Pajanickah

I'm really realizing more than ever this morning that I really put my body through it over the past week. I barely slept again and woke up pretty irritable and anxious. It was that light sleep where it feels like you're not sleeping, but you are and you feel every moment pass, trying my hardest not to let my brain go into a dark space. It's exhausting. This hasn't happened to me in almost a year.

Sleep is instilled with almost every decision I make during the day because of how early I work in the mornings (5:30am). From eating, to caffene intake to exercize. I really try to focus on how well I'm going to sleep that night. I've always stuggled with the night time through withdrawal. It honestly scares me. I could be fine all day, but once I lay my head, everything changes mentally for me. Paranoia plays a big part into it. I'm still having major paranoia about getting robbed at night by the homeless guy I opened my house up to. That and going back to work tomorrow. I also have been locking myself in my room because of the fear I have about being robbed. It also really irritates me when people call me after 9pm. I usually put my phone on airplane mode so I won't even see a notification if someone even tries to reach me. I also have a three hour wind down period where I light candles and incense. That's how serious I am about sleep. Does anyone else do this? Am I crazy?

I honestly don't have an excuse for taking off personal time this week and I don't like lying to my employer and coworkers. So tomorrow should be very interesting and overwhelming. However I'm trying to find ways to not overthink it. I know this will pass in a few days, but I just can't help it. So my focus right now is getting through my shift tomorrow without being caught up in lies.

I do have plans to keep busy today and get a really good clean in my house. I ate pretty well yesterday after the anxiety subsided. Really drinking lots of water and Gatorade. I however am really reluctant to touch coffee yet. Hopefully tomorrow. I really love coffee!

I haven't been on social media since, Thursday which I find to be an incredible mental break. I can't bring myself to delete the apps yet. I'm paranoid that if I open to uninstall it, I may see that one post that just ruins my day and triggers me to do something stupid. It's crazy. I've literally been reading here and posting since Thursday. It's been a major help with a little piece of mind. So yea, 2 days clean from alcohol and 3 days clean from social media.

Looking forward to talking to everyone here throughout the day!

-Nick

Numblady

Way to go on Day 2 and on sparing yourself the drama that can come from social media. I’m sorry about the sleep and I hope tonight goes better for you so going back to work feels like a healthy return to routine and not something causing you so much anxiety. I don’t blame you for worrying about the homeless guy breaking in but is there much chance it could actually happen, and if so, is there anything you can do to make it less likely (e.g. another dead bolt?). Thinking good thoughts for you!

biminiblue

Really great.

The sleep will come.

The mind will quiet.

Maybe not today, but have faith that it will.




yeah, I stopped with facebook ten years ago, and at the same time I got rid of network and cable TV. I don't need those aggravations of gossip, news, and commercials . A few shows I watch on Netflix...much better for me.

John65

Hi Nick,

Well done.

Have considered that some your paranoia and anxiety might be down to your daily weed intake?

It's certainly good to have a wind down period before sleeping, turning off tv, computers etc. an hour or more before bedtime. Some essential oils can be a great help too.

Hope you have a good day.

J

Pajanickah

I need my work routine back in my life. Being stagnant increases my anxiety. My anxiety with work right now is trying to explain why I needed to take a week off.

With the being robbed situation, Ive already put up a security camera in my house and I was thinking of transferring to a different apartment in my complex. Moving doesn't sound fun, but the stress of obsessing about being robbed or hurt is a much bigger issue to me.

I just want one good work week under my belt before I make any decisions on that because I think a lot of the obsessing is coming from drinking way too much.

Pajanickah

I got rid of my cable earlier this year and that is one of the best decisions I've made. I do really like watching the news in the morning, but now I listen to npr. Much more relaxing.

Pajanickah

I find weed to really help me out with my anxiety and inspire me to be proactive. I try to use it as a mental relief and be concise of how much I'm smoking or when I'm smoking it. For instance, right now I'm not using it because it will indefinitely make me anxious because my brain is not mentally stable right now to try to mentally control the effects. I probably won't smoke for a good two weeks. Whenever I was drinking I would never combine the two because I get super paranoid. I also don't smoke until I have completed everything that has needed to be done with my day - and with that, I smoke a very small amount of low grade, southern weed.

I know it sounds like I'm justifying weed, because I am. It's been a really good tool for me in so many positive ways for my mental peace, but I only smoke it daily when my mind is at rest. I hope this made sense.

biminiblue

Well, no one here is going to agree that any amount of weed is a good thing.

Why not just drop it while you're dropping alcohol? It really isn't a good or necessary thing...and it does cause additional mental/emotional problems.

Pajanickah

I may just. It's not hard to put down. We'll see how things go.

thomas11

The sleep will come as the body normalizes itself. I remember a handful times where I went 30-40 hrs with no sleep while withdrawing. Never again.

I never smoked pot, but I know you won't get "support" here for its use. Its sobriety website, so that makes sense.

VigilanceNow

Hi Paj,

I think it's safe to say that anyone who has gone through any level of withdrawal has experienced the sleep disruption that you speak of here. It can certainly be terrible and all-consuming, I know this all too well. It can take a bit of time to get back on schedule, but as others have said, your body will correct itself as long as you abstain from drinking.

