Wanting to cave
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Wanting to cave
Tonight I've found myself wanting to drink, drink till I don't care anymore, drink till I feel like crap tomorrow, even though that's the thing I've probably enjoyed the most missing out on. Nothing really happened to trigger it. My "stepmom" sent me a friend request on Facebook, and I know that sounds like a really dumb trigger, but she is an instant anxiety trigger of mine. I even have a name for it. Nonetheless, something so minor shouldn't be the reason I wanted to drink bottles of wine. I'm not really sure if it came from that, and that just gave me an "excuse" to validate my wine craving. Out of habit, I even went down to my car. Because I ALWAYS had bottles of wine in the car. I stocked up on those guys every chance I got. I had a small winery in my trunk. Knowing they were there was a daily mental comfort, but they were also just far enough away, where I wouldn't make a huge trek outside on any given night, unless something really went wrong and I really "needed" them.
Tonight, I thought for SURE I had to have one residual bottle of wine somewhere in that trunk. Or under a seat somewhere. Negative. All I found was an empty Tupperware thing I brought home from lunch at work last week, and the half empty La Croix can in the cup holder from my errands this morning. And I came back to reality. Came back upstairs, took a long shower, and am polishing off another La Croix with some Netflix.
No clue what happened to my mind tonight. It's the first time I've wanted to drink and drink, for absolutely no reason, in a long time. I’m sure, now, it wasn't the "stepmom" FB thing. I couldn't care less about that! I'd been wanting the wine even before that. That's just the only "thing" that happened today that I could even slightly chalk this up to. I don't think there really was a reason for it, but I'm happy and proud of myself to be going to bed with my clear head!
Tonight, I thought for SURE I had to have one residual bottle of wine somewhere in that trunk. Or under a seat somewhere. Negative. All I found was an empty Tupperware thing I brought home from lunch at work last week, and the half empty La Croix can in the cup holder from my errands this morning. And I came back to reality. Came back upstairs, took a long shower, and am polishing off another La Croix with some Netflix.
No clue what happened to my mind tonight. It's the first time I've wanted to drink and drink, for absolutely no reason, in a long time. I’m sure, now, it wasn't the "stepmom" FB thing. I couldn't care less about that! I'd been wanting the wine even before that. That's just the only "thing" that happened today that I could even slightly chalk this up to. I don't think there really was a reason for it, but I'm happy and proud of myself to be going to bed with my clear head!
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by DontRemember 
I used to have insane 'reasons' to get loaded. With enough time it/they stop popping up. Did you bring in the empty tuprerware thing to wash? 
And, thank you!!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Posts like this are scary because I can relate so much.
I’m sitting here in Day 7 feeling utterly committed and with the confidence that there is no way I’m going to drink. But in the back of my mind I know I could have the OPs experience in the next few hours.
A good post and a good word of caution.
I’m sitting here in Day 7 feeling utterly committed and with the confidence that there is no way I’m going to drink. But in the back of my mind I know I could have the OPs experience in the next few hours.
A good post and a good word of caution.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 350
We all have our moments!
I am now 7 months sober.
I went to my town fair the other day and there were lots of stalls.
I went on the tombola which is an instant raffle and won with every ticket.
I won four bottles of red wine and a bottle of cheap champagne.
This is when I remembered the dream that I had a couple of nights before of doing just that, in the dream I went into a shop after winning on the tombola and bought lottery tickets and won fifty thousand pounds!
So what I did next was go to a shop bought 2 lottery scratch cards and guess what I won on both £1 and £5. Not quite how it happened in the dream but pretty damned impressive.
My luck in life had been crap up till this point it would seem it had finally had taken a turn.
It was like I could not loose. I even said that out loud.
I went home and put the bottles on the side and stood there looking at them. It was a hot day and boy the things that went through my mind AV going crazy to get me off the wagon.
Well I am pleased to report that having been truly tested I put the bottles in a bag and took them to my mothers some 100 miles away.
I did not want them there teasing me Dày in and Dày out now they are available to the rest of my family and mothers friends who do not share my problem.
You readers are probably saying no way, really! But the above is absolutely true!
To happy endings!😁
I am now 7 months sober.
I went to my town fair the other day and there were lots of stalls.
I went on the tombola which is an instant raffle and won with every ticket.
I won four bottles of red wine and a bottle of cheap champagne.
This is when I remembered the dream that I had a couple of nights before of doing just that, in the dream I went into a shop after winning on the tombola and bought lottery tickets and won fifty thousand pounds!
So what I did next was go to a shop bought 2 lottery scratch cards and guess what I won on both £1 and £5. Not quite how it happened in the dream but pretty damned impressive.
