Starting again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2
Starting again
Hello folks. I'm ten days sober, after drinking for almost two years after I'd successfully been sober for four.
I'm 48, and a single dad to three kids. I had my first drink when I was 15. When I was 42, I collapsed/passed out in front of my kids one night playing a board game with them. The next day I quit drinking. It was terrifying, very hard, but the rewards were so great. My health returned, I worked out every day, was so happy. I started learning to be a good, present parent.
Then four years later, I found myself engaged to a narcissist. I don't know how the truth eluded me. I was so ready to have a complete family. But two weeks before the wedding, my ex got in a rage and became violent. The kids were sleeping. I made a choice to end it and cancel the wedding so my kids wouldn't have to endure any abuse, but my soul was shattered. At the same time, my dad got the news he had a year left to live, w pancreatic cancer.
I slowly crept back to drinking, and by the end of that year I got my first dui. I am so thankful I didn't kill myself or anyone else. I could barely see the road and have no memory until waking up w the airbags deployed.
I've had to replace a car, pay massive fines, and all the rest that goes with probation, and still had zero courage to quit again. Ten days ago I finally took the leap.
I think of drinking as a desert. It feels great when you're hiking in the desert and you feel alive, but the desert can kill you. Sobriety is an oasis. It nourishes you. I keep telling myself this but am finding the benefits of recovery are a lot slower to show up, this second time around. Bad headaches, tiredness, no weight loss yet. But I do feel hopeful and a lot more calm, and of course feel like a better father to my boys once again.
Thanks for reading the novel.
I'm 48, and a single dad to three kids. I had my first drink when I was 15. When I was 42, I collapsed/passed out in front of my kids one night playing a board game with them. The next day I quit drinking. It was terrifying, very hard, but the rewards were so great. My health returned, I worked out every day, was so happy. I started learning to be a good, present parent.
Then four years later, I found myself engaged to a narcissist. I don't know how the truth eluded me. I was so ready to have a complete family. But two weeks before the wedding, my ex got in a rage and became violent. The kids were sleeping. I made a choice to end it and cancel the wedding so my kids wouldn't have to endure any abuse, but my soul was shattered. At the same time, my dad got the news he had a year left to live, w pancreatic cancer.
I slowly crept back to drinking, and by the end of that year I got my first dui. I am so thankful I didn't kill myself or anyone else. I could barely see the road and have no memory until waking up w the airbags deployed.
I've had to replace a car, pay massive fines, and all the rest that goes with probation, and still had zero courage to quit again. Ten days ago I finally took the leap.
I think of drinking as a desert. It feels great when you're hiking in the desert and you feel alive, but the desert can kill you. Sobriety is an oasis. It nourishes you. I keep telling myself this but am finding the benefits of recovery are a lot slower to show up, this second time around. Bad headaches, tiredness, no weight loss yet. But I do feel hopeful and a lot more calm, and of course feel like a better father to my boys once again.
Thanks for reading the novel.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome Tsun! We're so glad you joined us. This is a wonderful place for encouragement.
Congrats on your 10 days. I'm sorry for the painful things you've been through - but as we've learned, nothing is helped by drinking. A bit of numbness seems like an answer, but it only adds to our anxiety & misery in the end. You're reclaiming your life - be proud.
Congrats on your 10 days. I'm sorry for the painful things you've been through - but as we've learned, nothing is helped by drinking. A bit of numbness seems like an answer, but it only adds to our anxiety & misery in the end. You're reclaiming your life - be proud.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by Tsun 
Hello folks. I'm ten days sober, after drinking for almost two years after I'd successfully been sober for four.
I'm 48, and a single dad to three kids. I had my first drink when I was 15. When I was 42, I collapsed/passed out in front of my kids one night playing a board game with them. The next day I quit drinking. It was terrifying, very hard, but the rewards were so great. My health returned, I worked out every day, was so happy. I started learning to be a good, present parent.
Then four years later, I found myself engaged to a narcissist. I don't know how the truth eluded me. I was so ready to have a complete family. But two weeks before the wedding, my ex got in a rage and became violent. The kids were sleeping. I made a choice to end it and cancel the wedding so my kids wouldn't have to endure any abuse, but my soul was shattered. At the same time, my dad got the news he had a year left to live, w pancreatic cancer.
I slowly crept back to drinking, and by the end of that year I got my first dui. I am so thankful I didn't kill myself or anyone else. I could barely see the road and have no memory until waking up w the airbags deployed.
I've had to replace a car, pay massive fines, and all the rest that goes with probation, and still had zero courage to quit again. Ten days ago I finally took the leap.
I think of drinking as a desert. It feels great when you're hiking in the desert and you feel alive, but the desert can kill you. Sobriety is an oasis. It nourishes you. I keep telling myself this but am finding the benefits of recovery are a lot slower to show up, this second time around. Bad headaches, tiredness, no weight loss yet. But I do feel hopeful and a lot more calm, and of course feel like a better father to my boys once again.
Thanks for reading the novel.
I'm 48, and a single dad to three kids. I had my first drink when I was 15. When I was 42, I collapsed/passed out in front of my kids one night playing a board game with them. The next day I quit drinking. It was terrifying, very hard, but the rewards were so great. My health returned, I worked out every day, was so happy. I started learning to be a good, present parent.
Then four years later, I found myself engaged to a narcissist. I don't know how the truth eluded me. I was so ready to have a complete family. But two weeks before the wedding, my ex got in a rage and became violent. The kids were sleeping. I made a choice to end it and cancel the wedding so my kids wouldn't have to endure any abuse, but my soul was shattered. At the same time, my dad got the news he had a year left to live, w pancreatic cancer.
I slowly crept back to drinking, and by the end of that year I got my first dui. I am so thankful I didn't kill myself or anyone else. I could barely see the road and have no memory until waking up w the airbags deployed.
I've had to replace a car, pay massive fines, and all the rest that goes with probation, and still had zero courage to quit again. Ten days ago I finally took the leap.
I think of drinking as a desert. It feels great when you're hiking in the desert and you feel alive, but the desert can kill you. Sobriety is an oasis. It nourishes you. I keep telling myself this but am finding the benefits of recovery are a lot slower to show up, this second time around. Bad headaches, tiredness, no weight loss yet. But I do feel hopeful and a lot more calm, and of course feel like a better father to my boys once again.
Thanks for reading the novel.
You can do it too. When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 230
I liked your post i liked the novel i m sorry what you went through but you seem to be good dad to kids despite weakness.... i have no children ...actually if i start a programme within aa step four i can only do amends to myself i self harmed myself through binge drinking self medicating stress ... 8 10 beers over 24 /7 3 or 4 days and crying alone killing fear ... nope its only makes it worse ...i detoxed many times by myself alone no medication ...glad had no sezuires or this awful staff folks say you could see or hear but paws ...you get depressed flat irritable or happy up and down ...and it d be ok if you have basic needs family job etc ...shelter ... place of safety .... but i guess even having that paws are rough first year of sobriety is rough like hell folks say it gets better
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