One thing to note that might motivate you is that if you pick up again, the sleep disruption will most likely be worse. Over the course of my years attempting recovery, I've had many relapses - some really severe, some not so severe - ALL with bad consequences no matter how you look at it. Even one night several months ago I made the stupid decision to have some champagne to celebrate a friend's engagement. I thought it's just champagne, it's basically a lightly alcoholic soda?? NOPE. I had just a pinch more than I had planned on, but was basically fine. That night and the following 2 nights I experienced insomnia and that very same "light" sleeping you described in your post. It's not worth it.

I would also suggest not getting into weed as a way to relax. All too often I have seen alcoholics replace one drug with another. While I'm fine with marijuana in general for those who can use it recreationally, I think it's a dangerous precedent to set for those of us with alcohol problems. You'll feel much better once everything is out of your system and you can fall asleep normally again, which I assure you will happen in sobriety!!

MantaLady

There is a great app called Insight Timer which has thousands of meditations on it that I have started using. You can search for meditation to aid sleep with or without music and for however long you want to do it, 10 mins, an hour, whatever. There are lots of others for anxiety too but maybe try it out at bedtime and see if it can calm your mood and mind a little. Been working well for me! xx

DontRemember

If you're stressing about that guy maybe go buy some extra locks for doors/windows. They have those 'siren' like things too that blast if a door/window is opened.

82Curls

Congrats on your progress so far my friend. The insomnia of early recovery is horrible, I had it all last week.

Good news of course, is that it passes! 😊

Hope you're day is going well.

16YearsDrunk

Hey Nick, congratulations on day 2! You're walking in the right direction my friend and that takes some courage.

The sleep will improve. It takes time. You'll have some days where you're absolutely exhausted. The drying process causes chemical changes to happen in the body and those chemicals will be unbalanced. This can cause all sorts of mental health problems, and physical issues. But they will balance out eventually.

Regarding your employer. Tough one. I feel like right now you should put yourself first, but I also know it's difficult when you're financially dependant on your job. Are you able to talk to your employer openly? You could visit your doctor and he can sort a sick note (you can do this in the UK, unsure of other countries).

I found me time to be very beneficial. Lounging around without a worry in the world. If I felt sleepy I/d just collapse where ever and rest up.

The withdrawal process is worse than some common illnesses.

Social media is poison all around. I don't entertain it. I can't miss what I don't know about. I used to be a social media addict but I quit in 2015. The important people in my life call me, those that don't call me are obviously not that important to me. Let's not open that tin of worms though. Congrats on 3 days!

But well done for taking the step. Your post comes across as very determined. Keeping busy is a good idea. In time you will be well again and will not have any withdrawal symptoms. I'm 13 weeks in and I'm already feeling so much better.

I need to quit smoking next. 1 thing at a time though.

16YearsDrunk

Quitting 2 things at once is never a good idea. Tried multiple times. Failed. I'm a cannabis smoker myself who uses it to treat anxiety. I have terrible agoraphobia related to Aspergers. I am prone to sensory overload and when that happens it causes something called a meltdown.

The sun, the hustle and bustle, cars, noise, being near other people ... are all examples of things that cause sensory overload, then meltdowns. This is no strictly an anxiety problem I've been like this all my life since a kid and is related to my Aspergers.

Thus I rarely leave the house. But, if I smoke it's as if my senses are not running on overtime. I can go out the house to the shops, or the park. Alone too. I really enjoy the outdoors when I feel relaxed.

There's no real cure for Aspergers only learning to deal with things but that won't stop my senses being overloaded. I'm wired differently upstairs.

I believe I've developed a dependance. But I don't see that as any different than being dependant on an anti-depressent (which I'm also taking, but that doesn't touch the agoraphobia, no medication ever has). Provided it's actually doing something positive and consumed in a healthy manor it's just as much a medicine as any prescription drug and in many parts of the world used that way legally.

It's in a class of it's own when comparing it to any other drug tbh and it's unfair to classify it on the level of alcohol, cocaine, heroin etc. Just saying, that in certain cases it does have it's uses and not everyone disagrees

Pajanickah

So, I'm ending day 2. Got most of everything I wanted to get done except go to the laundry mat, but that'll give me something to do tomorrow after work.

Found myself really irritated and irritable through the second half of the day. Felt like everyone driving on the road today were out of their minds. Felt like I was very overwhelmed and had to take many breaks while cleaning my house, but my house is clean so clear house clear mind.

I'm feeling like I will have decent rest tonight, however I'm still really sweating. So all the usual withdrawal symptoms. I'm just happy I've made it through the peak of those withdrawals.

Still a little worried about work tomorrow, but I've just got to let that worry go. I'm just going to tell them I had a big family issue and it's something I really don't want to talk about. I'll be fine.

Hope everyone is doing well!

-Nick

Dee74

You sound a lot better Nick - good to hear

I think it its not hard to put down, then put it down - cross addiction (taking up a new addiction when putting down an old one) is a real thing - and the propensity for something you can take or leave suddenly becoming a necessity is pretty high.

I put down daily smoking of weed and picked up my alcohol abuse.


well, my experience is different - all my addictions were intertwined - it made no sense just to put down one and not the others. ..

I put them all down - it was hard but not impossible - and I think that's the reason why I'm still in recovery today.

D

least

Sleep will come. Be patient. You're still in physical withdrawal so expect to feel anxious. Be good to yourself with regard to food sleep and exercise. It will get better, the longer you stay sober.