lessgravity

Spending some time at a beautiful beach home with family who enjoy wine, sometimes a lot of it. I feel great sober. Life is changing, and has changed, for the better in every way possible since I finally quit drinking. I'm in the low 100s, need to check my sober counter on my phone but it's going to be 4 months sober in a few days - most in my life after some horrid drinking spells in the past year, and decades of giving in to the addiction.

But the little, devious, persistent, irrational, unreasonable, cruel, lying demons reappear still. They whisper just how sweet it would be to have a big, cold glass of that expensive Chardonnay everyone else is enjoying.

I "know" better - but it doesn't matter. They still whisper. In the face of the demons I play the movie out. I dwell on the depth of pain and misery I was in only a few months ago - the vomit, the deceit, the shame. But the demons still flit about. I brush them away.

In the end, regardless of the false romance the demons want me to imagine was my drinking life, I'm not drinking no matter what. In the end it's still the same - no one is coming to save me.

trachemys

No one has to come save you. You've done that yourself.

Atlast9999

Those demons sure like to fly around, don’t they? Good for you for playing the tape out and remembering why you chose sobriety. Wishing you a lovely time at your beach house.

John65

Well done lg, you know that the booze nostalgia is BS and really just a quick road back to hell.

Appreciate the beauty and enjoy the beach.

OneDayOneHour

That was really well said lessgravity and almost four months is amazing! I can't wait to get there myself. Enjoy the beach - I love walking on the sand early in the morning when it's empty and the water is calm. Beats a hangover anyday.

Cuckoo

Huge well done....wish I was you. ENJOY x

PalmerSage

I just got back from the beach, and it was tough at first. Seeing someone make a drink at noon (basically having it socially acceptable to drink the way I wanted to) definitely caused some nostalgic feelings to come back. You're smart to play the tape through, and think of all the things you can do that you wouldn't be able to manage drunk. Once I made it through the initial cravings, it became the best vacation I've had in years.

DreamCatcher17

I am glad you played that tape

entropy1964

Great job LG. And wine? It actually isn't all 'that' good! They say that most people, when blind folded, have a pretty hard time distinguishing really good wine from pretty average stuff. Mindfulman, not included in this of course!

When I think of wine I think of my last drunk: Box wine (Black box to be specific) purchased from supermarket at 6am. So sick I could barely keep any down but forcing it down because I was so sick I needed it. Throwing it right back up, everywhere. OH GAWD. Guess it was good I hadn't eaten in a few days. Awwww good times!

Ladysadie

You give us all inspiration, Less!

ChloeRose63

Thanks for sharing.

soberista

Hey dont worry! Im at 7 months and they still flit about...pathetic arent they. Had one today...booking a holiday..flitted about with a "Glass of wine on holiday...now wouldnt that be nice" Sod off. Play the tape....normal service is resumed. Well done. Theres nothing good about being *********, saying stuff you dont remember in the morning, offending folk, blacking oit then feeling the guilt and shame and nursing a hangover for the whole of the next day. Sober life? LOVE it!!

least

I don't know about anyone else, but I could be in a winery and it wouldn't make a difference because I don't drink. It's no longer an option, even if I'm surrounded by it.

Helianthus

But just think, you will be at a beautiful beach house, you can breath in the sea air and experience the sunrise/sunset and let it fill your soul with happiness because of everything you have achieved since you got sober. You will get to appreciate it so much more than everyone who is wasted at dinnertime and too hungover in the morning to see all that beauty

Stay strong x

apollo986

Way to go LG!- I'm right behind you at 110.

tekink

Yup those thoughts can kick in at any time! I remember my first weekend get away. That's when I realized exactly how little my wife actually drinks. Every time we went out to dinner she'd drink 1/2 of one drink.

I had the sudden realization I used to finish her drinks off every time!

Dee74

I'd be surprised if you didn't hear the voice being early in recovery and that situation less.

You might feel a little miserable, maybe even sorry for yourself, maybe even an irrational anger - but, of course as you already know, you can make it through sober

D

BDTL

Well done LG! I think the last time I was sober at the beach was in 1962. I'm looking forward to going back one day and sitting on a deck somewhere taking in all the wonder of it and waking up feeling like a champ.

snitch

Oh yes, I know this feeling well. At 3 and a half months sober last weekend at the beach was pretty tortourous for me as my addiction was poking me incessantly. "Look at everyone drinking, enjoying wine in the sun, just a couple will be fine." Aggggggg! It was relentless all weekend. But like you, I kept playing that tape forward. No just one or two for me. EVER! Even the mere thought of just one or two made me feel irritable. Give me more!!!! Drink, drink, drink, cry, get angry, pass out. How much fun is that?! Today I so glad I didn't give in to the AV and my sober muscles got a little stronger. Enjoy the beach!!

snitch

Totally. This is the beauty of sobriety.