mamabear26

Hi everyone, I'm currently on a little vacation with my boys and parents. We took the boys to Disneyland and California Adventure on Thursday. Then we drove down to San Diego. Tomorrow we are heading back home.

On this trip I have had time to reflect on everything that has happened. We take a trip to San Diego every year. Last year and this year my STBAXH was obviously not apart of the trip. Being here does remind me of all the past family trips he has been apart of which does bring some sadness but then I think about the true reality which brings me back to realize that it was such an unhealthy relationship.

My X has been trying to contact me while I have been on this trip. I did not tell him that the boys and I were taking a trip. On Thursday, he called twice while were at Disneyland. On Friday, he called then texted me twice asking when boys start school. Then another texting asking what they need for school and to let him know. I haven't responded to any of his calls or texts. He has access to the same information as I do. He can call school district to find out when they start school. And he can call each of their schools to find out who their teachers are and which room they will be in. I did my duty as his wife to always keep him informed on what kids were doing but that is no longer my job so he will have to seek information on his own. I decided that as long he is active in his alcoholism there is no need for me to keep him updated on kids events unless it's a medical emergency. Plus he hasnt attended a parent/teacher conference in the last 3 years. He said "He couldn't make it" *rolling eyes* (but he has time to drink all day and screw a woman under his mom's roof).

Their first day of school is Monday. I'm just dreading the reality of going back home and dealing with him and his random antics. I hope their first day of school goes smoothly without issues from their dad. And I pray they have a good school year. Thank you all who read this far. I just needed to vent.

Mango212

You're doing great!!

Now about tomorrow -- boys, food, clothes, transportation to school, paperwork to fill out, how about some after-school fun time for you and the boys? Plus self-care time. Serious self-care time. After vacation is an important time to ramp that up! Wow. See how fast the day fills up? How about a God box to put all these things in along with any worries or fears that come to mind?

(((hugs)))

A God box can be any container. One of my first ones was a large paper bag. Someone at a meeting shared that they used small pieces of paper, and after writing their problems, concerns and gratitudes on each one, they folded them up in tiny little pieces. Then when they wanted to take a problem back, they had to go through unfolding the papers. As I did the same, I experienced a great relief from so much that had been weighing very heavily on me. There was something wonderful about seeing how small my problems became in that big paper bag, with room for so many more!

AnvilheadII

they start school MONDAY? as in still JULY? wow.

dandylion

My thought was the same as Anvil.....school so soon...?!

Maudcat

My grands live in VA. They get out in May, back by beginning of August.
It’s the heat, I guess.

mamabear26

Thank you Mango for the tip on how to use the God Box. I love that!

mamabear26

Yes, they start Monday. We only get 6 weeks off in the summer because we get 4 weeks off for winter break.

mamabear26

Yes.
-6 weeks off in the summer
-1 week off in October
-1 week for Thanksgiving
-4 weeks off for Winter break
-1 week off for Easter break

AnvilheadII

wow, i just had no idea! i can totally see why returning from THIS vacation has some extra downsides and don't wannas! no rest for the wicked...........here's hoping your re-entry goes smoothly.

mamabear26

Thanx, I hope so too

hopeful4

How nice, I wish my kid's schedules were like this! By the end of the summer they are bored and I am counting the days until school starts back! I have one that goes back mid August and another who goes back late August. Normally her school would start mid August as well, but they are doing construction this summer and are a week behind.

I too have stopped with the information regarding my children's schooling. My XAH does not participate in any way as far as teacher conferences, activities, etc. He also does not contribute anything towards getting their supplies. So...he can go on the web site and find out anything he needs to know. I always make sure he is included via email addresses in any communications they send out (they come to both of us direct from the school), so he has no excuses to even talk to me about it.

Sending you hugs and peace!

mamabear26

I like the schedule too. The bonus is that I also work for the school district my children attend so I have the same schedule as them. Same holidays off which is a great! I am able to take my kids to school and pick them up. I'm very thankful because I know most parents struggle with finding people to take kids to school and pick them up.

This no contact is still very new for me. But I feel like it is for the best. I have always made things easy for him to where he never really had to put too much effort in being a parent. I told him when we first separated to contact school so that they could send two notes home; one to me and one to him about any events going on but he hasn't done so. So therefore, it is not my problem. I realized I cant force him to be a responsible parent to them. I can only control myself and my actions.

It is going on 5 weeks of no contact and I'm feeling a little better everyday. I know I have many challenges ahead but I feel as long as I stick to my boundaries and do what's best for my kids I can get through it.

Michsm

My STBAXH had 2 children from a previous marriage and did the same thing, would “text”his x wife for information and then never go to anything because he claimed she never gave it to him. (I am not even sure if he really even texted her asking but thats the story he told me) His x wife was not the most reliable person so who knows...I advised him on several occasions to call the school, etc...he never did, it was easier to act like he was interested or to blame his x wife, if it was ever brought up. He never got them supplies or anything and never even knew their grades unless his x wife told him. It was pretty disgusting to me as I could not understand it. On top of it , he played the woe is me game with it, feel bad for me I am trying to be a dad but my x wife will not allow me to.

mamabear26

Wow, that is exactly how my STBAXH is! He is constantly accusing me of not letting him be apart of the kids life when in reality he is just mad because he has to actually get up off his a$$ and made an effort now without my help.

AnvilheadII

my very own mother was the same when it came to time with my child, her ONLY grandchild. always SAID she was available to watch her, babysit, etc. but when it came time to me ASKING for an evening, a few hours, suddenly she had a very busy social agenda. then if she did in fact agree, she would complain long and loudly after the fact about how much work three hours with a toddler was.............as she was a drinker, i couldn't ask for too many hours in a row. she couldn't stay SOBER to watch the child, but she didn't get falling down drunk either. the compromises one makes.....

mom would also loudly complain about how much time the OTHER grandmother got.....because she said YeS. and could be trusted.

always remember, with the alcoholic, it is ALWAYS about them.

mamabear26

It's taken me a Longgggg time to accept and understand that when it comes to an alcoholic it is always about them. I'm glad I have finally reached the point of acceptance and can move on : )

Mango212

Day 2 back to school! How are you transitioning?