Keto

Hi everyone, have done a lot of reading of the forums and not sure where I fit !!

Have long history of heavy drinking leading to getting very ill & stopping for 6 months. Through this 6months I was miserable (even though my health impoved hugely & I develpoed some new coping strategies for my severe anxiety, which in itself is amazing)... started having a drink here and there recently and it feels as if a huge weight has been lifted! - im not dissappointed that I have, I think I feel slightly happier (maybe this is the new me).

*has anyone got themselves to this stage/place??

- sorry for the novel but thanks for looking/listening

Dee74

Hi Keto

I think most of us have tried the time off theory, hoping that time off will somehow reset us to a normal drinker.

It never worked for me - or it never worked for long...just long enough to get me back in so deep I couldn't stop.

I'm infinitely happier not drinking at all.

D

fini

hi Keto,
welcome to posting!
hm yeah, i always felt a weight lift upon returning to drinking, while at the same time a different weight descended!

took me a looong time to accept that this situation, and the accompanying misery while not drinking, indicated other changes were required.
since you've done a bunch of reading here for a while, this is likely not news to you.

SnazzyDresser

I doubt this ends well for you. Permanent sobriety is where it's at, you just need to find a way to make it work for you. That's the way forward, not going back to drinking. Alcohol is a nowhere road, hopefully you'll recognize that before long.

Gerard52

Keto you are drinking to self medicate your negative emotions. You need to find a different solution you are on a slippery slope back to being very ill again.

goose333

Keto,
Problem is you think you can go back to drinking moderately, but it most likely won't happen. Slowly you will be right back where you started. I made the same mistake. I learned the hard way that I'm better off not having anything. The permanent good feeling is way better then the temporary high and the horrible low afterwards. Stay sober.

Caralara144

Keto hi
After 7 months I've accepted I can NEVER have another drink ever
It fills me with a kind off peace now
I'm happy I've accepted that I'm an alcoholic and alcohol is just not for me anymore
I'm happier than I've ever been
I just don't drink
Cara

MantaLady

For me one is too many and ten is never enough. I have had periods of not drinking in the past and after sometime decided I was better and that one drink every now and again will not hurt, I can be a normal drinker. But like Dee said everytime without fail I found myself back in that bottomless pit of dispair and self loathing. I suffer from anxiety too, alcohol is not the solution and only ramps up my anxiety, which i then have to drink over and the cycle continues. Like Cara I too have accepted that I will never drink or drug again and there is an inner peace that comes with that which lets me know it's the right decision for me. I hope you make the right decision for you and find your own inner peace xx

John65

Hi Keto, welcome.

For the past 2 years I have had periods of sobriety lasting around 5 and 6 months. Both times when I drank again I started off sensibly but it soon escalated into harmful and risky drinking. If I continued doing this nothing would ever change, it was like a vicious circle. My AV might have said that it will be different this time but it never was and never could be, if anything things just got progressively worse and worse.

As for severe anxiety and mental health issues, drinking just made those 100% worse.

Good luck.

J

SuzesSobriety

BP2, love your footer quote!

tekink

The first year of sobriety was really hard for me but it's gotten so much easier and better in the second year it was totally worth that suffering.

I've also relapsed with the exact same mentality and it never ended well.

I had to quit for health reasons, I don't want to die of organ failure.

thomas11

"having a drink here and there", not possible for an alcoholic in my opinion. I drank for one reason, to get drunk, and I liked it for a long time. Then the worm turned and it was miserable. It's sad it had to get to that point to quit. I wish you the best.

Broddeb

I have to chirp in and echo the above I'm afraid, Keto. I've had to accept the hard truth that I can't have another drink in my lifetime, which is sad because I'm only 35! I lasted three weeks without a drink a few years back and convinced myself it was proof I could control it, though over a period of a month I quickly slipped back in to my old routine.

The choice is always yours, however. Good luck with whichever avenue you go down.

KarltheheretiK

I'm going to run counter to what everyone else says... if you can really have a social drink now and again without relapsing, do it. Just be careful and don't kid yourself if you start sliding back into that hole. You know there's a huge difference between having a beer with your
dinner and pounding a 12-pack at one sitting. Everyone is different and there's no one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. Be happy that you have dealt with the underlying anxiety that fueled your alcoholism to begin with, but be vigilant and never lie to yourself.

Keto

Isn't this the newcomers space?

Hevyn

Glad to have you with us, Keto.

I tried desperately to become a social drinker - long after I knew bad things would keep happening unless I quit. Each time I tried to control the amounts I drank, dangerous & unpredictable things happened. The only way for me to stay safe & sane was to quit. I drank 30 yrs. It started out as fun - ended up a necessity, & I was completely dependent on it. I can't dance with the devil ever again.

Jam13

I was sober for over 5 years....I started back here and there, then every weekend, to every day within a month.
Then to drinking more and more each time . From 6 shots a night to 14.
I am worse off than I was before.

Stop now. Alcohol is a liar. It makes you “feel”good temporarily but the depression will be there until you let your brain heal, learn ways to cope, find medicines to help you with depression or anxiety.
Good luck to you.

I wish I’d never got back in this boat.

Dee74

Yeah it is Keto - but there's a few old hands like myself that offer their perspective too.

Most of us have tried and not suceeded.

I always say I confused abstinence with control - they are not the same thing.

Everytime I went back to drinking sooner or later the same bad stuff happened again. My relationship with alcohol was toxic -,and I believe it would be again if I picked up a drink today.

you wouldn't want anyone to lie to you, yeah?

I realise you're gonna do what you want to do - I hope it works out for you

D

Verdantia

Hey, Keto. I echo most of the other commenters here--I can never drink 'normally' again. I had 15 years of sobriety but got complacent and thought I'd figured out how to have a drink here and there. It was all fine at first but within a couple of years I was not only drinking hard again but things were much worse than when I drank previously. I wish I'd never picked up again,
Perhaps you will be the one who can do moderation, but I have no 'off' switch--it's impossible for me, and it's easier to just not drink at all. I am glad that you're not drinking as much and that you feel better, and I hope it stays that way. Wishing you all the best.

Keto

Thank you for comments

I am kind of running against convention and done things my way.
-stopping was the second hardest thing I have done in my life. The first, continuing.

Kind of a kick in the teeth when you feel isolated at the height (low) of your problem, you address your (huge) problem & then feel even more isolated. ...

Guess the veterans have heard it all before, but how different are peoples journeys !!