Kejun

hey guys,

approaching seven months sober and life has got good. Took me a while to reach accepting the past (most of it!) and stopping berating myself for my many mistakes but yes, life is good and I am happy.

Problem: I have learned from a friend in AA (someone I trust without question and have no reason to doubt) that my sponsor has shared in meetings where I am not present and discussed me in his shares. Whilst he doesnt go into mad detail, he has mentioned about me grieving about the loss of a relationship (I have spoken about numerous times on here).

I did not feel happy that he would speak of me even without mentioning my name directly, I am around the rooms often, it does not take long to figure out who is sponsoring who where I am located.

A couple of other reasons have led me to the conclusion I have no trust or confidence in my (soon to be) former sponsor.

Whilst I feel I have made my mind up, I would like some views from those with similar experience or experienced members who have an opinion on this?

Thank you.

Gerard52

Kejun, seems you have good reason to be concerned. At end of the day if you have lost confidence in your sponsor warranted or otherwise it is time to find a new one.

kevlarsjal2

Hi Kejun! I also lost confidence in my sponsor a while ago and stopped meeting her. As far as I know she never shared any information about me but she would barely answer the phone or my texts, it happened a few times that I wanted to talk to her about something I didn't know how to deal with and it took her days to get back to me. I know a sponsor isn't supposed to be a baby sitter but she just had so much going on in her own life and seemed rather unstable so I felt like she was just not able to deal with it at that point.
I know there are probably lots of different opinions on this but if you have the option, I would try it with someone else if you don't have a good feeling with your current sponsor.

least

Have you brought it up with him? I'd ask him directly and see what he says.

DontRemember

** I've never had an official sponsor nor taken the steps**

With that said; In my time in/around various AA meetings, sometimes when someone shares something they're going through, I'll bring up some stuff other's have told me in confidence. If I feel it will help someone, I have shared someone else's 'stuff'/story'. No names or direct events..just in a generally speaking sort of way. "I've heard this said before'".type stuff.."and this is what helped them".. Maybe since this trusted friend of yours is also aware of the vivid details of your breakup and exactly who your sponsor is, they're more inclined to know he's mentioning your story..ask the sponsor if you want,but keep in mind you are also still VERY sensitive about the events of your split and pretty new on your recovery journey and so am I.. I was sensitive as hell for the first year or so. Think on it for a while and talk with him about it, is my advice/opinion.

D122y

kej,

Not in AA, but went to several meetings. I was pressured to get a sponser, but never did because I didn't really feel it.

A few guys offered to be a temp sponser, which was very nice of them. I even called one once to tell him thanks. It was an awkward call.

Anyway, AA not my area, but my gut is pretty good. If you are a trusting/forgiving type you can talk to them. That is my gut.

If there are other issues causing concern, move on. Not sure of the qualification requirements for being a sponser, but I am pretty sure there is a bunch of OJT.

Thanks.

Kejun

I am happy I posted what I did as you guys have given me some great responses - I appreciate them

There are other concerns I have and truly feel it best to give my thanks to him and move on. This feels like the right thing to me and will go with it.