AntoinetteP

My ABrother is trying to get a restraining order against me for imaginary reasons. He lives in southern California, I live in Washington. I haven't called him since he hung up on me, so I can't be said to be calling or texting hateful or harassing things. He had a near death experience, we were told to expect a major event any day now in February, kidney and liver failure as a result of drinking. When I left I took a photograph, an ashtray and a gold doubloon that my mother gave him, she gave each of us kids one. I wouldn't have taken it, but we were sure he was dying and someone staying at his house found it under a bed and gave it to me saying "do something with this." I thought, I'm not 'hiding' something so precious in the house of a dead man, I'll take it home and then there are two doubloons for our two great nephews. Because of that he called the cops on me for theft. I told the detective the circumstances and then sent everything back via the mail, but I sent it to the detective so he would deliver the goods in person and witness that nothing was broken or smashed and I was off the hook.


The reason I want to fight a restraining order if he gets some judge to believe I'm a pest is so he will be forced to see me in court and I can get some judge to tell him he's out of line and delusional since he won't listen when his friends who are involved in this situation tell him he's out of line and delusional. I would be fine not showing up in court and letting an order occur, I'm over sixty so I'm not looking for work and I had no intention of trying to contact my brother in any way since he stopped speaking to me. But if I fight, he will be forced to face me, and I would get to say things to his face. What do y'all think?

suki44883

If it were me, and I had no intention of seeing or speaking with him, then I'd just let the RO go through. Those items do belong to him, even though your thoughts on taking them were pure. Being an adult, he has the right to live his life as he wants, even if it isn't what you would choose for him.

What do you hope to accomplish by saying things to his face?

DontRemember

Let it go! Why would you feel the need to say anything at all? What's to gain? He's obviously asking the courts to intervene,so he doesn't want to hear/care what you feel you need to say to his face. You even said " I would be fine not showing up in court and letting an order occur, I'm over sixty so I'm not looking for work and I had no intention of trying to contact my brother in any way since he stopped speaking to me. " So, I'm confused why you would even fathom doing anything BUT just that?

Edit: Are you doing anything for your own 'wellbeing'?

SparkleKitty

I think it is wishful thinking to believe that anyone else's words--yours or a judge's--will change him.

Sometimes we have to choose between being "right" and being at peace.

NYCDoglvr

What Alanon taught me is I'm powerless over people, places and things. To look at my own muddled thinking instead of focusing on an alcoholic. I hope you let it all go.

AnvilheadII

i'd let it go. if you have things to say, write a letter. don't join him on the crazy bus.

amy55

My daughter filed an RO against me. It was while I was going through my divorce. It was all a bunch of BS. I did fight it, because I didn't know how it would affect my life. I hired an attorney for $1500. My attorney just said one thing to the judge, and I didn't speak at all. My attorney just said, I don't see where she has "fear of her life". Judge agreed and threw the case out. You really don't get to say what you what to say at those hearings.

Well anyway, it was a good thing that I did fight it, because I later got a job with the State being a companion to someone with autism. I don't own guns, so I wouldn't have had to give them up.

Anyway, my daughter and I were on and off since then, and she again threatened me with a Restraining Order, I told her to go ahead and do it, because I am not bothering with it, and I just don't care. I'm also over 60 now, and I don't need a job.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

maia1234

Ant,
I am sorry for what you are going through. He hasn't done it yet, he got his stuff back. Maybe it will all die down.

I would step back and press ignore on him. Move on in life, away from the crazy train...... From the way it sounds you will see him at his funeral.

(((hugs)))))))

Taking5

A RO means you cannot visit, call, email or text him. Or even even send him a message through another person. It also means he cannot do of those things to you.

So it all comes down to "is this what you want"?

FeelingGreat

Antoinette, maybe you could investigate the cons of having a RO taken out against you? Does it appear in any record that an employer would be able to check? Would people assume it was taken out for a good reason?

Someone attempted to have a spurious RO taken out on me. I fought it, unrepresented, and took one out on the other person. It wasn't a revenge thing; she really had been harassing me. If I'd just let it go through others would have been aware of it, and assumed I'd done something to deserve it.

That said, it depends on how much it bothers you, and whether you'd have to spend money you don't have to fight it. In my case I talked to a couple of people experienced in the courts, documented everything, and then did my own talking.