Shredder22

Sorry, I have not been on my phone is running out of data I am at a nearby hotel from my house to utilize the wifi.
Bad Update hating Myself:
I decided to cut my hair take off 9 inches you know a makeover type thing. The hairdresser had tons of trauma I felt her life was mine. She was like never mind suspending the line you are way to pretty and this is crazy. The mother of the alcoholic ex bf told me to cancel it out all together as well. I went in to Metro PCS shaking felt terrible but I kept calling and turning it back on for him only to be blocked or called nasty words so I figured to protect myself cancel it out all together. Everyone is going to get mad at me now I facebooked his family still looking for answers. They were like he does not want you we all tried to explain the nice gestures you did and he yelled" having her in my life I'll lose my daughter and the nutcase ***** turned off my phone. All i did was buy the child gifts, keep a low profile, never met her etc., tried to keep that aspect of his life not a part of mine. He was like now my mom is pissed and turning the phone on OMG WHY DID I DO THIS i sent her a message on facebook and was like your turning on the phone when you told me to cut the cord. I already lost thousands if you wanted it on you should have told me.

She responded back" I'm a nice person but you bring out the worst in me. Leave my family alone. BLOCK. When I would go on FB i would say please talk to me im not a nutcase your mom told me to turn it off. My ptsd is off the chain. I dont wan't to catch a stalking charge and no I'm not popping up at people's homes I just cancelled the line and went on FB. I'm failing to realize still he is a drunk and the family may not like me in the moment but they have been dealing with this from all his prior girlfriend's probably for years so they are just tired.

I was supposed to start a job last Thursday 6 am-2pm im an early riser i overslept. Nightmares of the drunk. Staying up late wondering why I cant save him, crying, reliving it all. I got another job my higher power is showing me blessings but I wont allow myself to see them. I also have a good interview on Tuesday.
It was fake love that hurts the most. Nothing was authentic and I would never come between a man and his daughter if anything the alcohol has that's why the child's mother puts him on time out from seeing the kid.

I feel I lost all my hobbies, motivation, I'm very sad. 1 year of fakeness and now broke struggling to get up. I realize it's all my fault by not implenting NC from the get go as I'm not detoxed from fake love. I also don't think I understand alcoholism as I think it was all me.

I look weak, desperate, and a complete loser circling the drain. I guess being rejected by an alcoholic really hurt me especially my good deeds I thought he would recognize. I know what I need to do it's so hard. Please someone tell me when they were in the beginning phases feeling lost how they coped. I went to abuse therapy she was like " I dont know what you expect from me. You have 20 minutes left. Then she was like we are going to have to wrap it up. I thought I would get in here it will only get worse, some homework, nothing she was a clock watcher.
Somebody want to give me homework. I'll get more data on my phone and respond just give me some healing work and I'll post my progress. It doesnt help he was super good looking but a mean DR. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde drunk who made me believe the things he said about me were true. Do i need inpatient. No correct. I have not gone NC i keep wanting crumbs and feel like a stalker. I'm not crazy he put that in my head for a year on repeat.
I want myself back!
Sorry it's long. Let me not wear out my welcome here.
Shredder

SparkleKitty

Shredder you are worthy of real love, you are worthy of respect, and you are never going to get that from active addict. There is one person in the whole world who you can always count on treating you with love and respect and that is you. Get rid of the phone. Stop calling and chasing him and his family. Let go of the idea that you can ever understand why an addict does or says anything they do or say. Eat well, sleep well, exercise, take care of yourself. That's your homework.

You can't wear out your welcome here, we all understand.

teatreeoil007

Shredder: Please don't beat yourself up, darlin'. That ____________ facebook has cause more problems! Get back to strict no contact...it's the only way you're going to heal and move on.

Do something extra kind to yourself today, even if it doesn't seem like much. You will feel better, you will. Baby steps are OK.

NYCDoglvr

An obsession with an alcoholic and/or unavailable person is codependency. You can deal with it at Alanon, which gave me a real life I can be proud of. We learn to "let go or be dragged."

dandylion

Shredder.....

You can order the book...."How To Mend A Broken Heart In 20 Days" by Bronson and Riley....lots of helpful exercises to keep you from going over the edge...lol....You can get it super cheap, if you order a used one.....


1. Keep your phone at a distance....in a far room and in a drawer, for example. That way, it is not so much of a trigger.....Go to use it only when necessary.

2. Stay off of facebook for 30 days.

3. Select a time of the day....the same time, every day.....for about 1/2 hour to an hour...to grieve as hard as you can. Cry, scream, say all the awful things that you are thinking--out loud! Cry as much as you can...
Do not skip that time.

4. Find an alanon meeting close to your house and start going , right away...

Read an article from our library of excellent articles, every day. There are more than 100 of them....I am giving you the following link to them....(they are contained in the stickies, at the top of the threads)…..

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

5. Make a structured schedule for each day...and follow it as closely as you can. **Do not skip the active grieving time!
Make sure to include exercise every day....even if it is just walking, every day.....