My luck in life had been crap up till this point it would seem it had finally had taken a turn.
It was like I could not loose. I even said that out loud.
I went home and put the bottles on the side and stood there looking at them. It was a hot day and boy the things that went through my mind AV going crazy to get me off the wagon.
Well I am pleased to report that having been truly tested I put the bottles in a bag and took them to my mothers some 100 miles away.
I did not want them there teasing me Dày in and Dày out now they are available to the rest of my family and mothers friends who do not share my problem.
You readers are probably saying no way, really! But the above is absolutely true!
To happy endings!😁
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 327
For the last week or so I've been watching Dr. Joe Dispenza videos on YouTube. One thing he talks about is how we let our emotions control our thinking. With alcohol, we have conditioned ourselves to go to the drink anytime we are happy, sad, or angry. It's normal that your emotions are producing thoughts of "let's have a drink". They freaked me out too early on, but those thoughts are normal (and will fade in time). For now just remember that a thought is just a thought, and your emotions can control them.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Sometimes the most insignificant of things/events can be a trigger. That is why is is so important to have a recovery plan in place. What to do, who to call, what to write, posting here...such plans can act as a 'safety switch' that kicks in before the tought of boozing turns into actual boozing.
You have done well.
Keep posting.
Support to you.
You have done well.
Keep posting.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
I can completely relate to this. There are days that I have this twisted sense of "missing" the feeling of being intoxicated, even though I hate and despise the aftermath. For me, acknowledging that at one point in my life I actually enjoyed drinking is productive to my recovery. When I get the urge to drink, which isn't often but also isn't never, I acknowledge it and take a moment to stop what I'm doing and reflect. For me, denying and/or squashing those feelings is akin to putting them aside so they can grow until I inevitably find them later.
I think it's great that you're aware that the stepmother excuse is just that - an excuse. While I'm sure she does trigger stress in you, it sounds to me like you wanted to drink and any excuse would've sufficed. That's how I am.
I'm so glad you pulled through this one! Try keeping a little journal of times that you seriously consider drinking and write down any random thoughts and musings during those moments. They're fascinating to read later, and can really reveal a lot about our own recovery process
I think it's great that you're aware that the stepmother excuse is just that - an excuse. While I'm sure she does trigger stress in you, it sounds to me like you wanted to drink and any excuse would've sufficed. That's how I am.
I'm so glad you pulled through this one! Try keeping a little journal of times that you seriously consider drinking and write down any random thoughts and musings during those moments. They're fascinating to read later, and can really reveal a lot about our own recovery process
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by J50
For the last week or so I've been watching Dr. Joe Dispenza videos on YouTube. One thing he talks about is how we let our emotions control our thinking. With alcohol, we have conditioned ourselves to go to the drink anytime we are happy, sad, or angry. It's normal that your emotions are producing thoughts of "let's have a drink". They freaked me out too early on, but those thoughts are normal (and will fade in time). For now just remember that a thought is just a thought, and your emotions can control them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Sometimes the most insignificant of things/events can be a trigger. That is why is is so important to have a recovery plan in place. What to do, who to call, what to write, posting here...such plans can act as a 'safety switch' that kicks in before the tought of boozing turns into actual boozing.
You have done well.
Keep posting.
Support to you.
You have done well.
Keep posting.
Support to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by VigilanceNow
I can completely relate to this. There are days that I have this twisted sense of "missing" the feeling of being intoxicated, even though I hate and despise the aftermath. For me, acknowledging that at one point in my life I actually enjoyed drinking is productive to my recovery. When I get the urge to drink, which isn't often but also isn't never, I acknowledge it and take a moment to stop what I'm doing and reflect. For me, denying and/or squashing those feelings is akin to putting them aside so they can grow until I inevitably find them later.
I think it's great that you're aware that the stepmother excuse is just that - an excuse. While I'm sure she does trigger stress in you, it sounds to me like you wanted to drink and any excuse would've sufficed. That's how I am.
I'm so glad you pulled through this one! Try keeping a little journal of times that you seriously consider drinking and write down any random thoughts and musings during those moments. They're fascinating to read later, and can really reveal a lot about our own recovery process
I think it's great that you're aware that the stepmother excuse is just that - an excuse. While I'm sure she does trigger stress in you, it sounds to me like you wanted to drink and any excuse would've sufficed. That's how I am.
I'm so glad you pulled through this one! Try keeping a little journal of times that you seriously consider drinking and write down any random thoughts and musings during those moments. They're fascinating to read later, and can really reveal a lot about our own recovery process
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