in a day just to kill time. From what I am learning the cravings will become less intense over time and go away .

mns1

Hey AK I know what you mean have you tried challenging your AV to move your muscles?

Something I’ve been doing that I borrowed from RR/AVRT is challening my AV to move my body, as if you say, “ Go ahead, make me get up and go get a drink.”

This is a cool way to show how powerless it is over your body the AV can mess with your thoughts all day long but one thing it can not do is control your body. Only you can do that.

It’s like Dee said the AV is like a toddler deny it what it wants and it will cry itself to sleep