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In between quitting and getting a better life?

Old 07-31-2018, 06:58 PM
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In between quitting and getting a better life?

First off thanks to all the great folks on this board. Everyone has been super supportive of me and I've got to read everyone standing by everyone else as well, amazing community!

As of today I am just over 1 week since my last drink- honestly don't think that has ever happened before. Millions of questions and goals etc but for now:

I know I can't drink, don't want to. But my whole social life has been centered around drinking.

So I need a new life. OK I get that.

Have been going to the gym, looking at cycling clubs etc, trying to piece together a plan starting over at 40. It's going to take a while, I get that too.

So in the meantime?

For those who have successfully rebuilt your lives what did you do in the inbetween time?
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:08 PM
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I stayed home and busied myself around the house a lot. I had to learn that I didn't need a drink for every occasion and part of that was just staying in and getting to know myself more.
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:18 PM
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What helped me a lot to get settled into sobriety was my counselor. She was a source of good feedback and new ideas. If you can see a counselor I'd say, go for it. It was very helpful for me.
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:21 PM
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Best thing I did was volunteering, which I still do. I was fortunate to pick up some on weekends, which was always my "danger" time for drinking.
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:28 PM
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Read, work, spend present time with my family, lift weights, focus on the things I'm lucky to have in life, reflect on all the pain and suffering I walked away from, try to change habits and behaviors that developed while I served the poison.

Repeat.
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Old 07-31-2018, 07:50 PM
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I got back into some hobbies I had ignored or had been doing badly — specifically exercise and woodworking.
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Old 07-31-2018, 10:16 PM
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Originally Posted by mattri View Post
First off thanks to all the great folks on this board. Everyone has been super supportive of me and I've got to read everyone standing by everyone else as well, amazing community!

As of today I am just over 1 week since my last drink- honestly don't think that has ever happened before. Millions of questions and goals etc but for now:

I know I can't drink, don't want to. But my whole social life has been centered around drinking.

So I need a new life. OK I get that.

Have been going to the gym, looking at cycling clubs etc, trying to piece together a plan starting over at 40. It's going to take a while, I get that too.

So in the meantime?

For those who have successfully rebuilt your lives what did you do in the inbetween time?
This is the million dollar question and finding a solution is the key to recovery. I am at the same stage.

I have been watching interviews by Dr Marc Lewis. His view is that all addiction is a learned behaviour, where we have established neural pathways to expect the reward from a behaviour. This is normal function of the brain and why humans are goal orientated.

To escape our addiction we need to weaken the pathway and establish new ones based on healthy behaviours.

Stopping using the neural pathway weakens it. So by stopping drinking and starting new healthy activities that we find rewarding we will recover.

Marc Lewis debunks the disease theory for alcoholism.
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Old 08-01-2018, 04:22 AM
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I think alot of people are under the impression that getting sober, by itself, will lead to happiness and a better life. It will make you feel better physically and clear your head. But after a few months there is a "what now" feeling that pops up. You can only get so sober. Finding activities that provide Joy or happiness is key to maintaining sobriety without becoming miserable. Alot of us used drinking as one of or maybe our only source of relaxation. It's important to find a healthy replacement for it. Could be anything, somebody mentioned woodworking, could be painting, working around the house, writing, video games, anything!
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Old 08-01-2018, 04:29 AM
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I committed fully to AA. As I did that, inckuding I think 82 of the 90 meetings in 90 days that is often suggested, I got professional help from drs for my physical and mental health and started to heal my body. I gradually added in other activities, then exercise, thugs that support my recovery. It used to annoy me when people said time takes time but it is true.

I look back and see benchmarks and an evolution through my 29 mo and change in recovery. It is totally worth it to have built and keep looking forward to my life.
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Old 08-01-2018, 04:54 AM
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For those who have successfully rebuilt your lives what did you do in the inbetween time?

i dont think there is inbetween time in rebuilding.
rebuilding had a lot of learning so thats what i did. lots of times i had to just "be." lots of times i had to just "feel." its part of the journey.
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Old 08-01-2018, 05:08 AM
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When I first decided I had to quit drinking the idle time on weekends was filled with boredom. Boredom was sometimes what caused me to drink. I just white knuckled it. After awhile I went from I can't do anything because I'm so bored, to I can DO anything because I am sober. Big difference.

But to answer your question, I started researching some things that interest me. For example I looked into this flat earth stuff. Its interesting. I also looked into how our history has been perverted in some cases. In other words I went in search of the truth.

You are 40? I started to rebuild at 47 so it can be done.
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Old 08-01-2018, 05:08 AM
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Originally Posted by mattri View Post
For those who have successfully rebuilt your lives what did you do in the inbetween time?
Worked on my recovery. Nothing was going to be "built" if I didn't have a solid foundation of sobriety.

For me, my "new life" was the outcome of my sobriety, the result. Not the means to achieve it.
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Old 08-01-2018, 10:10 AM
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Rebuilding at 57. Terrifying, and exhilarating at the same time.

REALLY good question. But if you're getting into a serious cycling program and workout routine (which was my thing) and making a plan for starting over....sounds like you're already doing it.

At a week sober, I think you need to make a sobriety plan and a method as to how you're going to remain sober for the rest of your life. Right now it's very short term. What groups methods, and if going to meetings, how many days a week and which ones, for example. Sobriety takes a lot of time and effort; at this stage, your JOB is sobriety and staying that way.

My social life revolved around drinking. What I do and who I socialize with hasn't changed that much. I just don't drink anymore. Once I got enough distance from alcohol and drugs and became a non-drinker/non-user, it was relatively easy for me. But it took at least 6 months, and my big party group was hugely supportive of my efforts.

Congrats on your week, it's HUGE!
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Old 08-01-2018, 03:34 PM
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I have spent the last 2 months getting back to some hobbies of mine. Ive always enjoyed the outdoors and love to hike and play golf. I did those things while drinking just not that often because I was always too hungover to get up in the morning. After several no shows I started to lose invites to go hiking and play golf or I just wouldn't setup a tee time to begin with for fear my Friday or Saturday night would get out of control and I wouldn't make it up in the morning. Ive enjoyed getting back to those things. Im so much better at golf sober. Getting back into hiking has been really good spiritually too. I like going for hikes alone to enjoy nature and have some good me time.

Ive also taken up reading quite a bit. Ive read several self help/recovery books in the past couple months. One book wont teach you everything but there are many takeaways from all of them that you can put into practice in your life.

Ive also built a home gym and having been working out regularly. Lost 30 pounds and feeling much better eating a proper diet.

Just take it a day at a time and focus on rediscovering you. its a process.
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Old 08-01-2018, 04:49 PM
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Great repllies, thanks to all for the great suggestions.

I definitely need a more concrete plan moving forward. I like the ideas of going to meetings but can't swallow AA and don't know of any others.

Will keep chipping away and keep everyone posted.
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Old 08-01-2018, 07:38 PM
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I don't have much time. 5 months. But the way I'm approaching is to be verrry patient with 'rebuilding.'

For me the past 5 months has been about making and securing the changes. It's been almost top to bottom. And it's been about a LOT of reading, learning, discussion, and reflection. The way I am understanding my thing with booze continues to mature at a rather fast clip.

I've started to set a few small professional goals for after the first of the year. I'll be starting to experiment with a few different social paths in about the same time frame.

For now, I'm very much enjoying the time getting to know myself and just letting life flow a bit now that I've shed much of the madness.

Best-

B

PS -

Also just over 40.
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