Meraviglioso

Good morning friends, another hangover free morning here for me and looking forward to a productive, sober day.
I've had something on my mind for the past couple of days and thought I would share.
I see many posts- and made plenty of my own- about upcoming social events and questions of "should I go?" or "what to do?"
I want to share an example of how quickly and unknowingly things can take an unexpected turn. I will say that this example is rare, I have found that for the most part, while it is present at activities, alcohol is easily avoidable and no one really cares if I am drinking or not.
However, my recent Monday night outing is an example of a time it was an issue and had I been early on in sobriety I would have had a really hard time. It might be an example that gives one pause when considering events where there will be alcohol in early sobriety. You just never know when things can spiral out of control.
I was invited to a friend's 60th birthday party this past Monday. She described it as a dinner with friends at a local place. We would pay for our dinner, a set menu, and she would offer the beverages and cake. She is a lovely person and more importantly being at dinner where others are drinking is no longer an issue or trigger for me.
We arrived and there was a nice aperitivo spread out for us to eat. I filled my plate and we went to get a drink.
First issue, all they had was prosecco. No sodas, no water, nothing else. The man poured me a glass as I was there with my boyfriend who was getting one. I said no thanks. After a pause, I asked if it was possible to have some water. He said he would go get some. Problem solved there. Had I been in early sobriety would I have asked? Would I have just let that be an excuse to drink rationalising "but all they offered was prosecco!" I don't know.... would you have?
After some time we were called into the table and this is where the fun- real fun- started. The birthday celebrant had hired two drag queens to put on a show for everyone. It was spectacularly fun and funny! Everyone was having a blast.
Mid-way through the dinner the drag queens switched gears and said that now the audience would participate. They needed three females and three males to do a "battle of the sexes" contest. The participants were chosen by the drag queens and lo and behold I was selected. Good fun I thought! I like to have fun just as much as the next person.
So it was this silly little quiz contest with questions on history, geography and then a performance aspect, all very silly with a lot of laughs and I was happy to participate.
Then the trouble started. They were to announce the winners. It was loud and chaotic but I could hear them shouting into the microphone something about vodka. I started getting really nervous and rapidly going over a plan in my head as to how I was going to escape this there in front of everyone, team members by my side with some pretty aggressive drag queens in the mix.
As it turns out vodka never came into play, but a winner's gift of a bottle of prosecco did. Being on the winning team I was expected to partake. What to do? What to do?
I quickly went into action by taking advantage of a moment of chaos and just kind of walked back towards the table and grabbed my water glass. The contest portion broke up amid many cheers and my team quickly came over for us to celebrate with the bottle. It was aggressively being shoved at my so I offered my glass for a pour, cutting her off very quickly, and then toasting. At the first moment of distraction I turned to walk away and set the glass down.
Had my hand been forced I absolutely would have stood my ground and said flat out "I'm not drinking" but I felt the quickest way out was what I did.
All that said, I don't think I would have handled the situation so easily had I been early in recovery.
This is just an example of how the simple idea of a birthday dinner out on a Monday night can quickly change gears into a situation you don't want to be in. Definitely think twice about those invites if you are at all feeling shaky.

Gerard52

Yes, I would find that difficult just now. Learning how to deal with social events is one of my biggest obstacles. During my AF periods I always avoid them and if not I have given in and drank. I don't want to be a hermit.

Meraviglioso

It definitely gets better Gerard. I had a hard time at first, I hated being at events where alcohol was served, it was torture. I also caved at many of them. I eventually avoided those situations and even avoided certain restaurants where the food was so intrinsically linked to wine. But now basic social events are not a problem at all. I really don't mind and do not feel stressed or triggered when at dinners or parties. But this recent event was definitely the most uncomfortable I've been in a very long time. Fortunately I have more resolve and experience now and was able to handle it without drinking. But I'm not sure how well I would have fared earlier on.

snitch

Wow! Thanks for sharing this

MissPerfumado

You really did well with all that attention on you.

I was at an event in early sobriety where I was on stage with 3 other people and we were supposed to toast to the opening of the event. I had a glass of champagne in my hand, lifted it up in the air as the MC called for a toast and ... put it down without taking a sip. I felt so self-conscious and slunk off the stage as soon as I could. It must sound weird to normies but it is so hard to do so early when the thought of drinking and how to resist drinking is always on your mind.

rustygolf

Wow - strong work in a very difficult situation!

August252015

I was very conservative about everything I did, in all areas of life, for a very long time. I have never regretted not going or doing something, even times I realized later would have been just fine. I don't live in fear, I just make the best choices I can, and remember that no person, place or event is worth me dying from.

lessgravity

Excellent work.

I find that I have dissimilar reactions to those kind of situations. Typically I can enjoy the events even when my friends and family are drinking. But them there are other times where my frustration with not drinking has overtaken me and I've had to bail.

It's clear from those wiser souls here on SR that the deeper into a sober life we go, the easier these events are.

Thanks for the post. Good to consider these thoughts this morning.

SuzesSobriety

Thank you so much for sharing. This is exactly my fear. Not so much even the out of the blue example, but how quickly my moods can change in minutes no matter how strong my resolve is (one week in). If I can find a change in weather as a way to go from absolute resolve to feeling like it is an imaginary sign, I am not sure how I would handle real -life situations literally pressuring me to drink. I am trying to work on slowing down. If you /were/ early on, what would you have done? I am guessing not go at all is the answer.

I was supposed to see a friend last night who is having trouble with a divorce. I knew I shouldn't, so I had gone back and forth on what to do. I ultimately told her how much I was looking forward to seeing her and gee, it had been a hard and I would need to work afterwards so no drinking for me, but can't wait to see her. She canceled. On one hand, I sort of felt like that confirms that theory that drinking is always central (it wasn't...she rightfully realized that meant it was a bad time for me). But also know I dodged a bullet. Sort of proud for my setting a plan, but also know it was still a bad plan.

This post reminds me that time seems important now, but I can certainly postpone almost everything until I am stronger. I certainly have for dumber reasons.

Thanks again for this.

tekink

I think a lot of it is learning how to be sober. It's harder to get used to being sober when you are around people who are not.

Once you've adjusted your mind and you can accept being sober it becomes easier to be at events where drinking is involved.

I stayed in during the first year and avoided alcohol situations as much as possible. I didn't like the emotional tug they put on me. It was kind of like a reset time. By the time I was comfortable going out two things had happened one was that I had adjusted to being sober and grabbing a drink was no longer an automatic response, the other is that I started finding other things more enjoyable than sitting at a table where people are drunk.

John65

Due to my mental health I'm not a very sociable creature so social activities isn't something I have to worry about that often. I try and avoid social interaction as much as I possibly can. Don't even do facebook, twitter etc. Even just being on here is a big thing for me but needs must.

Anna

I'm glad you got through the evening, Mera.