GreatInquiry7

I’m early on in my process and feeling confident. The only thoughts that give me anxiety are the thoughts of going to work functions / weddings that I cannot skip.

In the past people I’ve known at these events have drank with me but I do not want to drink and there will be pressure.

I’m planning on a cop out like antibiotics, or I’m not feeling well - but my conscience says just man up and say no thank you.

Work events are what irk me the most but I have weddings come as well.

Another thing like this is dating, but I’m not worried about that so much as I can take my time.

Any advice on saying no to things like this? I know it sounds stupid because... you just say no. But I’d also like to minimize awkward feelings with important relationships as much as possible.

PS - I’m not a daily drinker but when I slip and slip bad the binges can go on for 7-10 days. I am done with that and don’t need it in my life any more. Being around alcohol alone doesn’t trigger me at all. I’m just nervous about social pressure/work pressure/dating pressure.

least

I find a simple 'no thanks, I don't drink' is sufficient. If it's someone who knew you when you were drinking, you can just say you don't drink anymore. If anyone asks why, I would turn the question back to them and ask them, does it bother you that I don't drink? That usually stops them cold.

DontRemember

I've stopped with the 'BS excuses' I used to use when newly sober. I don't go full disclosure or anything now,but a "nah..i'm good" and "no thanks..I'll pass" work just the same as any other thing I could/would say. I'm an adult and make my own mind up,so no need to say anything else. Also, we tend to think other's really care if we drink or not...they don't.

Ghostlight1

Good question, I had a hard time at first, too.
I carry around a 7-UP maybe with lemon.
I was amazed at how many people really didn't care that I quit drinking, so don't read too much into it.
My philosophy is, let 'em drink. Watch 'em drink and turn into instant fools and make asses out of themselves.
I stayed on the sidelines at first. Then began to slowly mix in as I felt comfortable.
Be yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation. A simple 'No thanks' goes a long way.

PalmerSage

I always say, "I'm good!" or "actually, what I need is caffeine! Is there any coffee/Diet Coke?" I'm always surprised at how little pushback I get...hopefully it will be the same for you.

Anna

I think it's important to remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not drinking. 'No thanks' should be enough. If someone feels the need to push you to drink, they are the person with the problem.

tekink

Just politely say no thanks.

I found no one really cares.

rayna87

When I stopped drinking for all of a couple weeks after I got a dui 3.5 years ago, I went to all sorts of crazy measures to fake drinking. At the time, it was easier and, as sad as this is, making everyone think I was downing booze attracted less attention than the times I openly drank water.

Since the almost 4 years from that, since I’ve stopped drinking for real reasons this time, since it all stopped being an act....I can say that no one has actually cared one way or the other what I’m drinking, or not drinking. I had the exact same worries you did last weekend, going to a family birthday party, not sure what to expect, what to say. I had all these plans to fake drink again, all these excuses and stories ready to go, but literally no one cared or gave a second thought what I was doing. A quick “I’m good, thanks!” was all that was needed to move the attention right along

Dee74

When I quit drinking, I assumed everyone thought/obsessed over drinking like I did.

I prepared great mental essays to explain why I was not drinking. I didn't meed them - noone cared that much.

No thanks I don't drink is all the explanation anyone needs - especially at a work function!

Here are some other good ideas for social occasions - very much worth a read

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)

D

August252015

In addition to the comments above, I reframed the entire idea that there was anything, ever that I had to do. Period.

thomas11

The weddings are easy, I suggest going to the ceremony and respect their special day. Skip the reception, ultimately no one will care believe it or not. If you are IN the wedding, that's a different story.

I think you should just man up at the work functions, you'll be surprised how easy it is. The fear or saying no is a major topic on this forum, but almost everyone soon finds out that people don't care as much as we think they do. You'll be fine.

Tang

I have a profession that requires I take customers to dinner. They all drink heavily. Because of the macho testosterone laiden atmosphere, I don't like to get into the "why don't you drink." Personally I say I'm on a cleanse,and make it about healthy lifestyle. I have to worry about perception or I lose the business. Just giving you another spin on things.

