KarltheheretiK

... not real sure what I am. I wish I were a more normal person. Being different really sucks. I wish I could wake up one morning and think, "Hey, I feel like crap because I'm hung over... and I just lost my family, job, and house. Maybe I should try to get sober." I wish I could wake up in a trash-strewn alley soaked in my own urine and vomit and realize, "Damn, I can't keep doing this! I NEED to get sober!"

For all of its' bad press, Rock Bottom isn't an entirely negative thing. It's a definitive moment where realizations and epiphanies are wrought. It's the moment when the hammer strikes the steel in the proper spot to forge a better, sober reality. But for some of us, Rock Bottom appears as a fine point on dawns' horizon. And I can't tell if that fine point is a harbinger of a distant future, or the point of a spear ready to strike me between my eyes.

I've been a heavy drinker for well over a decade now. And I don't drink just any form of alcohol. My weakness is Irish Coffees... a catastrophic, calorie-bomb of a mix of coffee, non-dairy creamer, sugar, half-n-half, and Black Velvet. My oral fixations and emotional issues relegate these cocktails to a mana-from-heaven status. Unfortunately, many folks start their day off with a cup of coffee. So yes, for me that translates into day-drinking.

What really makes me hesitate to call myself a full-fledged alcoholic is this... I've quit drinking for up to 4 days at a time 3 times over the last 6 months and for all 3 occasions had a full bottle of spiced rum and a full bottle of wine sitting on top of a kitchen cabinet in full view! How can anyone be an alcoholic and quit drinking for 4 days when there's alcohol in the house?

I don't know, but I think with the help and encouragement of people on this site, I can figure this stuff out. And maybe I can provoke some thinking for all of you as well.

least

Welcome to the family. Sounds like drinking isn't doing you any favors. If it's a problem, stop drinking and see how you feel in three months.

Anna

Welcome,

Being an alcoholic isn't about how much or how often you drink. It's more about what happens to you when you drink. Do you become someone you don't like? Are you able to stop after one or two drinks? If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then stopping drinking is a good solution.

ChloeRose63

Welcome to SR.
Glad you are here. Hope you will find the answers you are looking for. Keep posting.

ElizaD

Hi Karl, I think of myself as more of a problem drinker. I went for long periods of time without drinking during the week and then binging on the weekends. There was always alcohol in the house and I was rarely tempted to drink it during the week. I had rules in place and only drank on weekends. Seems like a lot of people on this site had rules as well. Every Saturday and Sunday I woke up with a terrible hangover but I always drank thinking the outcome would be different which is just the definition of insanity. You don't have to be an alcoholic or lose everything to realize your drinking is unhealthy and you'd be better off without it.

KarltheheretiK

Actually, I have no problem with how I get when I drink too much. I become quite industrious. I have no wife or kids to abuse, so I can't tell you that's a thing. In the last 4 years I've done a lot of remodeling and home improvements and most of it's been fueled by Irish Coffee. I've planted gardens and shrubs; built concrete walls; painted my house exterior; rebuilt the columns on my porch; and many other things too numerous to mention.

***As an aside, let me mention that getting drunk and playing with power tools and tall ladders IS NOT recommended by, like, ANYBODY EVER!***

Unfortunately, I've gotten to a point where I can rationalize doing projects during the working week to call off. I burn through my benefit time pretty quick. Last Monday I swore that if I took the day off (while getting drunk); moved my corner desk downstairs; made several, important doctor calls; trimmed my hedges; and did some more waterproofing work on my front porch, I'd be justified in calling off. Sound kind of industrious and fugged up at the same time...

KarltheheretiK

Well said, milady...

Anna

So, if drinking causes you no problems, then I wonder why you found SR and began to post? Are you trying to decide if you need to stop drinking?

I also think it's good to remember that the term 'alcoholic' is just a word, just a label.

Dee74

Hi and welcome KarltheheretiK
If drinkings causing you problems, it makes sense to quit drinking

glad you found us
D

KarltheheretiK

Good advice, but I want to comment on your sig line (or whatever it's called):

I'd substitute "dogs" with "pets." And while they're a blessing in our lives, they can also be triggers. My favorite cat, Dudley, had to be put down last month and it's not lost on me that my drinking has picked up a bit since then. Dudley wasn't so much a cat as a little person in a cats' body. And if I thought I was alone before he passed, I had no clue as to how much I feel alone now.

danrs64

Why did you lose job, house, family and are at rock bottom? Did it have to do with the alcohol?

Personally I'd consider anyone who had continued health / personal or professional / legal issues due to alcohol repeated times, who continued to drink, had an inability to quit or not drink to excess, and / or in spite of the known consequences, a very strong candidate to be labeled "alcoholic".

I'd fit that (with the exception of legal problems). I don't want to consider myself an alcoholic, but fact is I'm on week 3 without a drink due to that old familiar nagging ache in the sides (fatty liver), and knowing what that means. Now, it might be good I've made a stand and stopped now. But why didn't I do it 6 months ago when it popped up again (last time was 18 years ago, quit for about 10 years with the exception of a few beers once every two or three months after I'd gone a few years completely dry).