6. Do the exercises in the book, when it comes. You can download it on kindle, if you have one.....

AnvilheadII

i'm thinking some professional therapeutic help is in order.
your post and your thoughts are all over the place, scattered, but also centered around people who have clearly asked you to leave them alone. a therapist can give you one on one, face to face time help you sort our your issues, and regain a sense of self.

Clover71

Yep. I agree. Go to a domestic abuse place if need be.

tomsteve

I got another job my higher power is showing me blessings but I wont allow myself to see them

if you know your HP is giving you blessings, its not a matter of seeing them- its a matter of accepting them.

BoxinRotz

Anyone can take a turd and box it up, wrap it in pretty paper and put a bow on it.

Just because he's gorgeous and oh so handsome doesn't mean he's not a turd.

Equestrian83

I am rolling at this! Yes looks are a dime a dozen!

alwayscovering

OMG I spit out my drink. Too funny and oh so true!

hopeful4

Your homework is to get rid of the phone, and do what they said. LEAVE THEM ALL ALONE. Work on you. I agree that professional therapy sounds to be in order. At the very least, go to an Alanon or Celebrate Recovery meeting and focus on your own healing.

atalose

If you feel that you have lost impulse control and will continue stalker behavior towards him, his family and friends then yes maybe in patient is what you need. If you have no self-control or will power to go NC and continue with behavior that is not welcomed by any of them, then yes go inpatient before you are arrested and charged with stalking or harassment and are then ordered by a court to go no contact.

knowthetriggers

^^^^THIS! And I wouldn't wait to seek help. The sooner the better. Alanon is also a great place for codependency.

Shredder22

I have impulse control I just kept getting contacted by him several times throughout the summer where I engaged and back to crazy town and crazy making. I'm embarrassed and feel stupid but no I'm all set. I see my therapist in 1 hour. I can't see him ever again it's like the Albert Einstein quote doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I am using people's advice. Structuring my day, and putting my phone away. I'm not looking to be cuffed and doomed. What do you to with the embarrassment of doing stalker like stuff only because you cared and not you got pegged with the crazy card. Who cares? It's over channel that embarrassment to positivity and move on. I really wasn't looking to look like a stalker looking for answers and worrying and I guess to the family i went out like a crazy. Honestly I'm not trying to sound better there was major dysfunction in the entire family and reg flags with not just him and I'm not trying to shift blame as I take accountability for my actions I felt concerned, worried, I failed, upset, scared and just wanted answers if I could go back 60 days I would have embraced silence. Who cares if they think I'm nuts he hurt me, scared me, and verbally abused me for a year. Not playing victim when you lack supports or love you will fight for crumbs or fake love. I know now I have to love myself. No one wants to be in county blues I can do this without a restraining order. He never loved me. Once that sinks in....ill put sticky notes everywhere I know I'll find peace.
Ty

SmallButMighty

Shredder... almost all of us here have done things in the midst of a codie hell that we are not proud of.

What matters is that we saw the error in our ways and strove to change.

You can and will get past this, you will look back one day and maybe cringe a bit, but be oh so glad that isn't you anymore. Maybe you will even be able to give a hand up to someone who is struggling the way you did.

Hang in there, it gets better the further away you get from the chaos.

Berrybean

Shredder. There is progress, and all recovery is progress, not perfection.

I imagine that not too long ago you would have had those urges to contact, not seen anything unhealthy about them and just gone ahead and done it, the when the poop hit the fan with his family you wouldn't have been able to see that breaking no-contact contributed to this.

You have moved past this stage now. You still get the urges and sometimes struggle not to be a puppet to them, but still, you are recognising it and trying not to be led by the nose by those unhealthy obsessive / compulsive thoughts.

It's hard work at first to not let those thoughts drive us. It takes practice before they start to become second nature. Don't give your self a hard time. You slipped and saw it, and want to get back on track. You're doing great.

If stuck in a blind obsession is black, and detached and happy, joyous and free in recovery is white, there are myriads of shades of grey along the road to recovery. And recovery, unfortunately isn't a one-way street. Occasionally it can feel like it's more two steps forward and one step back. But you haven't undone all your work so far. Dust your self off and keep moving towards the light.

BB

hopeful4

Just remember, the people who may be deeming you as a "stalker" are the ones you should not care about their opinion anyways.

Just keep moving forward and work on you. You know who you are, you don't need the validation of anyone else.

Big hugs.

Sasha1972

It sounds like you've figured out what you need to do - no more contacting his family.

I know you believed you were acting out of concern for him, but to his family members your behavior may have seemed like harassment or stalking. I am glad that you decided to stop doing this before you got in trouble with the police.

Shredder22

Looking back at these posts I see you are right on time. I appreciate you seriously. I might shut this down as people pick favorites and seem to like to attack me when I wouldn't hurt a fruit fly. This place is hurting me but in case I go ty for always being right on time.