FreeOwl

For me, the easiest way to say no at work functions and weddings was to not be at them.

I know that's not always practical - but if you look at it as life-or-death (and it is) then it's not a tough choice.

In the early days, my strategy truly was avoidance. I missed some events I'd have liked to attend - but the truth is in the end none of it mattered. The only 'friends' I lost by not doing that stuff were the drinking ones who were probably not really friends to begin with....

As time went on, I became more able to attend important events where booze would be. I never used a lie or a copout. I don't persoally believe that to be helpful. I think on a small level that creates a little shame, a little falshood, a little opportunity to jump right back in...... "medication" is a popular lie - but can lead to its own set of questions and then we have to lie some more. Lying is alcoholic crack. The alcoholic mind LOVES it wheen we lie, because then it can shame us into drinking like the worthless slugs we are.

Alcoholism's kryponite is the TRUTH.

"I'm not drinking because I've embraced sobriety and it's working really well for me!"

Now THERE's a statement that gives your alcoholic mind the holy terrors!!!!

Say it right out loud.... say it with clarity and confidence and beauty and truth.

It does three things: 1) it gives your alcoholic mind nothing to work with to prey on you.... 2) It makes clear to those around you that you're not drinking... not now.... just NOT..... you've decided to be SOBER. 3) It creates a statement in your own mind, a vision of who YOU are.... YOU ARE A SOBER PERSON. That which we state - we create.

I know how hard it is to say those words at first.... I've been there... but the sooner you SAY Them, repeat them, live them each day.... the sooner your sobriety will amaze you.

FreeOwl

me too.

I was really nervous about this at first.

Nowadays I have no issue with it. I've discovered some of the most "macho, testosterone laden" folks have come to me down the line asking for help..... asking for how I did it.... wishing they, TOO could have what I have.

It's shocking and sad how many people in 'business' are quietly trapped and suffering inside the misery of lives that are overcome by addiction, feeling stuck and despairing..... caught in the cycle because they believe it to be expected.

Take a look at how many CEO's, senior executives, world leaders are sober or scarcely drink at all.

Take inventory of how many of the higher-ups are in attendance when the night drags on and the drinks have been coming and coming.

What I found was that among the LEADERS in my business.... many are either sober or drink very little. I'm seen as a LEADER in my company and with my clients and in my community. I attend many dinners. I frequently pay for them.... I don't drink. I don't make excuses, I simply say "I don't drink". On the very rare occasion people inquire further, I simply say "I used to drink, but I find drinking inconsistent with the life I want to lead". That's always sufficient. Sometimes, afterward, I will be approached by someone wanting to know more. I always tell them and share openly... because they are - to a person - always an earlier version of myself; stuck and wanting to be free.

This actually became one of the greatest tools in my sobriety..... my honesty in this regard gave me a solid foundation on which to stand and was armor against those who might attempt to thwart my sobriety by buying me drinks or goading me into drinking. My honesty left no room for shame, for the alcoholic mind tricks to play on. My honesty gave me integrity and something to be grateful for. My honesty allowed me to sit back and observe how many others don't drink - something I'd never managed to notice before. I also saw that my own choice of sobriety led others around me to drink less.... the atmosphere of irresponsibility and booze-festing shifted and often far more meaningful interactions were had. And, seeing those others who would come to me seeking further insight and help.... hearing them lament their own drinking.... being reminded of all the reasons I chose sobriety and seeing another who still suffers - led me to see myself reflected in their situations and to further affirm that the sober path was the one I wanted.

Keep at it.

Nonsensical

I was at a business-oriented 'social mixer' recently. I hate those things, but they do have a purpose (and I am on the board of directors sponsoring it, so it was expected I would make an appearance).

I overheard someone say, "I am on antibiotics, so I can't drink today."


MY TRIBE!!!


She and I had a lovely chat about the trustee's role in estate planning.