Great job, good relationship, good life. But I've been toying dangerously with my long term health. Knew it. Felt it. And kept doing it.

I'm sitting here with a house full of alcohol. Titos in the freezer, beers in the fridge, and a fairly well stocked liquor shelf. Haven't touched any of it. BUT....I damn sure WANT TO! Why can't I have fun without it again yet? And clearly since it's consumed so much of my thoughts, and the fact I even showed up here a week or so ago lurking, well, tells me I know there's an issue.

Newcomer to the site, but not newcomer to the issue. Here due to my own present concerns. But I'd say if you fit a good portion of that, it doesn't matter what label gets tossed on it, it's a serious problem.

teatreeoil007

Welcome to SR KarltheheretiK; glad you have found us. There is a wealth of support and help here. Have a look around, read, read, read and keep posting. We help ourselves by helping others.

If I dare be so bold, is the thought you could be a heretic lurking somewhere in the back of your consciousness? You don't have to answer that is you don't want. I do not mean to intrude.

KarltheheretiK

I'm teetering on the edge. I've been seeing a therapist for 4 months now for alcohol issues and other issues. I'm trying to acquire the services of a psychiatrist because I'm on too many prescription drugs to not worry about contraindications, but it's becoming apparent to me that, if you're not walking down a city street carrying a severed, human head, you have to wait 6 weeks to get an appointment with a psychiatrist in my town.

Seriously, the problem sits in two places. Mentally, I drink the first Irish Coffee and I can't stop. It's getting to the point where, if I want to make it into work, I can't drink any coffee before work at all. And physically, I'm a type 2 diabetic who is spiking his sugar (my A1C is like an 8.6) and damaging his liver. Some days the area under my ribs is achy, and that's not good. Fortunately, I get regular blood tests and my liver enzymes are still good. My eyes are remarkably good, too. But how long will that last? Is my health a point on the horizon or the tip of a spear?

KarltheheretiK

I'm just a heretic by nature. Or some may call it Oppositional Defiance Disorder. But, as Anna pointed out, labels are labels. I'm trapped in my own head very often and find it hard to follow any conventions of common religions and philosophies because I think the hell out of things that many people consider to be written in stone.

daredevil

If you didn’t drink 4 days at a time 3 times in the last 6 months, that means you did drink 168 out of 180 days, which is quite the consumption, if not daily, then certainly in the aggregate.

If you’re having liver pains, and you’re a type-2 diabetic, all the more reason to simply arrest all consumption and progression, with resumption to full health, labels notwithstanding and industriousness aside.

teatreeoil007

As to what I bolded: many folks would see that trait as a strength; not a weakness. It is good to have OPTIONS....and if it is perceived there "are no options" it can be good to come UP with options. I have not heard of Oppositional Defiance Disorder.[ODD]...though I was accused of being "oppositional" once in my workplace...I really do NOT think that assessment was quite accurate. I prefer to think I can take a stand for what is right and how best to execute what is right. If that is viewed as oppositional by someone else there is not not much I can do about it.

As to the concept of being a heretic. I am very grateful they no longer burn heretics at the stake, praise God! I tend to agree about labels. I don't like to be labeled....therefore I must be careful not to label others as well.

KarltheheretiK

Sorry to confuse you. I was just saying it would be easier to see Rock Bottom if I had something like that going on. I have no family to lose and I've never been the type to drink so much I black out. I maintain a job, a house, a car... oh, and I'm a butler for 3 cats!

I know labeling doesn't matter to most, but sometimes labeling can point to the nature of your problem and give you deeper understanding of your condition. If I were an addiction counselor (I have a BA in Psychology, so that's not far-fetched), I'd definitely want to treat a patient who is a black-out drinker different from a patient who is a functional heavy-drinker. I'd also treat someone like you who has a great job and relationship different from someone like me who only has a decent job and no relationships at all.

And yes, labels can be misleading... like labeling you a "newcomer" because you're new to the site, but you're nowhere near a newcomer to the struggle. You have a lot of wisdom to pass out, sir.

KarltheheretiK

Well, I can't tell from your handle if you're male or female, but being called "oppositional" at work could be a sexism thing?

I'm pretty sure ODD is being called something else these days, so don't be surprised if you can't find it under ODD. It's a strange condition with odd side effects. And again, let's not totally underrate the power of labels. In fact, many cultures and religious traditions throughout time believed you gain power over people and otherworldly entities when you find out their name.

KarltheheretiK

All true. And with the math thrown in, quite ugly! But you also point to an important distinction to keep in mind when considering addiction, as well as, most other mental issues. Intellectual knowledge of a condition is not the same as the emotional understanding of a condition. Most alcoholics understand the alcohol is not good for them whether it's socially, mentally, or physically. But the emotions override the intellect and they drink anyway. In the case of a physically-eroded drunk like me, I believe it may be more of a form of slow suicide than anything else.

dwtbd

Sure sounds like a slow form of something. I doubt you can get good odds on the slow part remaining fixed, odds are there could well be a point of acceleration as these things tend to be progressive.

What are your plans for future alcohol use?