I could use a new perspective
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 280
I could use a new perspective
My husband has a brother with a wicked alcoholic and (I think) crazy wife. Never ending drama....just crazy AH quacking nonsense.
I don't want to be around them ever: not holidays, not ever. My husband, however still wishes he could find a way to have a relationship with his brother and I understand that.
We both feel until he is ready to recover himself it may be impossible. He won't go anywhere without her or her permission.
Yes, all out of our control. Is there any sensible way to keep a firm boundary and still keep the door open to his brother?
Thank you all for your wisdom and your heart
I don't want to be around them ever: not holidays, not ever. My husband, however still wishes he could find a way to have a relationship with his brother and I understand that.
We both feel until he is ready to recover himself it may be impossible. He won't go anywhere without her or her permission.
Yes, all out of our control. Is there any sensible way to keep a firm boundary and still keep the door open to his brother?
Thank you all for your wisdom and your heart
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by MsGrace 
He won't go anywhere without her or her permission.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Assuming, that the two brothers live in close proximity, about the only thing he could do is stop by for a quick visit, Certainly, a 15 20 minute visit is tolerable, not only does it leave the door open, it lets his brother know he cares, and does have a support system readily available if he chooses to end this toxic situation.
In the event they do not live in close proximity, then I guess that is not an option. So texts , emails, phone calls are basically all they have to keep in touch with.
It always saddens me to hear that addiction, divides and separates families
In the event they do not live in close proximity, then I guess that is not an option. So texts , emails, phone calls are basically all they have to keep in touch with.
It always saddens me to hear that addiction, divides and separates families
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
So he will go out with her "permission".
Well maybe that can be workable? Perhaps there is something they could do together where he can get that permission? Maybe even have lunch together or golf or whatever they might enjoy doing?
It's not ideal of course and no doubt annoying that he needs permission but if he really wants to keep that relationship he is going to have to work within the framework that his Brother has set for himself, even if it seems wacky!
Well maybe that can be workable? Perhaps there is something they could do together where he can get that permission? Maybe even have lunch together or golf or whatever they might enjoy doing?
It's not ideal of course and no doubt annoying that he needs permission but if he really wants to keep that relationship he is going to have to work within the framework that his Brother has set for himself, even if it seems wacky!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Yes, all out of our control. Is there any sensible way to keep a firm boundary and still keep the door open to his brother?
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